I never thought I’d be able to tell Mya how close I came to slipping. Or that, in the end, she was the reason I didn’t. But with her legs draped across my lap like she belonged there, I was glad that Lilly had been the one to pull me back, to remind me why I quit. And more importantly, Mya was real. She scratched gently behind Bear’s ears, and he rested his head on her thigh like they’d known each other forever.
“You’re quiet,” she said softly.
I shrugged. “Just thinking.”
“About what?”
I paused, feeling a flicker of worry she might feel hurt or jealous. “About the club,” I said softly.
She looked up, curious. “Yeah?”
“I’ve been going there for a while,” I admitted, voice low. “Maybe longer than I should have. At first, it was just a way to feel something real. Then it became a way to shut everything out.”
She nodded gently. “And that helped?”
“It gave me a sense of control,” I said. “Something I never had before. I was always reacting, always chasing highs or burying lows. But there… I was in charge. I could be the storm instead of getting swept away by it.”
“And the… hard dom part?” She bit her lip and asked quietly.
“It’s not about hurting anyone. It’s about letting out the part of me that used to hurtme.In a place with rules. With consent. Where the sharp edges aren’t shameful. I never knew any of their names, never saw their faces. They didn’t mean anything to me, but I have to be honest about my past.”
She looked down at Bear. “So why me?”
“What do you mean?”
“You could’ve had anyone. Why give me that side of you?”
I leaned forward, brushing my fingers down her arm. “Because you didn’t ask for the easy version of me. You never wanted the filtered stuff. You look at me like you see it all. The wreckage and the ruin… and you still come closer.”
She swallowed, hard. “That night… after the club… it wasn’t just sex, was it?”
“No,” I said quietly. “It was the first time it felt likemine.Not a substitute for the bottle. Not a way to forget. But something real.”
“They said only people with a key can use the private rooms.” She noted.
“Yes, I have one. I can… give it back? I’m not sure what the hell any of this means, or what we are. But I could understand you not wanting me to have access to that.”
She looked at me like she was thinking of saying yes, but then she jumped up, a small smile on her lips.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“You want to see what it’s like with someone you know?”
I didn’t have to ask if she was sure. Mya never said anything she didn’t mean. She was so unfiltered, so sure about everything,because everything that came out of her mouth was a thought she had already overthought about.
We got on the bike, her arms wrapped around me. She was much more comfortable this time, her body perfectly molding with mine. By the time we parked outside the club, the moon was high and the world was quiet. Mya didn’t say a word when I opened the door for her.
But she did look up at me and whisper, “Let’s see what it feels like when it’sours.”
I instantly felt calm. I wasn’t here looking for someone to ruin. I was here showing Mya just how in control I want to be. Mya walked a step ahead of me, but her hand never left mine. No friends begging her to be here, to throw herself outside her comfort zone. She chose to be here withme.And the way she was walking so carefree for once showed that.
We stopped at the bar. She leaned in and whispered something to the bartender I couldn’t hear. Probably water or one of the club’s non-alcoholic cocktails. She didn’t drink much, and that wasn’t lost on me. It never was.
When she turned back to me, I saw it. Curiosity, heat, trust. A burning need inside her.
“Want to sit?” I asked.
“Yes,” she nodded.
