Right as I finish, I hear the last words of the intro and the first verse begins.
I get lost in the lyrics. It’s like this song was made for me. It perfectly describes how I feel about Andrew. The lyrics perfectly explain the fear and the aching need to put an end to the charade and be honest about how I feel. That’s a big part of why I’ve always enjoyed books. They have the power to turn these abstract thoughts and feelings I experience into words. Rebecca has shown me over the years how music has that power too, and I’ve been thankful for that gift she has given me because I can’t imagine my life without music now.
The chorus repeats to end the song, and Andrew’s gaze meets mine and lingers.
“Rebecca showed you that song? It doesn’t seem like her style.” He chuckles to himself. “One time she lectured me on how this total hardcore metal song had a really deep meaning. I couldn’t get past the first ten seconds of screaming to get anything out of it.”
I burst into a fit of laughter. “Andrew,” I pause, “you didn’t know?”
He gives me a puzzled look. “Know what?”
“She was totally pulling your leg! She told me all about that during one of our Facetimes. I defended you! I insisted you knew it was a joke and were just messing with her right back, but I guess I was wrong.” I shut my mouth for one moment and then burst out laughing again at the thought of Andrew concentrating on the song and trying to find meaning.
“Hey now! You can be pretty naïve too.”
I lean into him teasingly. “Please enlighten me on howI’vebeen naïve.”
He straightens up in his seat and his voice goes up an octave. “Oh, there have been so many times!”
“Okay, then tell me about them.”
“How about the time Rebecca and I convinced you we were going to get you a snake for your birthday? You were having an absolute meltdown at the thought of us shippingthis snake to you and you being stuck with something that clearly would’ve freaked you out.”
I shrug. “That’s one. Good job. Way to highlight themanytimes I’ve been naïve.” I give him a cocky smirk and throw in a slow clap for good measure.
His next words burst back. “How about every time you’ve believed we are just friends?”
I freeze, and I see him pale a little as he pulls off the road.What is he talking about? What is he doing? Why are we pulling off the road?It’s then that I realize I don’t even recognize where we are. We didn’t go back the normal way. We should’ve been pulling into his driveway by now. I peer out the window, squinting in the early afternoon sun. “Andrew, what…where…what are we doing?”
He leaps out of his truck and comes around, opening the door for me. He grabs my hand to help me step down and closes the passenger door behind me. He locks the truck and starts walking up the path hidden amongst the bushes. The trail looks like it hasn’t been used in ages. There are inklings of new growth in the dirt, and the branches from the bushes on either side grow across it. To add to its sketchy nature, the trail has a very steep incline.
“Andrew!” I stay close behind him, trying to grab his shirt so he will stop and talk with me. Not only does he owe me an explanation of what is going on right now, but he owes me an explanation of what he said a moment ago in the truck.
I finally get close enough to grab his arm. I tug him back, and he stops. “Where on earth do you think we are going?” I ask. “This is exactly how people get killed in horror films.”
“No, it’s not.” He swats his hand at me. “There’s still plenty of hours of daylight left. If this were a horror movie, it’d be pitch black out right now. We are perfectly safe.”
He tries to spin around, but I grab him again. “Oh no you don’t! You need to tell me what you think you’re doing.”
“Weare going up this trail because I’ve always wondered where it leads to. Then we will see what happens.”
My eyes grow huge at his nonchalant response. “What?”
He grabs my hand and starts leading me up. For some reason, I follow him. Clearly, my brain has turned to mush since his comment earlier about believing we are just friends. That’s the only logical explanation for why I continue to follow him.
“You remember what I said a week ago about living part of your life spontaneously?” He doesn’t wait for me to respond. “This is me trying to do that. I took Angie for a drive around the lake two summers ago, and I saw this trail. It was a lot more prominent back then, but I knew she wouldn’t get out of the truck to check it out with me, so we didn’t. Ever since then, I’ve wondered what we missed out on. It could be absolutely nothing, but I might as well go for it. Rebecca would’ve.”
“Okay, let’s go see it,” I say, sounding much calmer and more confident than I feel. I’m still reeling over his remark in the truck earlier, trying to understand, but the moment has passed and we are focused on being spontaneous right now, which, surprisingly, I think I can get behind.
We quickly find the path only grows steeper. We practically have to rock climb to get up the darn thing. Andrew helps, following me and supporting me as I go up. At the top, it opens to a grassy patch, shrouded by trees in every direction. I can’t help but feel disappointed. There’s nothing here.
“This can’t be it,” Andrew insists.
I look around. “I think it is, Andrew. It’s okay, you were still being spontaneous, even if it didn’t go as planned.” The look of disappointment on his face makes me want to wrap him up in my arms. He looks like a little kid who dropped his ice cream cone.
He wanders into the trees. I just watch him as he explores, but then he disappears. Growing paranoid, I quickly jog over to where I saw himenter the trees.
“Em, you’ve gotta come see this!” I hear him shout somewhere from the depths of the trees.
