Kevin nodded in resignation. “I know,” he said. “But I am still not going to release Juliandra.”
“How does she feel about ap Gruffudd? Does she wish to go to him?”
Kevin shook his head. “She cannot stomach the man.”
Sean glanced at Alexander. In their opinion, Kevin was in trouble, but not the way Kevin felt he was. The trouble was really with the local warlords if they decided to mobilize against him, which was a distinct possibility now that a woman was involved.
It seemed that Lady Juliandra was the key to a great many things with Kevin.
“It makes for a complex situation, to be sure,” Sean finally said, trying not to sound too judgmental. “I think it is something we should explore further. But at the moment, you seem more concerned with the lie you’ve told the lady, so let us address that first. Kevin, it seems to me that you only have a couple of choices– either tell her the truth now and deal with the resulting response, or do not tell her at all and simply let it go on until such time as you can no longer withhold the truth. Whereisher father, by the way?”
“In the vault below the keep,” Kevin said. “It is quite cold down there, so we have stored his body.”
“And you are just going to leave him there?”
“I am not going to bury him. That is Juliandra’s privilege.”
That wasn’t something Sean particularly agreed with, but he remained silent. There were great complexities going on, enough to burden even the strongest of men. Being that this was Kevin’s first real command, the stress must have been tremendous and Sean didn’t want to pile on to that. He wanted to help his brother figure it out. As he mulled over the situation, Alexander spoke.
“Kevin,” he said quietly. “Forgive me for speaking out of turn, but I feel I must say what is on my mind. A command is not for everyone, you know. There is no shame in that. I recall thatyou were reluctant to take command of the Trilaterals and now you have a Welsh property that is volatile. It is very possible that Wybren cannot be governed by an English commander at all. It has been in Welsh hands for a very long time and it would probably be a great relief to turn it back over to the Welsh. If the burden of command is too great for you, Sean can send knights to command the garrisons of the Trilaterals and you can return to London and to The Marshal and forget about this mess. I realize there is a lady involved, but returning to London would put you back into a position you are familiar and confident with. Mayhap you would be happier.”
Kevin was shaking his head before Alexander even finished. “I am never going back to serve William Marshal as a spy,” he said. “I will always support him, but at a distance. That part of my life is finished.”
Alexander apparently knew nothing about that because he looked rather puzzled as Sean cast him a quelling glance. Sean, in fact, knew what Kevin was speaking of. He’d heard it before, when he was healing from his near-mortal wounds. It was a subject he wasn’t sure he wanted to readdress, not now.
“You have always been an integral part of The Marshal’s stable, Kevin,” Sean said softly. “You did not need to resign your position with him. He told you to think about it.”
“I know,” Kevin said, tensing. “He told me to think about it and I did. I told you this before, Sean– I cannot serve a man who would so willingly allow his greatest knights to be put in such grave danger as you were. For nine bloody years, you risked your life and, in the end, it very nearly cost you that. You were betrayed by those you trusted.”
“It was my duty, Kevin.”
“Your duty nearly killed you!”
They were getting into the same old argument, something they’d argued over since Sean had accepted the mission asthe king’s bodyguard. Sean and Kevin went for years without speaking to one another because Kevin didn’t agree with what Sean had done, and it was only over the past few years that they had reconciled.
Sean didn’t want to get into the same old conflict.
“Kevin, it is over and done with,” he said, more firmly. “Berating me is not going to wipe away the past, so let us not go into it again. I know you feel as if I was betrayed, but I assure you, it was not intentional. You did not have to resign because you were disillusioned.”
“I wasnotdisillusioned.”
“You have been hiding up here on the Marches since that battle at the Tower of London.”
That was a true statement, whether or not Kevin wanted to admit it. His gaze lingered on his brother before looking to Alexander, who had much the same opinion that Sean had– Kevinhadbeen hiding since that battle.
That only made Kevin feel worse.
“You two think alike,” he muttered. “You are both older than I am, and you have seen more life and death situations than I have. You have lived through them, right or wrong. I am not like either of you. I never fit into the Executioner Knights and I know that. All I wanted to do was serve my country, but I was never truly a part of The Marshal’s agents. I was… different.”
“You were balance,” Sean said softly, with sympathy. “Every group needs balance, Kevin. You were our balance, ensuring we never got too consumed with the darkness that was so readily around us. We need you.”
Kevin sighed heavily and lowered his head again. “I was the fool,” he said. “I was judging men when it was not my place to do so. I was trying to fight a clean and virtuous war while the rest of you were fighting in the filth. We had two different ideas on how service should be accomplished. But I still do not want to goback to The Marshal. I want to remain here. I want to establish my command at Wybren and I want to be a wise and benevolent lord.”
Sean’s gaze lingered on his brother, but there was warmth in his expression. Kevin had always been stubborn and determined, the little brother who was so loyal and true.
He still believed there was good left in the world.
“You will be,” he said. “You already are. And even if you no longer wish to serve The Marshal, you are still an Executioner Knight. Once an Executioner Knight, always an Executioner Knight. We will still kill and die for you, Kevin. And I know you would do the same for any one of us.Semper frater, as we say. Always a brother.”
