These were the sorts of comments she needed to help her anxiety calm so that she could think.
“I thought so, too.”Steve was a great dad from everything she had seen last year, and it was kind of nice knowing how a guy you were dating was going to be as a parent – even before the relationship reached the point of being serious enough to consider marriage.She smiled as an image of sharing a cup of cocoa on a Sunday evening while tucked up together on the couch with Madison popped into her mind.That was where her love of warm chocolatey drinks had started.On the couch with her mom.There was just something special about mother-daughter snuggles.She sighed silently.Hers had ended far too soon.
“What’s that smile about?”Mandy asked.
“I was just thinking that I’d love to be Madison’s mom.”
“Oh!You’d be amazing at it,” Rosalie said.“I’ve always said that you were born to mother kids – whether that’s in your own home or a classroom.”
“Thanks.”Esther could always count on Rosalie to lift her spirits.Encouragement just seemed to flow from her without an ounce of effort.
“Hold up,” Tiffany inserted.“You’ve only been on one date.It might be a little early to be thinking about minivans, primary suites, and what to pack in a pink kid-size bento box.”
Esther shrugged.“I suppose.But … I can’t help myself.I’d pick being a mom over anything.”
“She’s always been like that,” Rosalie confirmed.
“And,” Esther continued, “I guess I’ve got a soft spot for little girls with moms who don’t want to be part of their lives.”
“I love ya, Esther.I really do, and I know your mom’s leaving did a number on you.But you can’t save them all.Maybe not even one.”Mandy was the matter of fact, tell-it-like-it-is friend in their group.“Because to save even one, you’ll have to marry the dad.So might I suggest that you focus on if you can see yourself as a second wife to a divorcee.”She gave Esther a look that was all too familiar to her.It was the same one that she had worn when she told Esther that she could do better than Fred as a date for the hayride all those years ago.
“You don’t like him?”Disappointment coloured her words and settled into her heart.Why couldn’t Mandy ever just be happy for her when it came to guys she wanted to date?
Mandy sighed.“No, I like him.I just don’t know if he’s right for you.Like I said, you’ve got all that baggage from your dad’s divorce.Do you really want to take on more baggage of the same sort?”She held up her hands when Esther huffed.“I’m not saying don’t date him.I’m saying don’t rush into anything just because you love his little girl.”
“You really know how to throw a wet blanket over a fun time,” Rosalie said.“Let her make her own decision.”
Esther couldn’t agree more.This was how Mandy had always been.If there was a negative side to things, she’d see it, and if she thought it was in the best interest of her friends, she’d forcefully make her points known about why something was not a good idea.Most of their friends just put up with it and moved on with life, but for Esther it hadn’t been, and still wasn’t, so easy.
“I’m not going to make this decision for her,” Mandy snapped.
“Well, there’s a first,” Rosalie muttered.
Rosalie was not only great at encouraging those whose spirits needed lifting; she was also a guardian of those whom she thought needed protection.Esther loved her for it, especially since she fit in both categories.She might look like she had everything under control to most people, but Rosalie knew her insides were more organized chaos than orderly files and piles when it came to all things dating.
“Hey!I’ve grown up,” Mandy protested.“I only give advice now.I don’t tell people what to do.”
Mandy knew Esther’s secret weakness, too, which made it easier for her to persuade Esther to make decisions based on her advice, rather than what Esther really wanted.
“Is there some context that I’m missing?”Tiffany asked.
“Have you ever watched that old movieMean Girls?”Rosalie asked.
“Wait a minute!I was not a mean girl – ever!”
“Says you.”Rosalie turned her attention back to Tiffany.“Let’s just say she liked to be the queen bee whenever we allowed it, and you know how sweet Esther is.”She smiled as if that was enough of an explanation.
“I value my friends’ opinions on things.”Even to her, Esther’s defence of herself sounded like a lame excuse for having been convinced to give up on the guy she had a massive crush on.
Had?Who was she kidding?She still liked him.If only she had been more secure in who she was back in grade eleven, then, maybe now she wouldn’t be dating a guy and trying to convince herself that she could like him enough to be his daughter’s mom.
This wasn’t how things were supposed to be.Two nights ago, she was supposed to have sat next to Steve in a dark theatre and felt some sort of tingles when he held her hand.She was supposed to have sighed with satisfaction after he kissed her good night.He was supposed to have been eager to come to church to hear her sing.
None of that had happened as it should have.Not a single solitary thing had gone as it was supposed to.
And that had her naturally wobbly feelings about dating wiggling and jiggling like a bowl of warm jello.
“Well, don’t let us form your opinion,” Rosalie said.“What do you think of Steve?”
