“Stop saying that,” she whispered.
He reached for her balled fists and brought her hands to his face.
“Say, man,” Demi said, holding her in place with a strong hand to the small of her back.
“Say, man,” she repeated, shaking her head as her eyes betrayed her, exposing just how much this hurt.
She caressed his face. He didn’t even flinch. The man who resented human touch embraced hers. It was an honor. To be the recipient of his comfort was incredible, but he wasn’t hers. She couldn’t keep him. He had given her something she couldn’t claim. “Oh, babe,” she soothed. “Love doesn’t hurt. I don’t know what this is that we’ve built but it hurts me, Demi. This feeling I give you, hurts you. Like a burn. You said it burns. That’s not love. I stabbed you tonight. How much worse does it have to get before we let it go? You have to let me go.”
He nodded. He knew he had to. He didn’t want to, but he knew it was necessary to let birds fly. If he tried to hold onto her, she would die, and he just wanted to admire her heights.
“There’s a deal with the label. Day will be in touch. If you want me to let it go, you got to take the deal, Charlie. I can’t walk away without leaving you with something, and I can’t live a life without hearing you sing to me, baby,” he said. “Can you do that for me? To ease my mind, Bird. Leave me with a piece of you at least.”
“I can’t, Demi,” she said. “I can’t take a deal. My face can’t be out here like that,” she whispered. “Just let go. I don’t want anything from you except that.”
Her words scraped away at his manhood. He nodded, biting into his bottom lip, restraining his anger, his hurt.
He reached for his bloody shirt, slipping it over his head. He pushed by her and Charlie felt herself choking as she reached for his arm to pull him back. Why couldn’t love be simple? Free? The price of love was too expensive. They had done too much to one another. They had mixed in too much hurt to the pot and ruined their recipe.
“I’m never going to love a woman the way I love you,” he said. He caressed her face and Charlie closed her eyes, holding her breath. His goodbye was her defeat.
She watched him walk out of the room and her legs gave out. She sat on the edge of the bed, chin to her chest, as she finally let her anguish flow.
“I’m in love with you too,” she whispered. It took everything in her not to go after him. The way she loved him was terrifying. The way she forgave anything, sweeping all his missteps under the rug like they hadn’t happened at all. She would love him to her detriment. She would forgive him over and over. Charlie felt it in her soul that she would love him so much that she wouldn’t have any love left for herself. That scared her. That stopped her from telling him how she really felt. He would have to learn to let go because Charlie was certain that they were over. The overwhelming urge to work things out were thwarted with the idea that this pain was self-inflicted. It was her karma for sleeping with someone else’s man to begin with. Demi had never been hers, and even though he was willing to leave everything behind to change that, she would always feel like a second choice. Their relationship was stained with lies. No matter howmuch love was present, no matter how good they could have been, karma never would forget how they began.
Chapter 23
Demi entered his home. It had never felt this foreign. He was a guest between these walls. In a place he had built, a place where he paid bills, a place where the sound of his son’s laughter filled the air...he was uncomfortable.
“Oh my God, what happened to you?”
He didn’t even mean to mug her. His face just went tense, his entire body... rigid... resentful... but she wasn’t to blame. Lauren hadn’t changed. It was he who was switching up and her presence in place of Charlie’s was like alcohol on a wound.
“I’m fine,” he said.
“But you’re bleeding,” Lauren protested.
“We got to talk, Lo,” Demi said.
Lauren seemed to know what was next before he even said another word. She braced herself, reaching for the arm of the couch and then lowering to sit.
“I love you, but this ain’t gonna work.” There. He had made it plain. No dancing around it. He wanted out.
“You saw her, didn’t you?” Lauren asked. “I felt it when you left here earlier. That you were going to her.”
“I won’t ever not be here for you, Lo. I’ma stay here until you’re better and then I’ll sit down with DJ and explain this shit to him. Let him know it’s on me. Let him know that just because you and me aren’t together doesn’t mean his life will change. I’ma still be here,” he said. He wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince her or himself.
“Of course, his life will change. Everything will change, Demi. You’re ruining our lives for a fling!”
“It’s not about her. It ain’t about nobody but us,” Demi said. If he was honest, he had been walking around half living, half loving way before meeting Charlie. He just didn’t realize it until she had put her hands on him. Now, he needed that feeling. Charlie’s hands were like jumper cables to his heart.
“I’d beg if I thought it would change something, but I know you. You decided this a long time ago,” Lauren said. “Don’t do me any favors. You can get your shit and get out tonight.”
“If that’s what you want,” he said.
“Why can’t you just try, Demi?” she shouted in frustration.
“I been trying, Lo.” His calm was her stimulant. It was the “been” for her.
