“Mmmm, yes it does.”
An hour later Vega and Nyelle were cozy in his bed, with her snuggled in his arms, exhausted and satisfied, only Vega’s mind was racing. As tired as he was, he couldn’t sleep so he lay there in the dark thinking about everything.
“What?” Nyelle mumbled when she realized he was wide awake at almost six in the morning. She wanted to be anything but awake but she felt Vega’s anxious energy.
“Nothing, go to sleep.”
He kissed the top of her head but Nyelle groaned and turned to face him. “I can’t. I feel you thinking and it’s loud.”
Vega kissed her forehead, exposing a smile. “How you feel me thinking?”
“I just do, so talk.”
His lips curved against her forehead. “My pops being there was weird as hell. I’m still not feeling him, but I was glad he came. He’s trying.”
“He is. I can see it. He wants you to be happy.”
“Yeah, he does. He also told me that my mom would like you. He said a bunch of other shit about her too. That really fucked my head up at first but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. You’re a lot like her. I think that’s why I just knew.”
“Knew what?”
“That I was gonna marry you. It’s also why I’ve been so pissed at him lately. My mom was everything and it’s like she died and never existed to him. That shit fucked me up. After being with you, I know for sure I couldn’t just forget someone I had a connection with that strongly. I didn’t understand how he could. If anything ever happened with us, I wouldn’t be able to just walk away like that shit didn’t matter. He did. It made me hate him.”
“But you don’t know that he did. Everything’s not always what it seems.”
Vega exhaled slowly and nodded. “Yeah, I know, but it still hurts, and I’m still pissed. But when he was talking to me about you tonight, I could see it. He still loves her and he wants me to love you like that. He can’t give me shit, I’m grown, and he missed the opportunity. He knew that but he wanted to give me something, so he gave me confirmation that it’s supposed to be you. I know it sounds crazy as hell and it may not make sense, but he spoke for my mother tonight about you in a way I couldn’t get any other way. I still have shit to figure out with him, but I appreciate him giving me that.”
Nyelle wasn’t sure what to say. His words were an emotional overload, so she didn’t say anything. She simply kissed his chest and tightened her arms around him which was good enough. Vega closed his eyes, allowing his brain to settle after speaking his piece and sleep began to settle in. It wasn’t until that moment that Vega realized there was nothing in his life that would ever be more important than the woman who had effortlessly stolen his heart.
EPILOGUE
“East, how do you feel about what your mother just expressed?”
This was why he didn’t want to be here. East had declined the invitation to be a part of his mother’s recovery as long as he could but had recently given in based on the conversation he had with Dr. Abbot, Priscilla’s appointed mental health specialist. Abbot’s credentials stated she was a Doctor of Psychology with fifteen years’ experience but Priscilla referred to Dr. Abbot as her mental health specialist. It made her feel lessbroken. Dr. Abbot informed East that he was the last stage in his mother’s recovery and because he loved his mother enough to want her happy and healthy, he showed up. Despite his feelings about discussing the past he was trying to forget, he was there for his mother.
Dropping his eyes to his lap to prevent himself from speaking irrationally, East moved his hand across his hair then down to his beard before he gave his mother one last glance and answered Dr. Abbot.
“Truthfully, I’m tired of discussing it. I love her more than anybody but discussing what that muthafucker did meansremembering and I don’t want to keep giving it power. That’s why I don’t talk about it.”
Priscilla’s eyes misted at her son’s words and East noticed. Sucking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, he covered her hand with his.
“Ma, don’t do that. You can’t ask me to be honest if you’re not ready to hear what I have to say.”
Priscilla nodded and smiled. “I’m just glad that you’re here.”
“That’s what’s most important.” Dr. Abbot smiled at them both. “East, what I hear is that you would rather block it out versus talking about it?”
He laughed sarcastically, shaking his head. “There isn’t anything to talk about. It happened. I can’t change it. It doesn’t control me and she’s learning not to let it control her. Isn’t that why she’s here? This isn’t about me.”
“In a sense, it is. Part of your mother’s healing is knowing you’re not conflicted by the things that happened in your past. Knowledge of your conception has the potential to shape who you are, how you think, and how you see yourself…ifyou allow it to.”
East looked at Dr. Abbot with a blank expression before releasing a cocky laugh. “The only thing myconceptionhas the potential to do is make me catch a flight and unload a clip in that muthafucker. For the record, he’s still breathing. I learned how to manage it. I don’t need your help to handle how I manage it.” Once he spoke his piece to Dr. Abbot, East turned to his mother. “Ma, I’m good, trust me. If I wasn’t, you would know. If that’s what you need to be okay, then I’m giving it to you right here, right now. I would never lie to you. Let that shit go and be happy for me and Kels. You deserve that and it’s been a long time coming.”
Priscilla stared at her son briefly before she snorted through a laugh mixed with a cry. “I’m happy, baby. It took a lot to get here but I really am happy.”
“Remember what we talked about?” Priscilla and her son both gave their attention to Dr. Abbot, with Priscilla nodding slightly.
“I’m only responsible for my feelings and actions. I have to allow everyone else the ability to be responsible for theirs.”
