The right side of his dad’s mouth lifted in a bit of a smile.“Some stuff or… someone?”
“Both?”
His dad’s pen and notepad were discarded as he leaned back and folded his arms.“Esther?”
Fred closed his eyes and sighed.“Yeah.She’s dating Steve, and it’s weird.”
“I can see how that would change a friendship,” his dad said, “but does that mean you need to stop doing what you love?”
“I asked God what to do, and I’m pretty sure He said to step back.So yeah, I think I have to give this up.At least for a while.”He wished he didn’t, but he didn’t have peace about keeping his position on the worship team either.It had been a long two days.“Steve seemed a little less than happy to see me in Esther’s classroom on Friday.”
“Why were you there?”his dad asked.
“She needed help with the Christmas program practice, and then, I offered to help her with some things she needed to have cut out before Monday.”
His dad’s head bobbed left and right as he absorbed that information.“I could see how that might make a fellow jealous if he sees his girl with her male best friend working together, but that’s a him problem, not a you problem.”
Oh, Fred knew that.But still… “I just don’t want to be a stumbling block at the beginning of a relationship.It likely wouldn’t be an issue if they had been dating for a while.So, I thought it might be best if I just step back for a while.Let things get settled however they are going to settle.Ya know?”
His dad sighed.It was a resigned and slightly disappointed sound, which matched perfectly how Fred felt.“That seems wise.As your father, I’m proud of you for making what I know must be a hard decision.”
Hard was putting it mildly.Painful, soul-crushing, as welcome as pouring salt water on a hang nail, all those might be better descriptors for the level of difficulty this decision presented.But it, unfortunately, felt like the best one.
“As your pastor,” his dad continued, “I’ve got some mixed emotions.On one hand, I’m pleased to see your willingness to sacrifice on behalf of others.On the other… it’s almost Christmas.You’re kind of needed.”
Fred nodded.“I know.I thought about that, so if you’ll start looking for someone to take over my place, I’ll stay on until all the special services and programs are over.”
“Can you stay until mid-January?”his dad countered.“You can schedule the worship team so that you’re not on at the same time as Esther for now, but it’s going to be tough to find someone at this time of year.”His dad leaned forward.“In fact, you could just schedule Esther to not be on your team until she and Steve have the whole dating thing sorted out.I hate to see you sidelined and then, have whatever is happening between Esther and Steve fizzle.”
“But there’ll be someone else eventually.”
Not that he liked that thought any better than Esther being with Steve.He stood and paced back and forth behind the chair.
“Maybe.Maybe not.”
To be honest, Fred hoped both for the fizzling out with Steve and the maybe not options.As much as he didn’t want Esther with anyone, he also didn’t want her to be alone.He knew how much she had always wanted to be a mom.And all of those thoughts left him feeling guilty.
“But if stepping back is what God is asking me to do…” He stopped behind the chair he had been sitting in and drew and released a deep breath.“Then, I have to give up what I love.We’re supposed to offer everything to Him, right?Be a living sacrifice?”
His dad looked like Fred felt – devastated.
“I can’t argue against that reasoning – even if I want to.”His dad shook his head.“You’re so gifted.I can’t imagine God doesn’t have some other way for you serve with your talent.”He put his elbows on his desk and, leaning forward, rubbed his temples.“Okay.I’ll make an announcement that we have a need for more worship leaders and see what response we get, and at the same time, I’ll pray about how you can still use that musical gift of yours for God’s glory.”
“Thanks, Dad, and I’m sorry.”
“There’s no need to apologize, Fred.We’ll get this sorted.God will come through.Just you wait and see.”
Fred pressed his lips together tightly as he nodded.He hoped his dad was right, and not just about the worship team.Fred had been praying for God to come through where Esther was concerned for six years now.Unfortunately, the answer to that petition seemed to be no.
“He can work even this out for good,” his father assured him.
Fred blew out a breath and let his head hang forward as he leaned heavily on the back of the chair in front of him.“I want to believe it, Dad.I really do.”
“He’s a good Father.Even better than me.”
Fred chuckled at that.“That’s even harder to believe.”In his mind, no one had a better dad then he did, and to imagine God as even better was asking a lot.
“Well, I’ve made plenty of mistakes.”His dad chuckled.“And I remember being short tempered with you boys more than once, so maybe if you scrounge up some memories of those failings, you’ll be able to see the difference.”
