Andrew nods and walks over to my side of the counter. “What do you need me to do?”
“Based on your horrible cooking skills, I say I’ll measure everything. You just have to pour it into the bowl.”
He nods in agreement and watches me carefully as I measure out the flour, leveling it off with the swipe of my finger.
I try to pretend I don’t feel the heat of his gaze on me as I continue with the recipe easily. I’ve only made these cookies about a million times.
I hand Andrew the measuring cups and teaspoons as I measure, and he pours them into the bowl before handing me back the measuring devices. We work smoothly together as a team.
I make the mistake of allowing him to pour the dry ingredients from their separate bowl into the wet ingredients, and half of the flour mixture ends up all over the counter.
Normally my inner neat freak would be screaming at the mess, but this time, I don’t care. Andrew looks way too cute trying to concentrate as he pours small amounts of the powder into the rest of the dough. I’m too happy right now to let a small mess distract me.
“Okay, add the chocolate chips and the dough should be ready for taste testing,” I tell Andrew.
He reaches into the bag and grabs a fistful of chocolate chips. “Just likethis?” he asks.
Horrified, I rush over to pry his hand back open and get him to release the chocolate chips back into the bag. “No no no! Use the measuring cups. The recipe calls for one cup of chocolate chips,” I explain.
He laughs at himself a little, embarrassment turning his cheeks pink, a sight that I don’t recall ever seeing.
Once he’s poured the cup of chocolate chips in, he looks at me, waiting for permission to dig into the dough.
I pinch a clump of dough and hold it out for him to take. Instead of holding his palm out for me, he takes it from my hand with his mouth. I feel the brush of his soft, full lips and the brief warmth of his tongue, and it sets my soul on fire, leaving me wanting more.
“Mmmm, this might be the best batch yet, Em!”
I give his shoulder a light smack. “You’re only saying that because you helped!” I giggle and then turn serious. “They’re not even baked yet, so we will have to see how they taste when they come out of the oven.”
“Trust me—” he holds my gaze “—this is the best batch I’veeverhad. I can tell already.”
I hear Rebecca groan behind me. “Oh, please you two! Get a room already. This is going to get old fast,” she complains, but as soon as Andrew rolls his eyes at her and turns away, she smiles at me and gives me two thumbs up. I can tell this makes her happy to see. She’s been telling me for years now that this was going to happen between us, and I didn’t believe her, but here we are, right on the cusp on something amazing.
“Hey, let’s get the fire pit going on the back deck to enjoy our cookies while the sun goes down. Then I want to do something fun,” Rebecca suggests with a smirk.
Andrew and I nod in agreement.
“I’ll get the fire lit while you two finish up with the cookies in the oven,” Andrew suggests.
CHAPTER 34
Summer 19
Isit in my pajamas with a clean body and full belly, reading a book alone in my room. I haven’t seen Andrew much today, and the distance has given me perhaps too much time to think. I desperately want to talk with Dani about my conversation with Andrew last night and all the resulting feelings I’ve had since then, but for some reason, this just feels like something I need to tackle by myself.
Andrew’s truth bomb last night about his courses shouldn’t be making me feel this upset, but it’s only sent me down a rabbit hole. This isn’t the first time he’s kept something to himself.How are we possibly going to tackle distance together if he can’t open up to me?The thought constricts my lungs and makes my stomach do a few somersaults. In the past twenty-four hours, it’s started to hit me just how much Andrew’s silence last year left a scar on my heart. After Rebecca’s accident, I lost two of my best friends in one day, and one of them was still alive. One of themchoseto leave me. Then there’s his other minute moments of secrecy which somehow hurt just as bad and cause my doubts to swirl like a hurricane inside my head. I know we’ve talked about it a little bit, but I’m still terrified that tryingto put our relationship through long distance is only going to end in heartbreak.
I can’t lose Andrew again. He’s helped me so much this summer with overcoming my fears and healing in the wake of Rebecca’s accident.Were we being crazy for thinking this would work?
We’re only nineteen, which means we’d have to handle distance for at least three more years during college. That’s ridiculous to try to tie ourselves down like that when we have so much life to live. I may love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone or anything, and he may bring light into my shadows, but sometimes love just isn’t enough.
I know I can’t take the heartbreak from losing Andrew again after losing his sister not even a year ago, and I definitely wouldn’t wish that heartache upon Andrew either. He’s been through enough in his lifetime. I should probably just end things now. We only had the summer together. It will hurt a lot less to end things now rather than draw it out. We can stay friends, and then I won’t have to lose him for good.
I huff and set my book down. There’s no way I can sit and read right now. I’m far too distracted. Grabbing my phone, I press shuffle on one of my playlists. Music will clear my mind. It will give me the clarity I need to figure out what’s right for Andrew and me.
But the first song to play is “Porch Swing Angel.”
“Are you kidding me?” I grumble to my phone, skipping the song and throwing my phone across my room to the soft protection of my bed.
