When her head cocked to the side and she stared at me I had to wonder if she thought I was out here making the moves on Aldrich. When I didn’t flinch under the gaze she nodded slightly and crossed her arms.
“Now back to what I came out here to speak to you about initially.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t realize we’d gotten off subject.”
“We did. The subject was your taking care of yourself. I’m not trying to embarrass you, but what’s your deal with food?” I was embarrassed because I felt like I’d done a good job of eating like a normal person. “I know you’re wondering about why I’m saying something but it’s only because I’ve seen the same behaviors in some of my younger patients. They overthink their food choices and I can see you having some of the same hesitations. I work as a Pediatric nurse practitioner at a disordered eating facility.”
I nodded because I knew she was a nurse practitioner but I wasn’t sure what type. Hearing that it was for pediatrics made all the more sense with some questions she’d asked me.
“I’ve been berated for the amount of food that I eat ever since I could remember. My mother is tiny, I am not. I take after my daddy’s people from the south.”
“So you get stressed out about eating.”
I picked at my fingers but then clenched my fingers into fists so I wouldn’t mess up my nails. “Yeah, unless I know it’s something that she would approve it’s really hard for me to just…eat. And I hate feeling like a weirdo, which is why I hesitate sometimes. It’s nothing to do with you; it’s just really hard—”
Miss Sonya put a hand on my arm and I blew out a breath because I could feel myself getting worked up. “Stop, Sterling. There’s nothing wrong with you or how you feel. Everybody has issues they carry and you’re carrying something heavy that you shouldn’t have to. Doesn’t mean it’s not there affecting the way that you move. My best advice is to use your knowledge and not your emotions with food.”
“You make it sound easy.”
“It’s not. I know and understand that putting that first foot forward is the hardest. The second foot is the next hardest and being consistent with it is even worse. You’ve had years of training your mind to think like this, one night with me isn’t going to undo it.”
“Would you mind if I spoke with you sometimes? I’ve started working out with Aldrich to help me not be so stagnant and I think it’s helping the physical part but not the mental.”
“Are you going to do the orthorexia thing? And do extreme workouts to balance your calories?”
“Uh…no?” Nothing about me gave extreme workouts nor would it ever.
“That was the only acceptable answer. Because you can’t take care of Ami if you can’t take care of yourself.” Ms. Sonya looked satisfied with my ability to communicate my fears and my hesitations.
“I’m good.”
“No, you, like many people in this country, have a jacked up relationship with food. And it’s hard not to because unlike other substances you just can’t stop eating. Well, you can but that’s a whole other issue.”
“I’m not getting there, trust me.”
When she smiled I felt like I’d passed some silent test that I didn’t realize I was auditioning for. “I know you won’t. And I feel as though you wouldn’t have these issues to begin with if your mother had been worth a damn. But don’t worry, once you kick her out of your head, you’ll be able to move on from letting her criticisms dictate how you behave.”
I nodded because I’d already started. Being here was proof enough of that. “Thank you for believing in me.”
“You’re welcome, but I think you’re further along than you know. You love Amisha far too much to treat her the way you were. And as you continually to speak positively to her, you’ll do it for yourself.”
“That’s a lot to put on a newborn.”
“You won’t be doing it on purpose, it’s just a natural byproduct of you loving her the way you do. Now let’s go inside before Aldrich thinks I’ve run you off. He’s been hovering by this back door for the last few minutes.”
I turned to look behind us and sure enough he was standing there with a curious look on his face.
“He’s very overprotective.”
“He is. But only over those he loves.” She raised her eyebrows with a knowing smile and walked back into the house without another word.
“You got a second?”
I looked up from where I was relaxing on the bed because Ms. Sonya had once again kidnapped the baby from me. I felt like I wasn’t earning my paycheck with her here but she reassured me that camp was starting soon and I would more than earn it then when I was alone. I’d even hung out and explored the city with Cassie a little when we went and made a grocery run for the family. They would be leaving in a few days and Aldrich would be leaving for camp in just over a week so I took her advice and enjoyed the quiet while I could.
“Yeah, what’s going on?” I put down my Kindle and sat up in bed while he stayed in the doorway. Aldrich’s body language was off. He seemed nervous, almost tense and his face was tight. When he sighed my hackles went up even more. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. I…so the twins wanted to go out.”
