“Shut up!” she says with breathlesslaughter.
I can’t help but laugh too. “I think I’m good to just watch. Thanks, guys.”
Although I can see the disappointment on Rebecca’s face, she doesn’t push me too much more.
Mrs. Martin steps up to the edge of the beach with one of the big kahunas in hand.
I marvel at her bravery as she casually lights the firework in the stand and then immediately hobbles out of the way, shrieking with joy.
Mrs. Martin is doing it for goodness’ sake!This one explodes not once, but twice, with a blend of colors unlike any firework I’ve ever seen, and I can’t help but be amazed we picked these up from some stand on the side of the road. It’s as that amazement fills my body that I realize Ihaveto do this. I don’t want to miss out on all of this! As if Rebecca is thinking the same thing, she turns to me and asks one more time, “You sure you don’t want to light one?”
“I think I do,” I whisper back, as if saying it too loud will set me ablaze on the spot.
She links arms with me and practically skips to the box. There’s one firework left. “Looks like you don’t get a choice, but I have a feeling this is going to be a good one.”
I chuckle and shake my head, following her to the stand. Andrew joins us, eager to be a part of the action. “Nice, Em! You’re going to set one off?”
I nod and give him a nervous smile. “I guess so. What do I need to do?”
“It’s super simple. You’ll set the firework in the stand this way.” He shows me the bottom where the fuse is and how it needs to be sitting to get lit and set off properly. “Then you’ll pretty much light this bad boy and stand back to enjoy it in all its glory.”
“You guys better take a few steps back,” I say, taking the lighter from Rebecca.
They follow my orders and I take a deep breath before setting the tube in the stand and flicking the flame on the lighter. The second it hits the tube, I turn and run as fast as I possibly can.
In those two seconds, I hear all the adults cheering and Rebecca whooping, but I can’t help it as my eyes zero in on Andrew’s beaming face as he shouts, “That’s my girl!”
When I reach where Andrew and Rebecca are, I turn just in time to see the last of its flight before the firework shimmers to life. I swear I feel the ground shake with this one. It’s beautiful and exhilarating, and Icannotbelieve I just did that. It’s something so simple, and probably lame to almost anyone else, but I feel proud of myself. I almost missed out on this experience, and all the wonderful feelings that come with it, because I was too afraid.
As the smoke clears away, Rebecca elbows me and lifts her phone for me to see. “Check this out.” She hits play, and I watch myself light the firework and run away, squealing with glee, just like everyone else did. Before the camera quickly turns to the sky to catch the spectacular colors contrasting against the black night, I hear Andrew yelling at me and see the look in my eyes as I gaze back at him.
I hope and pray he didn’t notice that look, and that he doesn’t now as he watches over my shoulder.Wait? What am I afraid of? Him seeing me look at him like a friend? I’m just excited and wanted to share that excitement with him because he was the one who instructed me on how to do this. That’s it.
“Send that to me, please.”
Rebecca nods and presses the share button, typing in my name in the send box.
That night, I watch the video at least five times before I finally close my eyes to go to sleep. As I slow it down, watching the proud look on Andrew’s face, I swear I see a little blush on his cheeks.
CHAPTER 14
Summer 19
“What do you mean?” Andrew stammers. His earlier confidence is gone, and his summer tan has turned nearly ghost white.
I glide a little closer to him, looking into his eyes. “You know exactly what I mean.”
His gaze shifts down nervously. I become aware of the fact that I just asked what we are to each other while we’re naked in the lake with a fifteen-minute walk back to the truck and then a five-minute drive to follow.Way to think.
“Honestly, I don’t know why you need to ask me that after all this time.” He looks off at the mountains and then back at me. “I think I’ve been pretty obvious with how I feel. It’s you that I can’t figure out.”
“What?” The word comes out shrill. “I think I’ve been pretty obvious.” I laugh nervously.
“Hmmm…We both think we’ve been obvious, and we both think the other is confusing. Guess we have some things to work on.”
“Like directly answering the question I just asked you,” I remind him.
“Damn it, Em.” He sounds exasperated, but he continues quickly. “You’re my favorite person in the whole world. I just want to be around you all the time. When I’m with you, I forget about all the shitty things I’ve been through over the last year, and I’m the best version of myself. Seeing your smiling face every day is a true test of my self-control because, God, it takes everything in me not to grab you and kiss your sweet smile.” He continues rambling as if he will lose the courage to say what he has to say if he takes even a second to think about it. “I’ve been stupid in the past, and this summer, I’ve tried to give you the space you need to heal. I know you’ve struggled with being back here. And I hope I don’t have to bury my feelings to be your friend, but if I do, I will. I’ll do whatever I can to keep you in my life because you mean the world to me, and it was hell without you for the last nine months. I didn’t picture this being the setting of this conversation, but at least it’s out there now.”
