“I want the same thing for both of them,” she says, taking a small sip of her champagne. “It’s great of your neighbor to be okay with looking after Borris.”
I smirk because I know Lily is trying to find a way to talk about the things we need to discuss, but she's always too polite to dive in headfirst.
“Yeah, she’s the best. She told me once it reminds her of when she used to look after her grandchildren.” I’m just grateful that she’s none the wiser to the commotion that occurred in our apartment.
“So, you and Lorenzo, huh?” I say. “I never took you for the type to go for a bad boy.”
“You and Dante, huh? Never thought I’d see the day you settled down,” she retorts.
I hold up my beer to that.
Lily giggles and tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear. “To make a long story short…” She seems hesitant, as if trying to find the right words. “My father was an abusive drunk.” My heart stops. I didn’t know that. I'd heard rumors that he enjoyed the bottle, but I thought that was because people were trying to tear him down. “Anyway, Lorenzo killed him.”
My jaw drops.
“I know what you’re thinking: I shouldn’t be with someone like that. And I struggled to accept it myself, but so many things happened. My family was in ruins financially, and because ofa deal my father struck, I’d become a target, and Lorenzo was there to protect me. And we just hit it off.”
I place my hand on her knee. “I’m sorry, Lily. I never knew that.”
Tears build in her eyes. “You were never supposed to know. It was meant to be a family secret. Then Lorenzo and I pretended to date so he could stay close and protect me while I had a target on my back, and I kind of just… fell for him, you know?
"I’ve never been with someone like him. He treats me like I’m the most beautiful woman he’s ever laid eyes on, and spoils me, and puts up with me being a brat, and… is purely devoted to me. I just love him so much.”
I nod agreeably, confused by the weird twist in my stomach. Because I can relate to so much of what she's saying. Even though the Moretti brothers couldn’t be more different, I feel the same about Dante; that no matter what, I know he’ll always be there.
“I don’t think that’s strange at all,” I say, surprised at the calm and ease I feel about it. When I found out about her involvement with all of this, I was terrified for her, but Lily isn’t the same woman she used to be. And neither am I.
“And you and Dante? What’s the situation there?” she asks.
I can’t look away from the beer bottle, not yet ready to meet her gaze. Because it’s not just Dante who’s changed around me. So, I start at the beginning, answering questions she’s voiced and waited patiently for. I no longer want any secrets to come between us.
“When I found out Lorraine died, I really struggled, Lily.” I look at her earnestly. It still hurts to bring it up even now, but at least I can finally look forward instead of trying to shove all these raw feelings down. Now, having decided to honor her in my work and print her books, I feel at peace, as if she’ll continueliving forever through them. “She slipped into the water near the wharves we walked daily, and she had never learned to swim.”
Lily gasps and places her hand on top of mine, lending me her support and strength.
“I hated myself. The night before, we got into a terrible fight, and I said things I didn’t mean. And then after it happened, I felt so guilty for not being there with her. I hated all the things I said to her.
"At the funeral, her mother started accusing me of killing her daughter, and all of this stuff started popping up on the internet, and I just couldn’t handle it. I just couldn’t believe Lorraine was gone. I felt so responsible and empty. You saw me, I was like a wraith, using whatever I could to numb myself or distract myself.”
“It was never your fault,” she says sweetly, and I offer her a small smile.
“I understand that now. I just wish I could’ve rewritten a little of the time we had left,” I confess.
“And then Dante appeared.” I half laugh at how ridiculous his appearance might seem. Of all the things for me to be anchored by—I never expected it to be him.
“He was just always there. No matter what I said or did, he was like a puppy continuing to fetch whatever stick I threw and returning it. I found it so annoying at first, but then I got used to the comfort. I got used to him being around, no matter how insufferable at times.” We both laugh. “But I care about him. Deeply. He really looked after me. I mean, it was definitely a shock finding out about all the… well, you know, family business stuff.”
“Yeah, I get that.” She chuckles, and I can’t help but smile.
“I honestly don’t know if I would be where I am now if it weren’t for him,” I admit for the first time out loud.
Lily studies me silently for a moment. I don’t know if it’s the roller coaster of emotions or the drink, but I begin to feel lightheaded. Maybe I really have been bundling so much up that my body doesn’t know what to do when I finally let go piece by piece.
“Do you love him?” Lily asks, and the question catches me off guard.
I’ve never really loved anyone except my friends and parents. No one elicited that strong of an emotion in me. But it's become difficult to imagine what a future might look like without Dante.
The harder I think, the foggier my thoughts get, and it becomes impossible to figure out the answer, even though it’s painstakingly obvious.
