I blush. “Thank you! I tried to mimic you as much as I could, but that bull has an attitude.”
He chuckles and helps me up. “Are you ready to head home yet?”
I nod. “I think it’s about time we call it a night.”
We snag Brendan, who got distracted between his bull ride and my own with a beautiful, leggy brunette. On our way out the front door, Jimmy waves at us with a friendly grin.
“I think tonight turned out to be a success,” I say as we drive home. Brendan is already passed out in the back seat.
Andrew gives me a soft smile. “It did. Thanks. I know this is far from your idea of a fun evening.”
“I wouldn’t say far!” I jump in, a little offended. “I got to spend the whole evening with you, dancing and playing around. I enjoy Brendan’s company and seeing the two of you together. Plus, now we can both say we’ve ridden a mechanical bull. How cool is that?”
He beams back at me. “I can’t wait to tell all my buddies at school I rode a bull. When I tell them the story, it’s going to be a real bull, though. And it’s going to have a scarier name than Benji… maybe Big Ben.”
I roll my eyes. “Cause Big Ben really gets you shaking in your boots.”
“Okay, I’ll think ofsomething better.”
I laugh, but it’s not quite a full-hearted laugh. My mind is racing at the mention of school. Our relationship is worth fighting for. I need to make an effort to talk with him before it’s too late. “Hey Andrew, I’m scared about what comes next.”
“What do you mean?”
“We’re about to leave for school again. That means I won’t get to spend every day with you. We’ll have to try to stay in touch through texts and Facetimes, and deal with busy schedules and time differences.”
“I’m scared too, Em. We’ll be okay though. We’ve done it before.”
“It wasn’t the same.”
He reaches out for my hand. “I know, but we aren’t the same people we were in the past either. We are stronger and better. We’ve got this.”
I nod, trying to reassure myself too. “You’re excited to go back to school, aren’t you?”
He shrugs. “I mean, I’ll miss you, but I’m ready to get out of my parents’ house and see my friends. Plus, I reached out to my guidance counselor about switching majors, and it looks like I’ll not only be able to do it, but I’ll be able to get into some writing courses for the fall semester!”
I pause. “You didn’t tell me about that. When did you reach out?”
“Eh, about a week ago.”
“That’s great, Andrew!” My excitement for him dissipates. “How did this happen a week ago, and I’m just now hearing about it?” I try to sound casual, desperately ignoring the way my heart hurts because he failed to tell me such big news.
“I don’t know. I got the email in between training sessions with Brendan, and then my parents bombarded me with chores when I got home. I guess I was just busy and forgot.”
Andrew’s tone is so casual, and it splits me in two. I’m reminded of last year when he didn’t respond to my texts. Iknow that was an entirely different situation, but I’m beginning to wonder if we will be able to handle a long-distance relationship.If he forgets to mention big news to me while we are seeing each other every day, how is he going to communicate with me when we are six hours away and not seeing each other for months at a time?
I’m sober enough now to realize my thoughts are spiraling, but I can’t help it. I’m scared. My feelings for him have grown so much stronger this summer. They are far from just a crush. Right now, I feel the kind of love for Andrew that I know can crush me if I lose it, and it’s terrifying. I don’t know how to prevent it, but I have to. I’ve already been through so much in the last year.
People try long-distance all the time, and it rarely works. My roommate last year had a long-distance relationship with her boyfriend until he cheated on her two months later. Andrew would never do that to me. I know that in my heart, but it doesn’t mean long-distance won’t find another way to tear us apart from one another.
We spend the rest of the car ride listening to Shane Smith & the Saints’s version of “All I See is You.” Andrew hums along gleefully, but I feel the summer ending, and the weight of it all is breaking me.
CHAPTER 33
Summer 18
“Cookie time!” Rebecca sings.
I laugh at her as I help her pull out the rest of the ingredients, including the chocolate chips and the bag of flour we purchased from the grocery store earlier today.
