“Old before me, I like it,” V murmured, so I accidentally on purpose nudged her with my elbow.
“Explain why that’s bad, love,” mum suggested, and I sighed.
“Tattoos, mum. Part of the old lady process is a tattoo. He gets one, and I get one. A tattoo!”
V giggled, dragging the shoulder of her sweater down, to show off a dainty Chinese symbol on her shoulder.
“They’re not so bad, babe. They scratch a bit, but they’re not that bad.”
“I gather it’s more elaborate than that one.”
“Is it a dealbreaker, love? If you can’t have the tattoo, does that mean you can’t be together? Is it really that arbitrary?”
I shook my head, and I know that confused them as much as it had me.
“He was so sweet. He was saying things like the tattoo didn’t matter, and I’d be his old lady no matter what, but… I could see it hurt him. I could see that he really wanted to see his name on me like-”
“His name?!?! Like claiming ownership of you? What a fucking barbarian! Is this what bikers are like?”
Mum shushed V again, but she was still muttering to herself about men being assholes, and wanting to claim holes, and all sorts. I tuned her out, because I had to resolve this.
“If he says it’s okay, love, I’m sure he means it.”
“But I want to be able to give this to him! He gives me so much! He does so much to keep me safe, and happy, and loved. Why can’t I give him this one thing?! Am I really so pathetic that I can’t manage a damn tattoo?”
V sighed, sounding sad rather than angry at this point, and that brought our attention to her.
“This is the thing with us women when we’re in love. We want what we want, but we want what they want more sometimes, and that makes us do stupid things. It makes us give up more than we want to. It makes us trust when we shouldn’t, and it makes us doubt ourselves, when we realise we’re being played. Those love hormones are deadly, because once you’re under their power, you’re pretty much screwed. I guess the only real question here is this… you want to give him this huge thing that’d be such a struggle for you… but would he do the same if things were reversed? Would he put himself in a situation that felt unsafe to him, or unpleasant, just to make you happy?”
Huh. Was it really that simple?
Epilogue
IWAS STILL HANGING with Henley, and Rocket and a few others, sinking a few beers in the lounge, when a text buzzed on my phone, and my heart thudded in my chest when I saw it said ‘Caroline’. Jesus fuck. She was about to Dear John me, I could just fucking feel it. I was almost too afraid to open that message, because once I read it, she’d know I’d seen it. She’d know I couldn’t pretend otherwise. It’d be over. Just like that. I didn’t want it to be over. I wanted to keep her. I wanted to spend every fucking minute with her, and wake up with her. I wanted to be the one buffering her, and protecting her when she felt overwhelmed. I wanted to be the one who helped her find that strength and power in herself, so maybe fewer things made life difficult for her.
“Fuck me,” I murmured, staring at my dark, silent phone, because I couldn’t bring myself to push the button.
“Problem, man?” Henley leaned a little closer to stare at my phone.
“Yeah, I’ve got no fucking balls.”
He exchanged a look with Rocket, who he’d bonded with pretty fast.
“Whoa, they send texts about that stuff now?”
“You’d think he’d know without a fucking confirmation message, right?”
“Screw both of you,” I hissed, making the toughest decision of my life, and tapping the screen to open the message.Please don't be casting me aside, little lady. Please.
Caroline: We need to talk. I’m at the gates.
What the fuck. She was coming here to ditch me? In front of everyone? That didn’t sound like her at all, but I was up and moving the second I realised she was here.
“Why are the gates closed? Let her the fuck in!” I yelled at the prospect, who laughed, dragging the gates open to reveal my woman on her ride, helmet on, but with the visor up.
“Oooh he’s got himself a biker chick. That’s hot.”
“Another word, and you close that gate with your face,” I snapped, striding over as she pulled into the parking area to the side of the gate, and switched off. She lifted her helmet off, and offered me a trembly smile.
