He held my head and kissed my face and whispered dirty little nothings into the air between us. “So good. You’re so fucking good. I don’t deserve to feel like this. I don’t deserve you.”
“You do,” I murmured, too overwhelmed by the weight of everything that had changed so suddenly. “We do. We deserve this. We deserve each other.”
He pressed his forehead to mine and slammed into me, rocking my body in time with his, and I couldn’t control it any longer. I let myself drown in whatever had gripped me so completely, my fangs throbbing, my nails becoming claws.
Do it, the male voice said. Please do it. You want to. I want you to.
Any hesitation floated away, leaving me with only pure impulse and driving need. His thrusts slowed down as he leaned his head to the side, bearing his throat and the beacon at his shoulder, calling me to claim it.
I didn’t think. I acted. Leaning up, I sank my teeth into the tender skin and bit down hard enough to break through, deep enough that my canines pierced the scent glands, embedding my saliva in his body. Metal ambrosia filled my mouth, and I drank it down, moaning at the rich, decadent flavor, almost as good as his seed.
Him. Him. Him.
He roared and stilled inside of me, his cock twitching with his release, and another climax thundered through me, arching my back as he filled me in both ways. My molecules collapsed, reformed, and exploded. My cunt trapped him as his knot expanded, locking us in place. My wolf howled, igniting my atoms and sending me floating into the universe. We were crashing stars. Supernovas. Two immovable forces that had been trapped in each other’s gravity for so long, our collision was inevitable. Now that it happened, the Gods looked down on us with impudence, wondering what the hell had taken us so long to realize it.
In the aftermath, my entire body tingled. The shifter magic in my veins rearranged to accommodate him—the satisfied sensation in his chest, the rush of his elation, the shock and surprise that I’d marked him.
“Fucking…fuck,” he whimpered as he collapsed on top of me, heaving deep gasps and twisting his arms under my body to hold me tight.
I wanted to talk about what happened. I wanted him to mark me back, to make me his in every way, mates were supposed to. But exhaustion claimed me, and my eyelids fell like anvils, and despite still being connected to him, I drifted off to sleep.
The full weight of what I’d done didn’t hit me until the next morning, when I woke up in my bed, aching and alone. My sheets smelled like cinnamon and sex, but the pillow next to mine had long gone cold. Which meant he’d gotten up sometime in the middle of the night, realized what happened, and left.
I clenched my eyes shut as shame boiled my blood, wrapping around my heart and yanking until I couldn’t breathe.
Marking him? Really?
What the hell is wrong with me?
We weren’t mates. We were hardly friends, and despite everything he’d done for me in the last few days, he didn’t deserve this. How could I have reacted so rashly?
Usually, mating bites were completed after the alpha had performed a joining ceremony in front of the pack. It was a sign of devotion, a magical bond signifying unity and consensual commitment. I’d taken that choice from him. I’d taken the chance for him to ever find a true mate.
And he’d left. Rightfully so. If he’d done this to me, I’d be infuriated. Hell, I was enraged, but with myself. I dug my palms into my eyes and bit back a scream.
How could I do this?
My wolf growled in protest, attempting to calm me down. She sensed it would be all right, but I didn’t see how that would be possible.
He didn’t bite me back.
I touched the side of my neck to be sure, and when I felt only smooth skin, I sighed with both relief and rejection. If I didn’t accept the mating bond in return, if he didn’t mark me, perhaps it would go away. Maybe he’d have a chance to move on, to find whoever he was supposed to be with and…
A snarl in my chest cut off the thought. I tried to imagine a world where he held someone else’s kid in his arms, where he brought someone else food after a long day, where he let someone else ravage his body and worship his skin. Cement dread mixed with raging jealousy in my veins, and I took a deep breath to wash it away.
No. Mine.
I couldn’t let myself dwell on it. I had to get up and head to the infirmary. I’d already been away longer than I felt comfortable with, even if the situation with Fen sat on my chest like an elephant.
I showered and went through the motions, trying to hone in on that magical residue I’d felt last night, when my soul had rearranged itself around his presence. Was it still there? Could I still sense it? Or had he already rejected it?
I’d spent my career studying shifter anatomy. I’d learned as much as I could, and even that was woefully inadequate when faced with the unpredictability of our supernatural world. Magic couldn’t be contained. It refused to be understood. And even if I came close, it mutated. It did whatever it wanted, seemingly on its own accord. Things like fate and predetermination were variables I needed to take into account, but how could I reason with them when they refused to be consistent?
And if fate determined such significant events like love and mates, how could I trust any of it? How could I trust this underlying affection for Fen when I couldn’t tell if it was real? What did that even mean? What was real when we existed in a world where so much was out of our control?
Thoughts like this plagued me long after I dressed and headed to my kitchen to eat. But when I opened my fridge, I stared at the leftovers Fen had brought me yesterday and quickly lost my appetite.
I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have bitten him.
