“Uh, I guess I hadn’t really thought about that. I’d like to think Andrew is reasonable enough to hear me out. I know I hurt him, but he has to know me well enough to know that wasn’t my intention. He said we needed some space, but I still think he wanted to work things out.”
Dani nods along. “So, what, are you just going to text him and arrange to meet? He hasn’t exactly returned your texts. Maybe you should just show up at his doorstep and grovel for him to give you the time of day!” Excitement fills her face. “Oh, or will you need my help to trick him to come out? Maybe I can have a flat tire he needs to help me with and then you jump out and surprise him!” Dani’s enthusiasm is growing by the second.
“No, I’m not going to do that. First of all, why would he be the one to help you with a flat tire instead of literally anyone else in our family? You don’t talk to Andrew all that much as it is. Second of all, I don’t want to trick him. I want him to talk to me because it’s something he genuinely wants to do.”
“Fine,” Danisays, deflating.
I burst into laughter. “I didn’t say you couldn’t help! I just said I don’t want to trick him.”
“I’m not hearing the difference,” she deadpans but not without cracking a brief smile afterward.
It’s then, while we are both smiling and laughing together, that I look up to see a set of broad, muscular shoulders and a head topped with scruffy brown hair sitting on the porch of the Martin residence. My heart flits, and I begin to raise my hand to wave a peace offering. I smile at Andrew as he stares at the two of us from his spot on the porch with a book in his hand. Even from this distance, I can see the horrified deer-in-the-headlights look he has on his face. My wave appears to break him from his train of thought. He frowns, no, scowls, and shuts his book, rushing back into his house.
“Andrew, wait!” I gasp, suddenly desperate to repair things right this second. To hell with planning things out and giving things time. I need to fix this now.I need him to know how much I care about him, but I’m too late. He slams the front door behind him with force. It’s enough to send a chill down my spine because I haveneverseen Andrew act so cold, but I only have myself to blame.
Tears threaten the corners of my eyes.I should go after him, right? I have to! I need to fix things.
Dani is at my side in an instant, rubbing my back and telling me it’s okay. “You’re going to fix this. The sting is still fresh, and he just saw you laughing and smiling with me as if what happened between you two didn’t hurt you. It’s all just a misunderstanding,” she soothes.
I know she’s right, and her words provide me with some relief, but they’re not enough to stop the tears that are flowing. I’m just so exhausted from this whole situation. There have been so many highs and lows. The high of being with Andrew, the low of breaking up, the high of knowing I’m going to fixthings, and now the low of knowing how much my actions hurt him.
I have to talk with Andrew, and I need to do it the right way. This whole experience only further reinforces what Dani said. I need to show him how much I care, and I owe it to him to make sure this is what I want because I can’t go back on him again.
CHAPTER 37
Summer 19
Four days apart from Andrew has given me all the clarity in the world. I’ve stewed in the misery of not being able to send him a text or have him join me on my runs, and I’ve had time to reflect on his importance in my life beyond being right next door.
Andrew has been my friend for eleven years now, and he’s been there for me through everything. He’s encouraged me to try new things like wakeboarding and cliff jumping. He’s supported, and encouraged, my book addiction over the years. He broke up with his girlfriend the instant he recognized that he might have feelings for me, and he’s helped me heal from the loss of Rebecca. He’s incredible, and a few small mistakes don’t erase all of that trust we built or the friendship and eventual relationship we built.
“Are you sure this is going to work?” Dani asks me as she helps me load a few items into my car.
Her hesitation instantly increases my anxiety. “What happened to hyping me up? I liked it better when you were being supportive!”
“I know. I know. I’m just nervous,” she says defensively.
“You’renervous? I’m about to beg the man I love to forgive me for saying some very hurtful things and shutting him out, andyou’renervous? I need you to tell me how great this plan is, not be nervous for me.” I’m panicking now.
“Everything will be great, Emma! I’m sorry for doubting you. This is a well-planned apology, and he’s going to love it. Andrew hasn’t stopped loving you in just a few days. He’s going to hear you out, and you two are going to have an amazing reunion.”
Even after hearing all of this, my nerves are still consuming me. Thishasto work. I will fight for Andrew as much as I have to, but I don’t want to go one more day without him. I’m such an idiot for pushing him away. Dani was right. I have to be willing to put my heart on the line if I want any chance at experiencing love.
When we are finished loading the car, Dani gives me a quick “good luck,” and I head over toward the Martin mansion. Instead of going to the front door, I head straight to Andrew’s bedroom window.
When I peer down his window well, I see his light is on. Iknewhe’d be in there. I watch him for a moment before I announce my presence with a light tap on the glass. He’s sitting on the floor with his back pressed against the side of his bed. He’s got a book in his hand, surprise, surprise.
As I wait in the window well, I pray he will let me in. He looks up, and I see the hurt immediately cloud his eyes upon the sight of me. He sits there for a while, not moving. I knock again and gesture for him to let me in, but he still hesitates. After a moment, he shakes his head a little but comes to open the window anyway.
He doesn’t immediately drag me into his arms or greet me with a kiss or even a smile. He just opens the window and quickly retreats to his bed, without giving me a second look.
I had built this moment up in my head asthough we would instantly make up. I thought for sure Andrew would see me at his window and know I was there to apologize. I pictured him welcoming me right back into his arms. I see now that I was wrong.
I change my original plans a little bit. Rushing through his window, I tackle him onto his bed and wrap him up in a bear hug. I’m not even in control of myself anymore. I’m just acting without any thought whatsoever.
I pepper his face with kisses and squeeze him tightly to me. After several moments, I feel the angry tension in his shoulders release briefly.
I want to beg him to forgive me right this instant, but I realize this moment isn’t about me. It’s about Andrew, so instead, I run my fingers through his hair the way he likes and squeeze him to me, trying to wrap him up in all the love and warmth I have to give, to show him how much I still care for him.
