I nod. “I have to say, you can do way better than Angelina. I’ve always imagined someone better for you.”
He looks at me with a playful curiosity. “What kind of girl do you imagine for me?”
I look down at my spoonful of ice cream. The tub is almost gone by now. There’s just a melty layer at the bottom that I will very willingly slurp down if given the chance.
“Obviously you need someone who likes books and someone who can talk about them with you. You need someone who realizes how incredible you are. You’re not just some pretty face. You’re smart, and kind, and goofy. I hope you find someone who sees all of that and appreciates you for the gift that you are.”
I cut myself off there before I make it too clear how I feel about him.
“Thank you, Em.” He brushes a fingertip under my chin to tilt my head up and force me to meet his gaze. “I think I’m finally seeing clearly.”
My heart pounds inside my rib cage, and I don’t even know how to respond to his words. I’m melting into a puddle right now just like the ice cream left in the tub.Say something! I scream to myself desperately.
His smile begins to falter, and he pulls his finger away from my face. I try to smile softly back at him to convey my message since words are failing me, but itfeels too late.
My heart breaks a little, and I curse myself for ruining this moment that could’ve been perfect.Was that not the green light from him?Please don’t screw this up, Emma! Say something! Anything!
“I’m glad to hear you’re seeing clearly again, buddy.” I scruff up his hair a little as I speak.
Judging by Andrew’s deflated look, I did, in fact, screw this up.What is wrong with me?Did I seriously just say buddy? I’ve never called him buddy in my life! I’m an idiot.
He stands up and begins walking down the dock to meet Rebecca. I can’t even look at him right now. I just sit there with my head in my hands.What did I just do?
CHAPTER 20
Summer 19
“How’d you find this place?” I ask Andrew as we waltz out of the pizzeria. “I’m pretty full, but if I was offered another pizza to eat right now, I wouldn’t hesitate to take it.”
“I think you forget I grew up at the lake. I went to high school ten to fifteen minutes away from here.” He explains, grabbing my hand as we begin aimlessly walking down the street. We still easily have another hour of light left.
“If that’s the case, why haven’t you taken me here sooner? You know how much I love pizza.”
He chuckles. “Yes, I do. I’ve wanted to take you here for years, but it felt weird to take mybuddyout to a nicer restaurant like this.”
I don’t miss his reference to nearly two years ago. I’ve wanted to give him an explanation for so long that the words burst out of me. “I didn’t mean it the way it came across when I called you ‘buddy.’”
He raises his eyebrows. “How else am I supposed to interpret the word ‘buddy?’”
I groan. “I was seventeen. I’d never had a boyfriend before,and I panicked. Plus, you had just broken up with Angelina, and I didn’t know how to read you. I was worried I was reading the situation wrong and would screw everything up.”
He stops walking. “Never had a boyfriend? Past tense? You’ve had one? How did I not know?”
“I guess I still haven’t technically had a boyfriend. I’d been on a series of dates with a guy in high school. He was nice, but I didn’t feel the spark. I think I only had eyes for a certain someone.” I look up at him through my eyelashes and find my words had the exact effect I hoped for. He has eased up and started tugging me along to walk more. “Don’t dodge the topic, though. What happened with Angelina? Can I ask about that now?”
“Yeah, we can talk about it, but I thought you knew what happened.”
I shake my head vigorously. “Clearly I didn’t, or we would’ve been here much sooner.”
He tips his head in my direction as if to sayfair point.“Do you remember that night with the tequila?”
“Oh gosh! Do I? A disastrous night like that gets imprinted into your memory.”
He laughs. “When you got sick that night and asked me to stay in the tent with you, all I wanted to do was curl up next to you and hold you, keep you safe. It was around then that I realized I didn’t want to go back to my tent with Angelina and that I wasn’t in love with her, nor was I ever going to be. I realized I cared for you as much more than just a friend.” He squeezes my hand. “I thought you felt the same way after everything that happened, but then you went and called me ‘buddy.’” He quickly adds, “I was going to break up with Angelina regardless of how you felt though. It wouldn’t have been fair to be in a relationship with her after realizing how much I cared for you.”
I tug him to sit down on the bench near us and look up at him with sorrow. “I’m sorry about that. I was an idiot, and had Ibeen smoother, we could’ve figured things out so much sooner. Everything would’ve been easier.”
He’s already shaking his head in disagreement, and I’m taken aback. “Don’t apologize. Sure, it would’ve been great to figure things out back then, but I think we have both grown a lot since then too. Who knows if we would’ve been ready for each other at seventeen? Besides, tonight, and really this whole summer, is about the present moment and moving forward, not about looking back.”
