“I had things to attend to,” he said, avoiding the question. “But I am here now. Do you have need of me?”
Sean may have been ill, but his mental faculties were intact. He was well aware that his brother was being evasive.
“Tell me where you have been, Kevin,” he said, more lucid this time. “I’ve not seen you since the day after I was brought here. What is amiss with you, little brother?”
Kevin knew he couldn’t avoid giving him an answer much longer. Besides… he would know soon enough. He scratched his ear, a pensive gesture as he figured out how to couch what he was about to tell his brother.
But there was no easy way.
“I have asked The Marshal to release me from my service as an Executioner Knight,” he finally said. “Then I went to Trelystan Castle. I have only just returned.”
Sean’s gaze lingered on him for a moment. “I see,” he said. “And did The Marshal release you?”
Kevin shook his head. “He told me not to be hasty and to think on it,” he said. “He told me to go to Trelystan and then we would speak more on the subject when I returned.”
Sean shifted slightly in his bed, his gaze never leaving his brother. “Why did you resign?”
Kevin’s jaw ticked. “Because I wanted to.”
“Tell me all of it, Kevin. Please.”
Kevin drew in a sharp breath, trying to keep control of his emotions. “Because I no longer want to be part of the Executioner Knights, Sean. Must you know more than that?”
“I must. Will you make me beg you to tell me everything? What has happened that you would leave us?”
Kevin averted his gaze, looking to his feet. Those big, dirty boots that had seen so much action, so much strife and difficulties.
“Many things,” he muttered after a moment. “But the most important thing is that I do not have the mentality it takes to continue, I suppose.”
“What do you mean?”
Kevin lifted his big shoulders, growing restless and irritated as his brother pressed him. “I mean everything and I mean nothing,” he snapped softly. “All of the Executioner Knights are the greatest knights I have ever known, and my respect for them is endless, but all of you can carry out a distasteful order so easily and I cannot, not with great ease. While I am stewing over the situation and trying to rationalize the immorality of it, the rest of you do not. You can lie to your fellow man if it is in the course of your mission, or you can slay a priest if you are told to do so, and there are no questions in your mind about it. There is more to this, of course, but I… I have been thinking a good deal about the mentality of an Executioner Knight and I do not think I can continue on.”
Sean’s gaze drifted over him thoughtfully. “Because we do not question what needs to be done?”
“Because you do itwithoutquestion. Or conscience.”
Sean had always known of Kevin’s struggles where it pertained to some of the darker deeds the Executioner Knights had carried out, but his sense of duty and support for his fellow knights had always been stronger than his hesitation.
But now… now, it had come to a breaking point.
Sean was saddened.
“You have been part of us for several years,” he said after a moment. “You have been an important part.”
Kevin shook his head. “Noone is important,” he said. “Don’t you realize that you have been treated like an expendable commodity, Sean? The very fact that you are in this bed proves it. The Marshal is the puppet master and we are the puppets, and watching you nearly bleed to death at the Tower made me realize just how expendable we are in the grand scheme of things. No one is important, Sean.”
“And you no longer wish to be a puppet, as you called it?” Sean asked quietly. “Kevin, we are all puppets. Even The Marshal is a puppet.”
“That isnottrue.”
“It is. There is no man in England who is not controlled by someone else.”
Frustrated, Kevin stood up, kicking the stool out of the way. He was becoming agitated. “Look what happened to you,” he said, pointing to his brother. “Look at you; the strongest man I know has nearly been laid to waste– and for what? A king who is still alive and still as wicked as ever. He’s still hated, and he is still dividing this country. Was your sacrifice worth it?”
Sean’s steady gaze never left him. “I think so.”
“How can you say that? You nearly died.”
