Chapter Thirty-Four
IHADN’T BEEN BACK to my flat in days, except on brief hops to grab clothes, or whatever. I wasn’t living with Caroline, but it was starting to feel like it, and that was fine with me.
We sat down in her living room that evening, and she linked her laptop up to her large flatscreen TV, to talk me through what she’d put together from our notes. It was like watching my vision coming to life right in front of me. She had the layout of the interlinked buildings just right, creating one large wraparound building that had a courtyard in the centre, and an extra point of security at the front. The secondary entry point, with extra gates, would keep the cops and other unsavoury types far enough away that they’d never see anyone, or witness anything we didn’t want them to.
The lounge was no longer a tiny little spot, but a large space with an actual bar and kitchen, and room for sofas and various seating areas, while leaving room for pool tables, and for general partying. It was set away from the bedrooms, so it wouldn’t interrupt those sleeping. There were workshops set aside at thecorner points of the block, and masses of covered parking for our rides. It was everything I could have wanted, and more.
“Baby, this is perfect. How the fuck did you create all this from a walkabout, and a little chitchat?”
Caroline smiled at me, and I swear I could see her fucking pride in that smile. She knew she’d knocked it out of the park, and I loved seeing her this confident in her skills, because she had no reason to keep talking herself down.
I took her hand and angled to face her on the sofa, watching her do the same, although she looked confused as hell.
“Don’t worry, I’m not proposing,” I said with a grin, waiting for her light giggle before I continued, “yet.” She gasped, and I lifted her fingers to my lips, kissing them gently.
“Do you think you could do something for me, Caroline? I know it’s a big ask, but it comes from a good place, I promise.” Those damn nerves were back, but I was pressing my luck and I knew it.
“Um… I can try?” I couldn’t ask for more without her knowing what I was about to ask, so I continued.
“Can you pleasetryto remember this moment when you doubt yourself? Can you pleasetryto remember that you are perfect as you are, and nothing about you is weird or awkward? You talk yourself down a lot, and I get it, I’m sure you’ve had assholes in your past, making you feel less-than, when the truth is they’re the ones lacking. You’re beautiful, and sweet, but you’re so much more. You’re strong, even though you don’t realise it. You’re talented as fuck, even though you’d never admit it. You’re everything I could possibly want in a partner, a girlfriend, wife, and old lady, and I want to help you discover that for yourself. I want to empower you to see the value in you, regardless of those moments where you feel out of control, or overwhelmed. Nothing about you is imperfect, and everything about you is amazing.”
I reached up to brush tears from the corners of her eyes, and held her face gently.
“Whoa, I never meant to ramble on so long. Just please, remember showing me this design, that you mocked up after the briefest of chats, and it’s fucking perfect. There’s not a thing you got wrong. Not a fucking thing.” I kissed her gently, stroking her cheeks as her breath hitched with tears she didn’t need to spill. Tears that told me so much about how she’d seen herself, her whole fucking life. Other people’s opinions are just that, their fucking opinions. They don’t matter to anyone else, but some people work so hard to push them on those around them. Even those they should love and protect.
“I love you, baby. And I’m so fucking proud of you.”
Her breath hitched with another repressed sob, and I watched her lips trembling as she fought to compose herself.
“It’s okay, baby. I see you. Now, you want me to make a cuppa?”
Caroline cleared her throat, swiping at her eyes as she shook her head.
“In a minute. I uh… thank you for all of that. My brain needs time to process everything you said, but I love you. I love you for seeing me the way you do, and for giving me space to… um… space to compose myself. I… I had a second version of the design. An idea of my own. Can I show you?”
I lifted my eyebrows. “Did my baby go rogue? Fuck yeah, show me.” I tucked us together again on the sofa, and she flicked up an alternate design that had a few subtle changes, or wait, not so subtle after all.
She held up a hand. “Let me explain. First of all, by repositioning the fire pit here, you’d have more room for manoeuvring motorbikes around, or for visitors or whatever, and this here…” she pointed to a small ‘guardhouse’ type building by the inner gates, “this would give your prospectscover and protection from the elements, and they could even rest in shifts, if you put a bed and some small home comforts in there. This covered porch would protect the ones on guard.”
She was right. I’d somehow completely overlooked the comfort of the prospects, and when I’d visited the other Phoenix MC site, I’d noticed that they had a small guardhouse for the prospects to hang out in when on duty. Perfect.
I pressed a kiss against her temple. “Smart thinking, baby. I love both ideas…” I trailed off as I noticed there was a difference with the lounge too, “Uh, what’s this space here?”
There appeared to be a closed off room adjacent to the bar, big enough for a few seating areas, but it wasn’t something I’d requested.
Caroline’s cheeks darkened a little when I glanced at her.
“Um… well, the clubhouse is a very um… man kinda space, you know it’s for men to hang out, but, well, there are women too, or there will be at times, and this could be… it could be an old lady space. Somewhere Cammy and Sophie could safely keep the babies, while some or all of the women hang out there. It could be for anything really, but, you know, they’re a lovely group of ladies, and I think they’d love their own space.”
Jesus fuck. She’d nailed it, except for one point.
“You keep saying ‘they’, but the word you’re looking for is ‘us’. You’re one too, or at least I really want you to be.”
Caroline
IWANTED HIM TO say it, I wanted to hear those words, but I was also afraid of them, because it meant making the club and those noisy, rowdy men a part of my life. Part of my future. Could I manage that? Wasn’t the very thought making my palms sweat as I clenched them in my lap.
“Caroline, baby, you’ve literally just suggested a safe place at the clubhouse. A women only space. Somewhere you could be away from the noises and craziness of my brothers, while still being around. You know, you saw them en masse at the worst possible time. A party. They were high on the feelgood emotions of doing a good deed. They’re not always like that. They’re hardworking men, they’re dedicated to what we’re about, and some of them are even quiet and unassuming.”
