I walk to the far side of the house and plop myself into his bedroom window well. I peer into the window, checking to see if he’s in his room. Sure enough, he’s lying on his bed with a book in hand. I knock on the window, and he looks up with very little surprise when he sees me.
He comes to the window, pops out his screen, and helps me crawl through. He smells clean. His wet, combed hair and lack of a shirt indicate he just showered. He must’ve just gotten back from weight training with Brendan. I’m lucky I caught him. The two of them can spend half a day at the gym together.
“I came to apologize and give you this,” I say, handing him the wrapped book.
He takes it and inspects the wrapping paper. “Are you trying to buy me?”
I see a small twinge of a smile forming on his lips, giving me hope.
“Just open it.”
I sit down on his bed as he does the same, beginning to tear into the wrapping paper. “Andrew, I—” He holds up a finger as he continues unwrapping.
When he finally gets the wrapping paper off, a grin spreads wide across his face. This has to be a good sign. “Thanks, Em. It’s perfect! This one has been on my to-read list since I heard he was writing it like six months ago. You’ve always done a good job at picking out books.”
Silence follows. I can tell he’s still guarded. “I’m glad you like it.” I shift nervously. “Listen, I’m sorry about yesterday. It was hard coming back here after all this time. I thought I was handlingthings better than I am, and it was sucky to have you point that out to me. I know you loved Rebecca more than anyone, and I shouldn’t have questioned that no matter how much I’m hurting. I’m sorry.” He puts his hand on my thigh, and with that little gesture, I can tell I’m forgiven. “I don’t know what your reasoning is for not talking to me during the school year, and I won’t pretend it didn’t hurt me, but I’m willing to at least hear you out. I know you better than to believe you had bad intentions while doing so.”
He leans his head on my shoulder for a moment, and I freeze. His touch charges me instantly. I’m almost certain the next thing I touch will receive an epic shock. I want to pause our conversation for another time and just stay like this. The world feels right again knowing I have his forgiveness.
“I may not have been the most eloquent with my words yesterday either,” he admits, disrupting my tender thoughts. “I’m not saying I’ve been perfect, far from it. I’ve had moments when I’ve been so sad over losing her that I couldn’t even get out of bed, but I have to try to move on because I can only imagine how disappointed she would be to see me like that. I have to be better.”
“You were right. Youareright. Ihatethat,” I cross my arms and pout my lower lip, trying to hide the chuckle that’s slipping out. “I need help being pushed. I always have.” I pause for a moment, taking in his reaction. His deep blue eyes stay focused on me as he waits for me to continue, knowing I have more to say. “I went for a run today.” I hold out my arms to show him all my sweaty glory.
“You’ve had a busy morning. How was it?”
“I couldn’t bring myself to run to the other side of the lake because of all of the memories, but it felt good to get back out again. I didn’t realize how much I missed it.”
He wraps one arm around me. “Even so, I’m proud of you. It’s a start. If you need me to, I’ll run with youthis summer. It’d be good for me to do some endurance training this summer for track.”
“You’d do that?” I’m stunned.
“Em, you know I’d do anything for you.” He rolls his eyes, oblivious to the fact that he’s melting my heart right now with his words, sweeter than chocolate.
“So about not talking to me last year…?”
He shifts in unease before responding. “I thought I was doing the right thing. A lot of my best, and some of my worst, memories with Rebecca involve you too, and all I wanted to do was cut ties with all the memories that were bringing me pain. I thought the only way I could heal was alone.” He gives me an apologetic smile. “I learned pretty quickly that I needed people, but I still didn’t think those people should include you. I guess I just thought you’d make it too hard. I was already hurting so badly… I’m sorry. It kills me to say it, so I can only imagine what it must feel like for you to hear it.”
He winces at me as he takes in my reaction. A whole world of emotions is filling me, sadness for Andrew’s pain, hurt that he felt he needed to cut me out, and hope that we can move forward.
“I see I was wrong now. Seeing you yesterday made me feel like I was home again, until you were an absolute brat to me.” He winks and leans his shoulder into mine teasingly. His touch once again makes me shiver. “I saw a counselor, and she’s helped me start to lean on my family and friends again. I’m doing okay now. I just take it day by day, and I’m trying as hard as I can to live my life for both of us now. There are so many little things she didn’t get a chance to do.”
“I want to do that too. I always held us back. I don’t want to live in fear anymore. I want to live boldly like Rebecca.”
He pulls me in tight with one arm and presses his lips to my forehead. I know this is just a friendly gesture to show he cares, but I close my eyes and take a moment to feel his love.
He pulls my chin up so my eyes meet his. “I don’t want to hear you talk about yourself like that. You never held us back.” His eyes bore into mine, making sure I get the message. I nod ever so slightly. Satisfied, he continues, “We can help each other.”
CHAPTER 6
Summer 12
The sun floats high in the sky, radiating its late July heat directly on us as we pound back down the dock after enjoying peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch.
Mr. Martin and my dad trail behind Andrew, Rebecca, and I with less enthusiasm. I don’t blame them. Us kids get to have all the fun, but we can’t have it without the adults to drive us.
Andrew leaps from the dock onto the boat, already untangling the rope for the tube. Rebecca and I follow.
“Come on, Dad! We’re burning daylight here,” Rebecca urges with excitement.
