She nodded, like she understood more than she let on. “I think Nick gets that. The way he watches you, I don’t think he’s overwhelmed by any of it. If anything, it’s like it steadies him.”
That made something twist low in my stomach. “He’s really different from what I expected,” I admitted. “He’s dark, but not in a scary way. Just… like he holds a lot. But he’s also the only person who’s ever made me feel like my chaos wasn’t too much.”
“That’s how I felt with Sean,” Lilly said, softly. “He saw all the pieces. The broken ones, the scared ones. Never tried to fix me other than physically. He just made room for them.”
“Exactly,” I said, almost whispering.
We paused at a railing that overlooked part of the parking lot, dimly lit and mostly empty. The hum of the city felt distant, like background static.
“You know,” she said, leaning her arms on the rail, “when I first came into their lives, I was technically unconscious.”
I turned to her, wide-eyed. “Right. Nick told me. The car accident.”
She smiled faintly. “Yeah. Not the ideal way to meet your future boyfriend. I came in through the ICU and never really left.”
“Do you… ever feel like you don’t belong? Like they have this whole rhythm, and you’re just kind of trying to keep up?”
Lilly was quiet for a second. “Sometimes. I think we all do, in our own ways. Even Nick.”
That surprised me. “Nick?”
“He’s close with all of them, sure. But he also keeps himself a little removed. Like there’s still some part of him that doesn’t believe he’s allowed to be happy. Or… clean.”
I nodded slowly, heart thudding. “He told me he almost drank a few days ago.”
“Did he tell you I was there?”
“He did.”
She looked at me then, a little sharper, like she was searching for something in my expression. “Nick has never once talked about a girl before. But he mentioned you that day. You were the true reason he walked away
I swallowed hard. “We had one really good night together. You know in movies where you meet a stranger and stay up all night, talking and walking… that’s what happened. But we weren’t supposed to see each other again. Until I went to get a tattoo, and he happened to be the one doing it.”
“He’s different around you.”
I bit into the inside of my cheek. “He scares me sometimes.”
“Why?” She tilted her head.
“Because I think I could fall for him really fast. And that’s terrifying. My brain doesn’t do gentle. It does obsession and panic and overanalyzing. I either care too much or not at all, and with Nick, it’s like… I already care too much.”
Lilly’s voice softened again. “That’s not a bad thing, Mya. You just need someone who doesn’t run from it.”
I looked down at my shoes, a little overwhelmed. “What if I mess it up?”
“You will,” she said gently. “So will he. But if it’s real, it won’t matter. You’ll fight, you’ll fumble, but you’ll stay.”
The floodlights flickered overhead, and I realized my hands were shaking just slightly. Tiny tremors from too much stimulation and too many emotions compacted into one night. Lilly noticed. Without a word, she gently reached out and held my hand.
“You’re doing great,” she said quietly.
That was the thing I hadn’t realized I needed to hear until she said it.
Not “you’re perfect” or “you’re amazing.” Just,you’re doing great. Like I was allowed to be messy. Loud. Fidgety. Overwhelmed. And still be doing okay.
“Thanks for coming out here with me,” I said finally.
She smiled, squeezing my hand. “You’re part of the family now. We don’t let the new girls flounder alone. And I know that because Ava and Emma made me feel so welcomed. It was my turn, and when Ben finds someone… Well, you can have fun with that.”
