“But you know where you want it to go, right?”He looked genuinely concerned.
She smiled and nodded.Because that was what would put his mind at ease.“I have thoughts about it.”She looked down at her gift bag and wished her thoughts were as clear as she was trying to make her dad believe they were.
Her father wrapped her in one more hug.“You’ll figure it out,” he whispered as if he knew what was in her heart.Perhaps he did.He had spent so many hours listening to her over the years.Perhaps he knew her heart as well or better than she did.
“I hope so, Dad.I really do.”
“No matter how things work out, remember, you’ll always be loved.”He squeezed her once more before letting go.“You better go get that gift to Fred before he starts playing, and tell him Merry Christmas from me just in case I don’t see him later.Merry Christmas, Tiffany.”
“Merry Christmas, Mr.Adams.”Tiffany turned to Esther.“He’s right.You should get that to Fred.”
Esther drew and released a breath.“I know.”It had to be done, and as her father used to say when she was little and had to do something she wasn’t sure she wanted to do: Perhaps an answer would be found in the doing.
Chapter 13
AsFredtwirledhisguitar pick and watched Esther make her way down the right-hand aisle towards the front, his phone pinged.That should have been set to silent before now.Normally, he turned it off before he even got into the auditorium, but tonight, his mind was a bit jumbled.
He peeked at the message that had come in as he toggled the sound to silent.It was just three words:You’ve got this, but they were words he needed to hear.Of course, Eddie would know that.He gave a small thumbs up as he looked to where his twin was sitting behind the sound board.
Ava was seated in the row closest to the sound booth with her whole family next to her, and Fred wondered if Eddie would even be here for this service next year, or if he’d be off visiting Ava’s family at their church in Wilson’s Crossing.As it was, Eddie was headed to the Johnstons’ house afterward for a get-together, instead of home with him and his brothers, parents, and Gran.
Things were changing.And it felt weird.Unsettling.Messed up.Like his brain.
“Merry Christmas,” Esther said as she reached him, “and my dad said to tell you the same thing, so Merry Christmas, again.”
Fred smiled.“Back atcha both.”
She held out a gift bag to him.“I got you a little something.”
That’s what she said each year.
“And I got you something, too.”He picked up his own gift bag from the front row.“Tell Steve I bought this before you guys were a thing.”That wasn’t what he had planned to say, but for some reason he felt nervous and as if it needed to be said.He took her gift as she took his.“And, um, I know this might be the last time we do this.”He looked at the bag in his hand because that was easier than looking at her.“Even though I wish it wasn’t.”There.That was a start.That should hint to her that he wanted her to still be his best friend and so much more.
“Yeah, me, too.”
That made his eyes turn towards hers.“Why?”
She shrugged and looked as close to tears as he felt.“Change.”
He blew out an audible breath.Who knew one word could knock the wind out of a guy?He nodded.“Right.You hate change.”And he was beginning to understand why.He was hating it, too, at the moment.But for him, this was new.For her it wasn’t.“It’s nothing else.Never has been for you.”He shook his head as anger or frustration or the noisy grief of rejection or some combination of those swirled inside him.
“Well, I hope you enjoy that,” he nodded to her gift.Preferably alone and not with Steve.He wanted to say it.How he wanted to say it, but he wouldn’t.It was a gift.She could share it with whomever she wanted – even Steve.Ugh.He was beginning to despise that name.Not because the guy was bad or anything.He seemed nice enough.It was what he represented.The final loss of Esther.
Her hand landed on his arm before he could scoot away to the safety of the platform.“What do you mean it’s never been anything more than change for me?That makes no sense.”
Okay.So this was happening.He was going to have to give her the whole picture and not just a hint.He glanced at the clock at the back of the auditorium.It had to be quick.There wasn’t too much longer until hehadto be playing.
“You never wanted our friendship to change.I believe those were your words back in grade eleven.”
“I didn’t want to ruin it,” she protested softly.
He shrugged.“It’s kind of late for that now, isn’t it?”
Those were not kind words, and he knew it.
Eddie was wrong.He so didn’t have this.All he had was a jumble of angry, painful feelings churning inside of him and wanting to spew forth.This gift exchange marked an end – unless Esther chose him over Steve, which she didn’t seem to want to do.
She gasped.“I didn’t ruin our friendship.It’s just changing.”
