“Her right one? Maybe we could get together, swap out, and each end up with a matching pair.”
“I’ll give you her number,” Leno quipped. Then, “So, you got in the young man’s car, and he drove you out to grannie’s farm…”
Bella gestured wildly. “There was no grannie! No farmhouse either! Still, I hoped the young man would unhook his—”
Leno covered the desk microphone again.
“—barn door and let me pet his—”
“Parakeet?” Leno offered.
“Heavens no! This was a first date, after all!”
Leno tried again. “Is it fair to say that things went south?”
“In my experience, where men are concerned, things always go south sooner or later.”
The audience erupted into cheers and clapping.
“We’re talking seriously south,” Leno said. “The young man was arrested for attempted rape, right? Rape is not a joking matter.”
“No one’s joking about rape,” Bella said firmly. “That young man, whose name I won’t mention, has done some awful things. He needs to pay for his misdeeds, no doubt about it. But he’s the least of the problem.”
“The least?” Leno asked.
“That boy is 22, obviously immature, can’t hold his liquor, so deeply closeted I’m not sure he knows what year it is. What about the 46-year-old cop who ignored the 9-1-1 caller who had reported a rape? That cop showed up on the scene, took one look at me, and started swinging! Then he handcuffed me and later kneed me in the—”
“Lady parts?” Lenno offered.
“I would have said ‘balls.’ I mean, c’mon, who are we kidding?”
Bella continued. “Don’t forget that college, Jay. That place is a HATE factory! They told that young man that God loathes him. They rewarded that boy for ratting out other gays. How sick is that?”
Lenno looked pensive. “I see your point. Unfortunately, that young man is the only one facing trial.”
Bella sighed. “I haven’t decided whether to testify against the boy or not. It’s a tough decision.”
“At least some good came out of the whole affair,” Leno said. “No more working gay bars for you! You’re currently doing a nightly show off-Broadway. The Pembroke Theatre! Sold out every night! I hear you even sing and dance!”
Applause.
“And after that, you’re going on a 16-city tour...”
Bella smiled. “Enough about me! You’re making me blush. Now, didn’t I see Richard Gere backstage? Get him out here! I wouldn’t mind seeing his—”
“Parakeet?” Leno said. “So would most of my audience!”
Chapter 43: Lesbians at the Gates
Saturday, April 20, 1996
William was inconsolable. He paced in a tight circle, like a caged tiger. “This is worse than I imagined!”
Matt sighed. “You’re being melodramatic even by your own standards. It’s a charcoal grill, for Pete’s sake.”
They were in the clubhouse’s master bedroom. Sounds of partying wafted up from downstairs: the percussive beat of music, punctuated by conversation and laughter. Meanwhile, a pillar of smoke billowed from the patio below, past the balcony doors.
“Isn’t sackcloth and ashes the prescribed Biblical attire for mourning, dahling?”
