“I was scared,” I admitted. “I know that sounds stupid, but… today was a lot. You passed out, and I just… I panicked.”
Emma reached over, touching my hand gently. “Connor…”
I finally looked at her, and it hit me. How much she looked likenow. Like here. Like someone alive, breathing, caring. And suddenly I couldn’t keep it in anymore. “I read Clair’s letter,” I told her, swallowing hard. “I was so afraid this whole time. Afraid of what it would say. Afraid it would tell me I wasn’t enough. That I missed something. That I broke her.”
I glanced down at my lap, then back up into her eyes that still make me breathless each time. “After you went to sleep, I called my brother, Tyler. I told him everything. And I read it.” She didn’t say anything, just squeezed my hand tighter.
Telling me it was okay, she was here. “I’ve been running from life ever since,” I sighed. “From feeling anything too deep. From getting too close. Fromyou, even. And I’m tired of running. You being here… you challenging me. It scares the hell out of me. But not in a bad way. In the kind of way that reminds me I’m alive. And I want to stay alive. With you.”
Her eyes glazed over, and she leaned forward, pressing her forehead to mine. “You can check my Dexcom whenever you want. You can wake me up. You can hold me, or freak out, or cry. I’m not going anywhere. Even though you’re a pain in the ass.”
“I just want you to stay,” I sighed. “Even when I get it wrong. Even when I’m scared.”
“I want to give us a chance,” she smiled. “Just promise you won’t run anymore.”
“I promise.” I kissed her then, slow and gentle, like I was trying to stitch something back together, something old and broken that might - just might - still have life in it.
Nine
Emma
Waking up in Connor’s arms was something I never thought I would do. I knew the night I met him that this was the end goal I wanted. But not in this way. I had it all planned out. I was going to walk up to him and ask why he was alone in a bar. Lay on the flirty smile and whatever else I could say to get him to take me home. Sex was all I wanted at that time. I knew I was a lot, between my father issues and my diabetes. My mom not knowing how to love us and only resorting to the bottle and drugs. I guess I really never found myself worthy of love, but that wasn’t true.
Just like Connor blaming himself for Clair. It wasn’t true. So here we were, both of us giving each other a chance. Both of us decided that running wasn’t the answer anymore. The night I met him, I didn’t think I’d see him again. That was it. He punched Blake, and I’d never see him again. Wondering what one night with someone like him could be like. I never would have guessed he was in the lifestyle, too. He didn’t judge me. Hedidn’t make me feel like I was crazy for wanting what I wanted. He matched me, and I swear I never came harder in my life.
Fate had some other things in mind, though. Maybe thiswasthe time to jump. They always say it’s worth it to take the leap, and I never had. Never once, because nothing was worth that. Connor might be, though.
“What are you thinking about right now?” Connor rasped in a sexy-as-fuck sleepy voice.
“The night you punched Blake.” I admitted, looking into his eyes and feeling calm for the first time ever.
“Blake?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Oh, shit, yeah,” I sighed. “Um, I knew him.”
“You did?”
“We were… sleeping together. I told him I didn’t want to anymore because he couldn’t give me what I wanted. He showed up that night, and that’s why he said all those things.”
“Hmm.”
“I’m glad you punched him.” I laughed.
Connor didn’t say anything at first, just studied me with those sharp, stormy eyes. His fingers brushed lightly up and down my arm and left goosebumps.
“I hated the way he talked to you,” he finally muttered. “Like you were just something to use. I saw red, and then… there was your face. The way you looked at him, like you weren’t okay.”
“No,” I mumbled. “I wasn’t. But then this hot stranger punched him in the face and vanished like a damn ghost. Kind of heroic, actually.”
“Heroic?” He huffed a laugh and tugged me a little closer. “I think that’s the first time I’ve ever been called that.”
“Well,” I smiled, pressing a kiss to the edge of his jaw. “You earned it.”
He turned his head slightly, our eyes meeting again, slower this time. There was something intense in his gaze, somethingdeeper than just post-sex haze or sleepy morning affection. It was that vulnerability again. Something I wasn’t sure I’d ever get out of Connor.
“I don’t want to be that guy anymore,” he said quietly. “The one who ghosts. The one who runs. I’ve done too much of that. With Clair… I ran from that letter for years. I told myself I couldn’t handle it, that knowing the truth would destroy me.”
“Did it?” I asked, my fingers brushing his chest.
