“You make it sound so simple.”
He shook his head, the graying waves still as crisp as they probably were when he was raising hell and pulling baddies in the late eighties. “Not simple. Just how it works out. We’ve got plenty of time today. I’m not on a fifty-minute hour so please go ahead.”
“I don’t begrudge the baby her life. I just hate how she got here.”
“Because her choice of mother was someone that you wouldn’t have normally chosen.” Not a question, but an observation. One made based on my character and the type of person I knew he could tell I was from previous sessions.
“No, she’s not. She was my stalker.” That was putting it lightly but that was all I could handle relating for right now. I exhaled again, disgust with myself and this situation filling me once again.
That got a reaction out of him and I knew there were many questions he wanted to ask me but he wouldn’t. This session wasn’t to sate his curiosity but to help me figure out mycoping mechanisms.
“Is this something the police need to know about?” He sounded concerned but the last thing I wanted right now was more publicity.
“Seeing as how she’s dead I’m not sure what the point is. And this getting out will look bad. Not for me, but for the baby. I don’t want her labeled as something that she shouldn’t be. Or have her read sordid details when she gets older.”
His brows rose slightly as though he were happy with my answer. As it was I had to pray that her mother’s social mediaaccounts would be scrubbed soon but with the way her parents were acting, I wasn’t hopeful.
“And you said you resented her? It seems like you’re doing what you can to protect her.”
I hadn’t thought of it that way, but it was the truth. I did want to protect her because even though she was the product of something ugly; she hadn’t done anything wrong. She was the only innocent person in the entire situation. I knew that my protecting her was something that a man was supposed to do for his kid. Maybe it wasn’t hopeless for me but the last thing I wanted Ami to know was that the way she was conceived was based on a crime. That would immediately make her doubt her self-worth, her very existence and I wasn’t about to have that.
“I care about what happens to her. I might not have thought of having a kid right now, but she’s here. And I want to give her the best I can because that’s what every kid deserves. For their parents to give them the best. Maybe it makes me a sap—”
“It makes you a good dad.” That was the first time he’d ever interjected his opinion and I guess he understood just how much I needed that confirmation that I wasn’t fucking up completely.
“I don’t feel like it right now.”
“Tell me about the nanny.”
I hated how my soul felt brighter the minute he mentioned her. Sterling was a lifesaver. She was the only reason I could have a semblance of a life. She gave me the stability I needed to navigate through this without being alone. Her lack of judgment and her physical presence gave me time to process all of this without having to do all the hands-on work for Ami. She was going to have my eternal gratitude, which is why it was so easy for me to add her name to Ami’s.
“Sterling seems cool. She’s young, like twenty-five I think and she’s smart as shit. Nurse, full background in taking care ofkids. Was an emergency hire but she knows far more than I do about babies. She’s helped me a lot.”
“You sound fond of her.” When I glanced up he had a sly smile on his face and I wondered why everyone kept making a point of saying that. Shouldn’t I like Sterling? I mean, damn, she was living in my house with me and raising my kid.
I shrugged my shoulders because I was but I knew that wasn’t what he meant. “She’s saving my life.”
“That’s strong words.”
“It’s facts. I don’t even make light of it, it’s just the truth. She be in the trenches with the baby when I’m knocked out asleep. She makes sure that I can rest and prepare for my day. I tried to talk to her about days off but she seems locked in. It’s only been a few days, but even before Ami got home she was making sure things were in order, buying what was needed and being in communication with the care team at the hospital.”Like a mother would.
“Have you been spending time with her?”
“Nah, I mean she is with the baby mostly.”
“No. The baby. What’s her name?”
“Amisha Sterling Dinero.” When Doc’s brows shot up I knew he’d done it on purpose. This man’s poker face was second to none so he wanted me to see his shock and surprise at my name choice.
“Interesting.”
“I didn’t even have a name for my own daughter, Doc. Sterling came up with two on the spot. Amisha means beautiful but guileless and I picked that one because it’s exactly how I want to raise her. I don’t want a pretty fool for a daughter who only goes after people because of money or status. And I gave her Sterling’s name because she will be the one around to help me in that task. There’s no greater way of saying thank you in advance than that.”
Doc nodded but continued to study me. His quiet contemplation gave me more time for my own as I thought more about how things were going to look between the two of us. I couldn’t lie that I was proud of how I’d been handling this shit so far. Especially the way I’d handled Sterling. The first day I’d been kinda standoffish because having another woman in my space after that crazy bitch did what she did made my skin crawl. But it was like my soul told me that Sterling was safe and I didn’t need to battle my gut instinct that she was good people. When we discussed the camera setup, she wanted me to install one in the baby’s room and in the den off our section of the bedrooms where a lot of their time would be spent. I refused because the last thing I wanted to do was invade her privacy. She let me know it was well within my rights and that I might want to check in with her or even see Ami when I was gone. Someone suggesting more surveillance wasn’t about to do anything crazy.
But there was still the other problem I had with Ling’s ass.
And it was her literal ass. Sterling was fine as fuck. The kind of fine that had my dick bricking up when this muthafucka had been damn near inverted into my pelvis since I watched that tape. But now? My shit was at full mast whenever she walked into the room. Sterling had the body that I loved on a woman. A brick house like my mama’s people used to call it. Wide ass hips, a round ass and some full titties I wanted to just lay my head on. Her waistline dipped in but she had the pudge at her belly that showed she ate well and enjoyed life. She wasn’t one of these women getting fat sucked out instead of going to the gym or jumping in a faja compression garment. Not that anything was wrong with it but I craved reality in a world that was built on fantasy. And damn if Sterling’s ass wasn’t both. Her skin was like mine in a maple brown tone poured over all that sin but with a girl next door face. She even had a damn cleft chin and her facial features reminded me a little of the actress Danielle Brooks.
