“No. But it seems like the only way you get a straight answer is by asking.”
She’s agreeable as she says, “Well, it’s not like I can go around wearing a shirt, stating,Hey, my husband is the head of the mafia. And besides, you’ve been caught up in your own business.”
I don’t know why, but I expected her to deny it or something. But she’s speaking with me as plainly as if we were talking about the weather. I lean back in my chair, taking a sip of wine. I’m tempted to light a cigarette, but draw the line at smoking around a pregnant woman.
“What are you looking for from this conversation?” she asks.
In truth, the thing I like most about Ara is her intelligence. And she's straight to the point, and up until now, I thought her trustworthy.
“Honestly, I just want answers. I should be scared, knowing this information, but for some reason, I’m not.” And I don’t know if that’s because I’ve worn myself out after Lorraine's death, or I simply want to verify Dante’s candor. And none of this should be about him—yet all of it somehow centers around him. Had it not been for him, who knows how much longer I would’ve gone without knowing this about Ara and Lily?
“Is Lily safe with Lorenzo?” I ask because I do care about that.
“He’d die for her,” she says with confidence.
I already know that. I could tell by the man's intensity that he’d do anything for her, but this is on an entirely different level.
“I won’t lie to you. His job does bring particular dangers from time to time. Much like my position, being married to Luca. But it’s a choice we both made. I tried to warn her away from Lorenzo while he was pretending to be her boyfriend.”
“That was pretend?” I whisper-shout and then lean back when someone looks over at me. I take another mouthful ofwine. “I did think it was weird when you all came back from Italy, and those two were suddenly glued at the hip.” I didn’t want to pry any further into that. I wanted Lily to tell me herself, and I’m disappointed that she didn’t mention it once. I always thought I was the person she could depend on. Then again, I’ve been a shitty friend as of late.
I have no one to blame but myself.
“Are we still friends?” Ara asks suddenly, surprising me.
This changes a lot of things. But strangely, it doesn’t change my value of our friendship.
“I see no reason not to be, unless you give me one.”
Ara considers me for some time. “You’re a lot calmer about this than I thought most people would be, given the situation. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. My husband is a killer. He does immoral things and profits from them. I’ve also killed someone.”
The glass of wine freezes at my lips, and I look at Ara. Really look at her. We all have secrets. That’s the fucking truth. The world isn’t black and white, and I've never believed anyone is wholly innocent. I do trust my instincts, however, and even if Ara is a killer, I don’t think she’d ever do it unless it was warranted.
“Did they deserve it?”
She simply nods, and I nod.
“Then I don’t need to ask any further questions.”
It’s strange. I still don’t feel any particular way about what I now know. I thought I’d have some kind of emotional breakthrough, but it’s all there, being sucked out and drained by the one ghost that’s haunted me since the day Lorraine died.
I need to get my life back on track—all that anger, guilt, and shame coming in fits and spurts. Right now, for the first time in a long time, I feel calm, despite this new knowledge.
When Dante told me, I was furious, raging, disarmed, and I don’t know if that has to do with him being the first to surpriseme with this intel or if it’s because it came from his mouth instead of Ara’s.
I consider asking Ara about Dante, but there’s something that forces me to bite my tongue. As if my exposing Dante is an entirely different force in itself. It feels like the calm before the storm, because Dante has made it very clear that he has no intention of leaving me alone.
But I will no longer react to his antics. He wants me to bite back and give him attention. It’s like he’s thirsting to be validated, and I wonder if that’s from years of living in the shadows. Then again, I don’t even know how long he’s been doing this if he really has been studying to become a surgeon. The mystery around Dante only continues to grow.
But I’m not playing into his game anymore. If anything, I’m going to pretend like he never existed. The sooner I flush him out of my system so he no longer monopolizes my mind, the better off I'll be.
19
ROMI
It’s been a week since I spoke to Ara, and ever since, I've been flooded with elaborate gifts from Dante. At one point, it took me almost thirty minutes to get through my door as I shuffled around a huge llama statue the size of my fucking door. Of all the gifts I’d received, it was the only one I actually displayed.
It now stands proudly in the corner of the living room, taking up an obnoxious amount of space beside the TV. But Idolike it. If he wants to waste all of his money, he can be my guest. I don’t give a shit, and I haven’t returned any of his messages or calls.
