Silently we rode down to the front of the hospital where his car was waiting at the valet. It took a minute for him to talk, and I was in the backseat with Ami as he drove us back toward his home.
“I’m sorry about all of this. I didn’t expect any of this to happen today.”
“You don’t have to apologize. We can’t control other people. Just relax because no one is mad at you. You’re navigating this the same way I am. We’ll get through it together, right?”
“Yeah. I just pray they leave me the fuck alone.”
“I have to be honest, Aldrich, that probably won’t happen.” He stopped because traffic had backed up slightly probably because of the shift handoff that was happening when we were leaving the hospital. Aldrich glanced in the rearview mirror to look me in my eyes and I saw his were filled with stress.
“Damn, just kill my hope?”
“I’ll always tell you the truth. And the truth is they really want to have access to this baby no matter what you want. I don’t know the background and it’s not my business. But what I will tell you is that people with money are always targets. You’ve got to ensure that you can’t become one for them.”
“And how do I do that?” He seemed to hang on my every word but I hoped Billy or someone with more knowledge would give him advice.
“By getting everything put down on paper and put on file. If I know your agent she’s probably already started working on that for you. She seems like she’s on her shit.”
He nodded as he eased the car forward and hopped on the interstate. Aldrich kept his speed a lot slower than he had coming to pick Ami up and it was cute that he was being extra cautious because of his new precious cargo.
“She is. I wonder if she’s already started looking into this for me.”
“Get full custody but also know that they might throw a bunch of terms at you like grandparent’s rights. They might attempt to cause disruption in your life but we’re going to do what we can to prevent that.” I’d seen and heard secondhand information from enough of my peers to understand that when money was involved, the gloves were off. Add to that, they felt wronged because of his lack of concern for their daughter and these people were dangerous. Not only were they grieving, they were bitter and being denied what they thought was rightfully theirs: Ami and Aldrich’s money.
“Thank you, Sterling. You and Billy are really just the only people keeping me together right now.” Aldrich’s head was propped in his hand for a second as he drove before he remembered himself and sat up fully.
“With her job, I’m sure she’s got some experience with crazy and I do too. So we’ll use what we have to keep you protected.” I looked at Ami who was still sleeping peacefully through all of this.
“I feel like you need a raise.”
I laughed even though I knew he was being serious. It was crazy to me that I hadn’t taken care of this child at all yet and he was already trying to give me more money. “Right now we need to get her home. She needs to get settled into her new surroundings and I have a few suggestions for you when we get back to your home.”
“Which would be?”
“Carrying her. And not high and tight like you would a football. I mean carrying her against your chest so that she can hear your heartbeat. Right now, it’s probably the only sound that will soothe her efficiently. We talked about the incubator disrupting the bonding she needed especially since she didn’t get to fully bake. Skin to skin is going to be crucial for her and that starts tonight.”
The first night alone with a new baby was always trying. I’d been a night nanny before and of course had taken care of children in the hospital but these circumstances were different. It felt way too good to have this little baby on my chest. The type of thing life was made of kind of good.
Her father had gotten us home and done skin to skin with her for about two seconds before he was running like a ghost was out to get him. Whatever demons he had were back on him and now it looked as though he were going to give in. I didn’t want to be angry at him about it because he could protect himself. I just hoped he didn’t miss out on spending time with his daughter because of the demons that chased him.
I’d done a quick scan of social media in the wee hours of the morning and I hadn’t seen Ami’s grandparents releasing information about him. I was still mildly shocked that this man allowed me to name his daughter. I’d simply wanted to save him from embarrassment of affirming people’s potentially negative view of him and this situation. The nurse who’d been helping us might be good at her job, but one wrong word spoken to a friend would’ve set tongues wagging. It was another reason his team had ensured the nurses were taken care of. People protected those that they liked.
It was now just past dawn, and Baby Ami was crying softly as we waited for the bottle to warm up. I was thankful she had a healthy appetite and had the appropriate number of wet and dirty diapers. I kept rubbing her back to comfort her in the sling I wore to keep her close. I wasn’t sure where Aldrich was in the house and I didn’t want him to be discomforted by hearing her crying out. Even if he was in his feelings I knew he was still protective of her and her crying would probably have him stressed out.
“It’s alright, precious.”
I had mixed feelings for this little girl. I hated that I pitied her, but I did. The idea of her mother never coming back and never knowing her was something that broke my heart. The indifference of her father let me know something else was going on but I didn’t want to give in to my curiosity to see what the what was. I needed to do my job objectively and I didn’t want tohave these hard-ass feelings toward this baby’s father if I knew he was an extreme fuckboy. And the crazy thing was that wasn’t the vibe I got from Aldrich at all. In the few days I’d been here waiting on Ami to be released, he’d been fairly easygoing and seemed to have a lightness about his spirit. It was only when the subject of Ami, her mother or their situation was brought up that his entire mood changed. He seemed to shut down and burrow within himself. I wanted to help him out because it would only be a benefit to his little one and the bond they needed to build after I was gone.
She squirmed again and I couldn’t help but lean in and take in that new baby smell. I ignored how I was already attached to her and the way my stomach clenched when I thought about leaving her. When we first got home last night something happened and I swore this little girl burrowed her way into my heart with the first sleepy yawn she gave me.
“Come on, little baby let’s get you started on your happy song lessons right now.” I put music on in her room very low to see how she liked it. Instead of playing traditional lullabies I played a new artist I’d found who composed classical music with elements of African tribal elements interwoven. Her violin was magical and I needed Ami to have a good appreciation of music and self early in life.
Her aggravation simmered down as she noted a new stimulus to her environment and I got her bottle together while she tried to understand what was going on and what she was hearing. It switched to another song on the playlist and I had to smile watching her little face still as she listened to the music.
Neither of us knew what she’d been exposed to with her mother but since Black American culture seemed to be the largest export America had, I was sure she’d had some exposure to it in the womb.
“What you doing?”
I was startled as hell but I couldn’t jump the way I wanted to and scare the shit out of this little girl. I turned slowly and looked at her father who had interrupted our jam session. His room was around the corner and on the other side of the hall so he shouldn’t have been able to hear the music from where he was.
