“Hold up.What?”Henry stood next to the dishwasher with an empty sandwich container suspended above where he was going to put it.
“I’m stepping back wherever Esther is concerned.”
Henry shook his head as if stunned.“Completely?”
Fred nodded.
Henry’s container finally made its way, slowly and deliberately, into the top rack of the dishwasher.That meant his older brother was thinking about what he’d just heard, because Henry wasn’t normally slow and deliberate about dishes.That was Eddie’s thing.
“I told him that he might be taking it a bit too far.”Eddie was now leaning against the other side of the island.“Stepping back does not mean cutting out.”
Fred dropped his head into his hands so that if his eyes weren’t covered by his palms, they’d be looking at the countertop.He didn’t want to see Eddie’s lecturing look or Henry’s concerned but thoughtful one.He just wanted to be miserable and have that misery justified by someone.
“Neither of you know what it’s like to give up the person you love.”He drew and released a breath.This was going to be the worst Christmas ever.
“We’ve both felt the panic of losing our ladies.So, give us some credit.”Henry said.
Fred huffed as he raised his head so he could glare at his older brother.“I’m not sure that counts.”He should have called Brandon.Brandon would have commiserated rather than trying to fix anything.Why did Henry always need to fix things?And Eddie wasn’t much better because he always had to have the correct answer.He huffed again and shook his head.“All you felt was a momentary panic.Neither Ava nor Trish was dating Steve.”
Henry gave him a longsuffering look that included a roll of his eyes.“Do you remember when Lacey broke up with Will?”
Reluctantly, Fred nodded.He didn’t want to give Henry an opening to make a point.
“You should’ve seen him.He was a mess when Gran made me go find him because she was worried about Lacey.His ‘momentary panic’ – ” He surrounded the word with air quotes.“— As you call it, was devastating.His heart was shattered.For that matter, my own would have been in pieces if I hadn’t been so worried about Trish when she took off, and you know more than I do that Eddie felt Ava’s words deeply.”
As expected, Henry was right, but at the moment, Fred didn’t want him to be.“But it still stands that none of you had to listen to your girlfriends talk about hoping to date and maybe marry someone else.”He shook his head and looked at the ceiling.Tears were unmanly, and he willed them to stay away.“At least they WERE your girlfriends.I haven’t even gotten to have that!”
“Do you really love her?”Henry’s question was soft but firm.
“Yes.I’ve tried not to.You know I’ve gone on dates with other ladies.”Several.And none of those dates had ever amounted to anything more than meet up to get coffee because none of those women had been Esther.His heart simply was not available.It had screamed it at him each and every time he had attempted to tell it that it was mistaken.
“Then, stop trying not to,” Henry retorted.
“But I’m not her choice.”
“And exactly how do you know that?Does she even realize you’re more than her best friend and a choice she could make?”
“He asked her out in grade eleven,” Eddie inserted.“She turned him down.”
Henry looked between them in surprise.“Oh, man, I’m sorry to hear that,” he said.“But… and you’re going to hate me for this… I’m going to ask it again: Does she even know that you’re still a choice she could make?Does she seem truly happy with Steve?”
Did she?
Was she?
If only Fred knew the answer to either of those questions.
His shoulders drooped.“I don’t know,” he admitted.“Maybe?Maybe not?But shouldn’t she be given a chance to find out if she could be happy with Steve without me getting in the way?”At least, at present, she didn’t hate him.If she still didn’t want him, AND he messed up her chances with Steve, she just might despise him.
Henry looked at the clock on the wall.“I have to run and change my clothes before we eat, but before I go, I just have one more thing to say.If that’s how you feel, then, I don’t know if you love her enough.”He gave Fred’s shoulder a thump with his fist before he hurried towards his room.
Fred just stared after him.How was he not loving Esther enough?Wasn’t he sacrificing for her happiness?Wasn’t he letting her make her own choice without pressuring her into anything?Esther could be easily swayed sometimes.She liked making people happy.She liked feeling like she fit in, rather than being the odd one out.Fred wasn’t about to make her feel pressured to choose to either date him or hate him.Henry didn’t know what he was talking about.
“He’s right,” Eddie said softly.“I put myself out there for Ava.And we both know that Henry would have chased Trish to wherever she was going and begged her to come back to Hatfield Falls.And Will?Well, imagine how much it took for him to put himself in a place where he could have failed spectacularly.”
Fred shook his head.Maybe hewaswrong.Henry’s opinion he could toss aside more easily than Eddie’s.“But you’d all been accepted once.”
Eddie huffed.“You’re supposed to be the more confident twin.”
