He sounded hopeful, something he hadn’t ever been and now I was sure something dire was going on. “Why?”
“Why what?” He had the nerve to sound offended that I had questions about why we needed to change the state of our relationship.
“Why would we need to change how things are? They’ve been like this for almost two decades so I don’t get the need to change it now.” I felt like he was going to ask me for a kidney or a lobeof my lung or to see if I was a bone marrow match. Whatever he needed it made my insides feel gross. Like I was living the adult version of stranger danger but with my parents.
Stick up for yourself once, and suddenly the carefully ordered avoidance of your life starts to unravel. Was I too old to be running away? Yes. But they were also too old to be bothering me so maybe this shit was hereditary.
“You’re my daughter—”
“You have another, as I remember. And a stepdaughter too.” I wasn’t even bothered by his second family because he at least left me alone. He left me alone with a madwoman but I always felt like it was one less person to manage. So where was this sudden change coming from?
“And you think somehow that means you don’t matter?”
I had to chuckle at the way he was trying to worm into my psyche but I had the multiple tens of thousands of dollars of psych bills to prove I had the ability to maneuver through this situation.
“Your actions would say that they don’t. I’m fine how we are right now. It’s the best relationship I have with a parent and there’s no need to rock the boat of how things are. I’ve got a lot going on in my life right now.” I turned down the heat on the food I’d cooked so that it could simmer. It wasn’t at all cold outside but being from up north, soup season started in September no matter what. And I had a taste for chowder so we were going to have it.
“Too busy for your old man?” He was laughing it off but I could hear the frustration at my not dropping everything to fawn over him. I’d always wondered how he had gotten wrapped up in my mother but now I wondered if they were just the same type of person.
“You’ve been too busy for me for over fifteen years. I didn’t complain about missed visitation, swallowed down thedisappointment when you couldn’t make recitals, meets, and games. Now that I’m a fully grown adult what is the issue with wanting to build a bridge without actually talking about anything? Like the last fifteen-plus years haven’t happened.” I worked my jaw and evened out my breathing because I wasn’t about to ruin years worth of dental work clenching my teeth in frustration.
“What is it that you want to talk about?” He was opening a door that I had ten locks on because it was no longer relevant to me.
“What is the reason you’re calling me?” That was the only information that I needed him to provide me because it was all I cared about.
“Why do you think—”
“Because, Dad. I’m not a child thinking that you are blindly reaching out to reconnect without wanting something. You seem to forget that although my mother is ruthless she’s also shrewd. That’s one of her traits I’m glad I got. I can spot bullshit a mile away. Now, we can either speak plainly or we can get off the phone. It’s up to you.” I folded my arms feeling the need to protect myself. I was still dressed in the sports bra and sweatpants that I’d worn to walk on the treadmill.
“I noticed that you’re running around with that guy, I’d like to meet him. Maybe come and see how you’re living to make sure he’s treating you right. Bring your siblings down—”
I had to smother my laughter because I wasn’t about to be disrespectful anymore than I already had. It would only make him think he needed to continue the conversation and I wasn’t in the mood. “So you want to mooch. The answer is no.”
“Ster—”
I stood up from the countertop I’d been leaning on because this had truly sent me over the edge.
“Nope. This conversation is over so I’m going to go. I have a little one to look after. The one you know about, since you’re apparently trying to keep tabs on me now. More than when I was a kid and actually needed it. And to think you want to have a conversation with Aldrich, face-to-face mind you, when you haven’t even seenmein two years. And the last time it was an accident because we were at the same restaurant. But now you’re eager to make a trip but also bring your entire family with you, is that what I’m hearing? And I’m sure I would be the person who would front this. Or even better you would expect Aldrich to do it because he’s got it too, right?”
“You act as though I didn’t give up a lot when—”
His voice had risen angrily and I wasn’t about to allow that. “You gave up more than money when you left your marriage for your side chick. You gave up the money that you would’ve potentially made in order to be free and you gave it to me. But once you saw that I wasn’t going to be actively letting you dip into it, you left me too. So no, Dad, I don’t think that bringing your wife, who hates me and your other children who don’t know me is really the best idea when you say you’re trying to fake being a good father and meet my boyfriend. Now, I’ve got dinner to finish and since this is how we are leaving things, I don’t expect to hear from you for the holidays but I hope you enjoy them all the same.”
I hung up before he could say anything else but didn’t take the extra step to block his number. I knew it was coming but part of me hoped he would just leave me the hell alone. I ran my fingers through my hair gripping the stands so that the bite of pain would provide me with the focus I needed not to let him get to me emotionally. It was a terrible habit I’d picked up when I was younger and I prayed I didn’t fall back into those same habits since so much about my life was currently unbalanced emotionally.
“It wouldn’t have been a problem to let him come to the game.”
I jumped realizing that Aldrich was home and he had clearly heard some part of the conversation. His curls were slicked back off his face but I could tell it was still damp after his shower. He was in exercise shorts and a t-shirt and was barefoot. Since his duffle bag wasn’t slung over his shoulder I assumed he’d left it by the door. “Shit, you scared me. For you to be so big you don’t make noise when you move.”
He only gave me a half smile as he tossed his keys and phone on the dish on the counter. I was happy to see he was making use of it and wasn’t annoyed that I’d taken it upon myself to put it there. He was so used to just tossing stuff around that he often forgot where he put things since he didn’t designate a spot for them. When I had to help him look for his keys for the second time in a week I got the dish.
“I get paid to have light feet and quick moves.” He bent down to brush his lips against mine and I almost thought we were going to avoid mentioning what he walked in on. That was until he pulled back and stared at me with his creamed-coffee brown eyes, staring intensely into mine. “We gone talk about that, right?”
“Is this a must-do type of situation?” I was being playful but I was also serious as hell. I hated talking about my dad or my mom. They weren’t sore spots but it was still hard not to feel some type of way when the people who created you didn’t really fuck with you.
“I’m saying I have a simple solution but you seem like you’re going to fight against it. So either you think I’d have a problem or he’s a problem. Either way, I feel like a conversation is needed.” His arms went around my waist, his hands gripping each ass cheek as he glanced over at Ami’s monitor to make sure she was still asleep.
“You want to eat now or wait until after?”
