Her face turned sympathetic realizing I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. “Damn. I understand completely. I lost our first baby before I knew he or she was even there and that loss was enough for me to stop caring about everything. The idea of losing a child I am attached to would gut me.”
“And that’s why I’m not sure what to do.”
“You give it time and, when the moment comes, bring it up. I’m sure that Aldrich is too busy to think about something like this, but that’s no excuse. You’re his partner and season or not, he’s got to do his job and reaffirm you. Make sure you hold him accountable and you don’t let him off the hook because he strokes you right.”
“Billy!” I couldn’t believe she’d just said that out in public but she didn’t look at all apologetic.
“Girl, I am not your mama. But are you guys coming to the twin’s birthday party?”
“Yes, Aldrich picked our costumes so if it’s a hot mess, blame him.”
She chuckled but I knew she knew it was a real possibility that we were going to show up as something ridiculous. “I’ll keep that in mind, but his wanting the task is a good sign. Go aheadand prepare yourself, Sterling. Changes are coming and I can tell they’re going to be good.”
ALDRICH
WE LOOKED LIKE a family.
Hell, most of the time we felt like one so I wasn’t trippin’ about this shit. I felt bad because I was doing a lot of the things I should be with Ling but I hadn’t said what I needed to. Fear was holding me back and that wasn’t something I thought I would ever say about myself. The entire world knew her name but neither of us had confirmed or denied anything about our relationship. We were just going with the flow but things were muddled. Muddled as fuck because she slept in my bed most nights I was home, had my name on her back and my chain on her neck but I was still paying her salary like she was the help. I didn’t want her to think that her labor with caring for Ami was something I expected of her, but I felt like I was insulting her every time that direct deposit hit. Their relationship was far more beyond caregiver and charge, Ling was basically Ami’s mother. I’d told her as much but now I was in my head thinking my words and my actions didn’t match up. Ami saw her that way, the world did, and I for damn sure did as well. My family always talked to her when they called and we were moving like more than we were.
But hadn’t put a name on it.
And I knew that shit was my fault. This was my family. I was supposed to set the tone for how things went. Ling’s security and her emotions might set the temperature and the atmosphere of our home, but it was all based on me and my actions. And I feltlike I was letting her down for real by not setting boundaries and giving titles.
A fucking conundrum.
My hesitation was because I didn’t want to push her. I had her love; she had mine and everything else didn’t need to be said. I was worried about the rejection she might throw my way because I wanted her so permanently. It could work out well or blow up in my face. I wasn’t sure which one would happen, honestly. If she told me to leave things like they were, I might shut down because Sterling Madison Sanders Williamson was it for me. And my heart would be broken if she didn’t feel the same way about me on that level. Love was one thing but commitment was another. And I wanted her not just for me, but for Ami as well.
“You ready to get out?”
I blinked and realized I was holding up the valet line in front of Billy and Jacoby’s house. It was time for the twin’s annual birthday party and since they were born on Halloween they always had a costume party. I was happy for Ami to keep getting out and meeting people especially the people that were our support system here in town.
I smiled at her liking the way she was deferring to me but knowing I needed to keep my head together tonight. She was blinking at me slowly doing that patience thing that women did when they truly wanted you to hurry the fuck up.
I grinned and nodded as I hopped out of the car and went to get Ami out of the back. While I checked on our baby I kept my eyes on Sterling because she looked good as fuck in her outfit. I tried to think of something symbolic but when your girl has the curves of a bombshell everything was going to end up looking sexy as fuck on her.
With Ami in my arms, I rearranged her costume and held her as she looked around the grounds. I couldn’t blame her, since this place was a literal Halloween wonderland.
The Graysons never did anything by half for their kids and I knew that Billy was going to be in Ling’s ear when it came time for Ami’s first birthday. And by the look of things, I was going to smile just like Jacoby was and pay whatever the invoices said as they arrived.
They were standing out front greeting everyone as they walked in the door. The family had taken another famous group of characters and ran with it. This year was the Thundercats who I only recognized because my older cousins who used to babysit me along with their kids showed me the reruns. Jacoby was the perfect Lion-O and Billy looked bad as hell as Cheetara. The twins were WilyKat and WilyKit and their older siblings were Pumyra and Tygra. They’d done an amazing job with the outfits and I knew next year I was going to happily let Ling sew ours up instead of buying them like I did this time.
We greeted the family and Billy and Ling switched kids, with Sterling holding their youngest son while Billy was playing with Ami. I went to say something to Coby and caught the way he was eyeing his wife. Like he was damn sure about to try for baby number five because he loved how good she looked holding a little one. When his oldest son Ascher pulled on his hand like he was used to seeing his daddy creep on his mama, he finally snapped out of it.
Jacoby blinked twice and then turned to look at me. He didn’t have a hint of remorse for how he was staring at his lady and I didn’t blame him. I was more than sure I’d looked at Ling the same way. Antwan walked out of the house just as Billy, Ling and the kids walked in. I knew that more of our teammates, especially the single ones, would make their way outside.
“This shit is amazing, fam. Got all of us set up to have to do something even bigger for the kids when it’s their birthdays.”
Jacoby lifted Ascher who at four years old was about the size of a six-year-old. He was taller than Destiny who was a year older than him.
“It’s gonna be Ami’s first, you gotta do something big. Rye’s ass thought she was gonna have some weak-ass cake and ice cream party for my baby and I had to hurry and get her mind right. Thought she was gonna shortchange my princess like we broke.”
Antwan looked annoyed at the idea that Rye wouldn’t want to drop a bag on their daughter when she turned one.
“She ain’t gone remember that shit, fam.” Jacoby was trying to talk sense into him but he must’ve forgotten who he was talking to. Antwan turned his head to him slowly, with his eyes narrowed like he’d been betrayed. I tried to keep my laughter in but Jacoby had no problem laughing in his face.
“You don’t thinkIwant the memories and shit,Murda? You think the twins gone remember you prancing your big ass around in a fucking leotard and tights with your nuts bulging out like you're wearing a codpiece?”
“Did your ass just say codpiece?” I was gasping for breath laughing at Antwan because he rarely had a serious moment.
