“Oh, shut up!” Brendan argues back. “You know I have the staminato outlast you.”
“This wasn’t about endurance. It was a sprint.” Andrew gestures toward the dock about 50 meters away.
“I don’t know, I think you two will need to go again for me to determine the winner,” I tease, shrugging my shoulders with nonchalance.
Andrew narrows his eyes at me as the corners of his mouth turn up ever so slightly. He reaches out and swoops me up. “Here, I’ll give you a better view this time!” Then he pushes off the dock. I squeal with laughter, and he lets go.
Both laughing, we turn toward one another, and I catch Andrew’s gaze. There’s something soft behind his eyes. I can’t help but think there’s no way I’m imagining this. The look in his eyes. The tension between us.I can’t just imagine that, can I?
We are broken apart by Brendan’s loud remark. “Ohhhh! I get it now,” he says, facing Rebecca. She simply nods with a soft smile. “Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
Andrew turns back to me, saying something about a hankering for Oreos, but I don’t miss Rebecca’s response. “I’m not sure if he even realizes it yet, but he will soon.”
CHAPTER 26
Summer 19
Lying in the fort, glued at the hip with my head on Andrew’s chest and his arm wrapped around my shoulders, I’m beside myself with just how happy I am right now. Over a month ago, when I was thinking about my summer here, this is not what I pictured. I can’t say this summer has been all sunshine and rainbows, but Andrew has helped make it a thousand times more manageable than I ever could have expected.
“We haven’t talked about that night.”
Instantly, Andrew’s face falters. I don’t need to tell him what I’m talking about for him to know what I mean. There’s only one night. The night that changed our lives forever.
He must feel the difference in me, the tensing in my shoulders, and the way my breaths grow shallower and quicker because he presses me closer to him. I know this was my idea, but I’m already starting to regret it a little.
“I know it’s not exactly a fond memory, but I think it’d be really good for both of us to talk about it.” I laugh casually, trying to lighten the mood, but it does little to remove the suffocating tension that has settled over the entire room.
It's weird. I’ve talked about that night once before with Dani. It didn’t feel like this. There were tears, and I had to stop here and there to compose myself before continuing, but I didn’t feel like I do now, like I can’t breathe. Somehow, maybe because Andrew was there, this all feels different. Maybe it’s his energy. I can feel this dark cloud emanating off of him, and something tells me not all of it has to do with talking about Rebecca. Maybe part of it just has to do with him talking about how he feels, one of the few areas I’ve found him to be inadequate in. Everyone has their flaws!
“I don’t remember much before or after the accident. Everything feels fuzzy when I try to remember. I do, however, remember her scream, vividly,” he starts.
I burrow my fingers into Andrew’s shirt, grabbing onto him both to show my support and ground myself.
“Going to the hospital is still a blur. I remember waiting for what felt like hours, but it wasn’t long before we received news. I remember the doctor coming out, and I remember the brief pitying glance he gave our family before he leaned into the minister and started explaining what happened so he could break the news to us instead. The doctor couldn’t even do it himself.” I feel Andrew tensing up. I’m stunned to silence. Andrew has been so brave this summer. He’s led me to believe he’s healed, but here’s proof right in front of my eyes that those scars are still there.
He continues, “The minister told our family the news, and I exploded. I grabbed the doctor by the arm before he could leave the room and unleashed all my anger and sadness on him. I can’t even tell you what I said to that man. I regret it now because that poor man was probably just trying to hide his trauma after having seen the state of my sister. I know now he was just letting someone more qualified share the news. It just felt better to be angry than it did to be sad. But it didn’t change anything. I still woke up the next day without my sister.”
A single tear forms in his eye, and I’m desperate to ease his pain.
I press kisses to his jaw, his neck, and his cheeks. He nuzzles into me and gives me a soft smile. “I’m okay, Em. It’s been almost a year. Time has helped.”
I stare into his eyes, assessing. I want to make sure he’s okay. As I stare into the depths of his vibrant blue eyes, I believe him, and it feels good. I press a final kiss to his lips and pull away knowing it’s my turn. He shared a vulnerable piece of him, and now he deserves a piece of me.
I take a deep breath, trying to keep my breathing under control. “My sharpest memory is the vision of you asking me to call 9-1-1. The panic in your voice, the fear in your eyes, it will stick with me forever because I’ve never seen you look so afraid.” I cringe a little as the memory replays in my head.
The tightening in my chest is back, but I power through. I’m stronger now. Andrew is here, holding me closely. I’m okay. “I remember the sound of the sirens in the distance and the feeling of complete helplessness in that moment and then the memories are pretty much gone until your dad called a couple hours later. I had been sitting on my bed, practically curled up in Dani’s lap, and the news just broke me. There was this awful feeling in my chest, like my heart was trying to crawl out of my body because it couldn’t take it anymore, and I sobbed until I didn’t have tears left. My family practically dragged me out of the house the next morning to go home. I was in shock, but when I got to college and couldn’t text her about all the new things I was experiencing, it all settled in. It felt like my life was over.”
Andrew swipes at the tears on my cheeks, gentle tears that I didn’t even know were there. “We’ve made it through it all. Look where we ended up,” he says softly.
I nod and add, “We did. I wish Rebecca were here to see it, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’m so happyto be with you.”
We sit in silence for a long time. There’s not anything else to say right now. All the feelings that got muddled up from our discussion need to settle back down. But lying with my head on Andrew’s chest and his arms wrapped around me, I feel safe.
After some time, who knows how long it truly is, I feel us both start to relax again, and Andrew takes it as a sign to break the silence.
“I think that was important for us to do.”
I nod in agreement. “Maybe, another time, I can hear more about what things were like for you after everything.”
