And I was uneasy.
The last thing I wanted to do was to be away in case Ling needed me. She didn’t know anyone else in the entire state. The organization had no issue with looking out for our people while we were away, but that didn’t do much to make me feel better. Stuff with us had just shifted and now I was leaving. I didn’t want things to shift back when I wasn’t around to make her sure about whatever this thing was between us.
And to be real I didn’t want my mind to falter and then have her feeling like I’d been playing around. Being without her would give me too much time to think. My body would be focused on training but that would give my brain time to talk me out of my thinking she was a good person. My heart knew that shit, but my head was constantly warning me that I was getting in too deep with her. Didn’t keep me from further integrating her into my life or keep me out of her body.
Damn, was I turning into a fuckboy?
Just another reason to hate that bitch because she had me doubting a woman I knew wasn’t scandalous all for wanting to protect myself.
She’d been right that night after we slept together for the first time. I couldn’t call it making love, not yet, but it was far deeper than fucking. I was on her ass the second we got in her room and when she pulled her shirt over her head and let my two best friends come out to play; I resigned myself to being exhausted the next morning. We were lucky that Ami slept in but I had to force myself to nap during her nap times instead of climbing back up in Sterling.
Sterling handed me my toiletry bag to put inside my book bag while she nodded. “We’ll be fine. I’ve been here for a few months. I think I can handle your being gone for a few weeks.”
“Damn and here I am stressed about not seeing you every day and you ready to get me out. You got a side nigga coming over?” I moved toward her fitting my hands on the hips she swore were too damn much but felt like heaven underneath my fingers.
“Never. I’m probably going to design Ami’s outfits for the first game and then go on from there. It’s not like a baby isn’t a full-time job. I mean I get paid to take care of her daily.” There was something in the way she said that and I wasn’t sure if it was insulting her by still paying her salary or if she thought the payments were continuing because of something else. Either way, I wasn’t going to delve into it because I frankly didn’t have the time.
Instead, I squeezed her hips and looked at her expectantly. “So that was a yes you’d miss me or?”
She rolled her eyes but she smiled as I bent down to kiss her forehead. “Yes, I’ll miss you. I’ll have to fill my quiet time with hunting down a new book boyfriend on my Kindle to fill the lonely nights since you won’t be around.” When she smirked like that it made me feel some kinda way. I had to let her know what was up.
“A nigga on paper won’t ever match up to what you have standing in front of you.” My dick and I felt insulted she wasgiving some imaginary muthafucka a title before I even had one.Did I want one?
She blinked and then smiled ruefully. “That most certainly can’t be argued so I’m going to just hush.”
I kissed her again, sliding my hand up her cheek to caress the side of her face. “You sure you're gonna be good?”
“Yes, I promise. I don’t know how busy your schedule is going to be—”
“Busy. I might only get a few calls a day and they won’t be long.”
She bit her lip and I could see the doubts about me, about this running through her mind. I was gone have to talk to my boy about this situation because I truly needed someone to help me figure out how to weather this storm. I was sure that Ant had some shit with Aphrodite too and I needed to see how I could get her to trust me. My nigga, you haven’t even been completely honest with her.
That thought shook me for a second and I had to quickly mask how the fuck I was feeling before she thought I wasn’t for real.
“And I understand that. If you’re worried that I’m going to change my mind—”
“Slightly. "But at least know you have to be here when I get home or else I can charge you with kidnapping so that takes some of the stress out.”
“Damn at least say you have faith in me. Not you going straight to calling the law.”
I kissed her again before I took a step back. “Over my baby I damn sure would.”
“You don’t have to worry. Aphrodite and I have set up a few lunches so that she’s not bored. She has to train and rehab but we’ll be spending time with each other. Sarayah has invited me to come over to get out of the house. I’m sure she’s doing it onthe strength of Aphrodite but it’s still an option. I promise we’ll be good. You focus on what you need to accomplish and know that home is taken care of.”
I nodded before walking over to Ami and lifting her out of her carrier. She gave me one of her watery, gummy smiles and I almost dropped a tear. My heart was really breaking at the thought of not being able to hold her everyday. I held her close to my chest and gave her a squeeze even though she wasn’t of the age she could hug me back. The antibiotics that her pediatrician had given her for her ear infection, which had led to me and Ling crossing the line were doing their job. She’d returned to being a happy baby and I was glad I wasn’t leaving Ling with a sick kid.
I kissed her cheek and spoke so only she could hear me.
“Be good for your mama while I’m gone.”
“Fellas, the last round of business is the lady’s luncheon. If you’ve changed girlfriends this year we need to know who and where to send the paperwork for the invitations. I’m not about to have y’all hoing asses causing a scene at the event because your new lady and your ex both got invited. Put your people down on the invite so they don’t get left out.”
Stew was handing out that advice, and for the first time I was listening. Anthony was too because he hopped up like he was about to sign up. It was only day two of camp and my ass was missing my baby and Sterling. Like checking my phone and the cameras in the house whenever I had a break because being without them felt like I was missing a limb. I kept reaching out for Sterling in the bed or thinking about giving Ami her next bottle before I realized she wasn’t around. The camp facility was a few hours away from home, which was why I’d driven myself tothe Desperados’ facility. Our return time was questionable and I didn’t want Sterling to have to get herself and Ami ready at the drop of a hat when I was ready to go.
I looked over at Ant when I saw him hop his ass up. “What you doing?”
We were all dressed alike in dark royal blue workout shorts and white team logo tees. Our teammates were forming lines and now I was on my feet. “‘Bout to put AP’s name on that sign up what you mean?” Anthony’s face showed that he thought I wasn’t keeping up with the conversation. He wasn’t wrong cause I’d zoned out for a minute.
