He looked at me to confirm that was true, and I nodded. He didn’t need to know that I was actually going to stay with Connor. Giving me a quick hug and telling me he was glad I was alive, he left. Connor grabbed my hand again and led me out to his car. I knew at some point I would have to get mine from the restaurant, but I wasn’t worried about it right now. Honestly, I was tired and wanted to curl up somewhere.
I gave Connor my address, and we quietly drove downtown, him focusing on the road and me looking out the window. I’m not sure if this was one of those times where he just didn’t want to talk or if it was something bigger and louder going on in his head. Possibly both. He was a thinker, always lost in his head.When we pulled up in front of my little place, he jumped out and opened my door for me.
I walked up to my little condo, letting us both in, and turning on a light. He quietly looked around, almost like he was judging me about where I lived. Sure, he builds houses for a living, so to him this was a shithole.
“I’m sorry, it’s nothing fancy.” I broke the silence.
“It’s homey. It’s you. Don’t worry, I like it.”
“It’s… what I can afford.”
“Stop thinking I’m judging you. I’m not. Pack a bag, and we can go.”
“Right.” I nodded, walking to my room.
I grabbed my small bag and put some comfy clothes in, hair stuff, and my toothpaste and toothbrush. I didn’t need much, and hopefully I’d be back home by tomorrow. I was really only doing this to please Connor and Jake. Before walking out of the room, I also grabbed my glucose monitor in case my Dexcom stopped working for whatever reason. Stepping into the living room, Connor was in the kitchen looking at all the pictures on my fridge. They were mainly of Jake and me together, but a couple of them were my friends. He was smiling to himself, almost like he wanted to be a part of my life and see me living it. Bracing my arm on the wall, I leaned on it and watched him a little longer.
It didn’t take long for him to notice I was staring before he turned around and gave me a smirk that made me clench my thighs slightly. Jesus, what was wrong with me? Shaking my body out, I smiled back and walked up to him. He took the bag out of my hand, which was no surprise to me, and he led me to the door. Once we were both in the car, I looked at him and asked, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.”
That wasn’t really reassuring. He was holding the steering wheel a little tighter than I would prefer, his knuckles going white and a deep scowl on his face.
“You don’t look okay.” I pointed out.
“That drunk driver kind of got to me, but it’s alright. Don’t worry.”
“Why?” I pushed.
He let out a heavy sigh, sagging just a little. “Our younger brother is an alcoholic. He’s clean now, but it was a real struggle for us as a family. That could have been him. It should have been him. He didn’t care about anyone but himself. We still don’t know how he didn’t kill anyone.”
Blinking, I looked out the window. I knew what he meant. Having a mom that drank and did drugs for sport had me feeling like that most of the time too. I never knew if she was still alive or where the hell she even was. The only difference is that my mom never stopped and won’t until it finally kills her.
“It’s hard to watch someone you love go through that.” I reached for his thigh, giving it a squeeze, hoping it would somehow make him feel like he wasn’t so alone.
“You know, I went through this with my mom. Jake pretty much raised me.”
“Shit, I’m sorry.”
“Hey, no, it’s fine. My mom made her choices, and I’m okay. I’m glad your brother got clean.”
“Us too.”
The rest of the drive was quiet. Neither of us knowing what to say. When I agreed to go on a date with him, I never would have thought this is how the night would have gone. I can’t say I’m upset about it, though. Passing out might have been the best thing I could have done.
Six
Connor
“When you offer someone to stay at your house, when exactly do you mention you only have one bed?” I said as we pulled into my driveway.
I possibly should have told her before this, but I assumed I’d take the couch and it would be fine. However, I’m starting to think she might think I planned this. This whole day has been opening old trauma for me, and seeing Emma pass out like that nearly took me out. I didn’t realize this was more than just a pretty girl or maybe a stable friend with benefits until then. Fuck, you’d swear the whole world stopped turning. I knew I had a little more of a soft spot for her and was clearly protective over her, but I didn’t think it was anything more than hormones for someone I had been watching and not allowed to touch. Okay, again, I sound like a stalker, but Emma was… more. The tension I felt with her wasn’t about getting her naked. It was about getting her raw and knowingher.
“Connor!” She was trying to act mad, but I could see the small smile on her lips. “I am not taking your bed after everything you did for me today.”
“Just today?” I joked.
“Okay, in general. Seriously, I’ll be okay at home.”
