“You must’ve just gotten up off Anthony for you to be talking like that.” Those two were deeply into each other and it was beautiful to see. I’m sure any woman’s freak flag would fly when she was loved so completely and had a man who wanted nothing more than to be her person.
“Did, but I would still feel the same way even if I hadn’t. Perception from outside of our community is being diluted with the opinions of outsiders. I’m Black people skinny but to white people they think I’m just regular and too muscular. Think about that lil South African girl who wanted to be calledcolouredso she could distance herself from being Black. If we’re not all aiming to look like her, i.e. live by their beauty standards, we’re seen as undeserving of anything they deem as good.”
“She really fumbled the bag with that shit. She got famous for singing a song about finally having an orgasm and all she had to do was learn some culture and collect her coins.” Knowing what I did about the music industry I had thoughts but I was going to keep them to myself because Aphrodite wasn’t far off about that girl being a plant to have Black women feeling self-conscious.
“I know! But you know we look at her and think ‘damn she’s tiny.’ But the other folk think she’s perfect.”
“Really, they called that girl’s body goals and it was weird as hell.”
“Exactly. In tennis, I might be fit and an athlete but even with the strides of other Black women before me I’m still not the body they think of as their ideal. I've got too many curves and too much ass to be a true tennis body prototype. And don’t get me started on my hair.” She was giggling but I was sure that she’d had a hard time because she grew up in the spotlight so her self-confidence was hard won.
I sucked my teeth because anyone who didn’t think my friend was gorgeous was blind and dumb. “Fuck them people.”
“And I think you need to say the same to whoever is in your head. The idea that because you aren’t a stick means you’re fat is ridiculous. You need to get that straight right now. And let’s be real, there’s a lot of chemistry between the two of you so why not see what could happen?”
“I know you’re in the middle of your fairy tale but honestly I’ve never thought about it being a part of my life. I’m really trying to do the wholethink positivething and it’s been easier the further I’m away from the people that stress me, but I want to be realistic. Like, it’s easier for me to think they’ll hate me so that I have my armor on beforehand, you know?” Damn this vulnerability was new for me. I never spoke openly about my feelings because they were too easily used as fodder when I displeased one or both of them. Having somebody who legitimately listened and didn’t judge was wild. But it was refreshing.
“You don’t like being thick?”
I winced because even though she didn’t mean it negatively I still couldn’t help how that word made me feel. “That doesn’t sound good.”
I could hear her giggle like she knew she’d said the wrong thing but wanted to reinforce that she thought I was being crazy. “Yes, it does. Thick thighs save lives.”
“I have a mother who has measured herself against French fashion houses her whole life. So yeah, if you’re anything bigger than a small or extra small you’re fat.”
“Damn, that sounds unhealthy as hell. I mean I get the mother thing because mine was just as superficial but I guess being an athlete worked to my advantage to get her to shut up.”
I laughed at Aphrodite because, by her own admission, her mother mainly nagged her and put her dreams down. Her mother was bad but her dad was way worse. “You not gonna give that lady any credit for maybe not being terrible?”
It was Aphrodite’s turn to suck her teeth because she really ain’t fool with that lady at all. “None at all.”
I flopped back on the bed even though I knew I needed to get up and get ready. “I just don’t want to be reading any of these signals wrong and think it’s more than him being nice.”
“Sterling, I need you to read the room. That man looks at you like he wants to devour you. So yes, the professional part might be in his mind when he’s being nice to you. But the man in him sees the woman that you are. You’re going to overthink this and talk yourself out of it. Don’t do it.”
“You’re right. I just don’t want to mess up.”
“Whatever is for you is for you. So don’t block your blessing and go into this with no expectations. If you do it that way then you won’t have to bear the weight of extreme disappointment that comes with putting people on a pedestal.”
“Is that what you did with Anthony?”
She barked out a laugh and I had to join in with her. Why was she giving me this advice if she didn’t follow it herself?
“That man didn’t have nearly the amount of issues standing between us so there was no need for me to doubt him. Besides wondering if he was a fuckboy. But when someone lays themselves on the line and shows you their soul, that’s something that solidifies they're not just saying shit they won’tback up. If birds of a feather flock together then I’d have to believe that Money is a stand-up guy.”
I nodded because her words made sense so all I could do was what she’d advised: go with the flow until he showed me otherwise.
“Thank you for that. I needed a pep talk.”
“Girl, anytime. That’s what friends do.” Aphrodite spoke as though that title was easy to bestow on me but I didn’t take it lightly.
“I appreciate that. I guess I should be getting ready since we’re supposed to be leaving soon.”
“Sterling, get off this damn call so you can get ready for this…outing. You're over here playing with fate. Gone head and get cute so you can impress yourman.”
I got up but couldn’t help but laugh because she’d calmed me down to where I could be lighthearted about what might happen.
“I’m up and I’m getting ready. I’ll let you know how it goes.”
