"Yeah," I say quietly. "I do."
Ellie's smile softens. "Good. He deserves someone who sees past the walls he puts up." She stretches, joints popping, then stands and sighs. "I'm turning in. You staying up for him?"
"I don't think I could sleep if I tried."
She squeezes my shoulder as she passes. "He'll be back soon… Varen'll make sure of it."
The hallway light flicks off, and I hear her bedroom door click shut. I'm alone with my thoughts and the ticking clock. I pick up the book I've been reading lately while I wait for Dane to handle business or in the wee hours of the morning when I can't sleep anymore.
Crime and Punishmentis a distraction, but I'm learning from it that sometimes the punishment isn't going to prison or being caught and that the balm to heal a wounded heart might just be someone who can look past the outside, just the way I've done with Dane. It makes me appreciate him more fully.
When the door opens, Dane staggers in and unzips his coat. "How'd it go?" I ask, and he seems tired, barely meets my eyes.
"Good," he says, shedding his coat. "We have a plan." He walks over and sits next to me as I lay the book on the coffee table, then he pulls me close. "Everyone agrees that the most public time for Cal to make his move is the Christmas celebration that starts on the twenty-first."
"Well, we'll be ready then, won't we?" My head rests on his shoulder as I snuggle into him.
Smoke clings to his clothes—the stench of cigar smoke from the bar. His eyes are slightly unfocused, a tell I've learned means he's had a few drinks.
"That's the plan," he sighs, "though we've told women and children to stay home, but we won't refuse any able-bodied person who can hold a weapon."
"I'm going, then," I tell him bluntly because I've already made my decision. I don't want to sit on Ellie's couch listening to gunfire being blasted off around town and not knowing whether he's okay. If they're going to do this, I'm going to be a part of it.
Dane remains quiet for a moment and says nothing, but his arm tightens around me and I see his eyes fixed on the book on the table. Dane and I aren't all that different from Sonya and Raskolnikov, though I'm not following him to Siberia, but I may just stay in Sutter's Gap if we can make sure it's safe.
"We should sleep," I tell him, and he takes a deep breath, puffing his chest out hard.
"Don't know if my body will cooperate tonight," he says, and I admit, I'm not sure I'm gonna sleep much, either. It's been along few weeks, and with the end in sight, or hopefully the end, I think I'd rather just stay awake and see it through.
Still, I know if we don’t rest, it means we won't be at the top of our game. I rise, taking his hand and pulling him to his feet. Dane comes willingly, following me down the hallway past Ellie's bedroom door which is shut. We push into the guest room in the dark, as usual, and I hear the thunk of his boots hitting the floor one by one, then the clink of his belt buckle.
"You know," I tell him as I turn down the bed and shuck the sweats I borrowed from Ellie, "Ellie was telling me about the finer points of Sutter's Gap…" I've made up my mind and I want him to know it. "How in the winter, we'd have the diner all to ourselves, and how there are no single men to annoy me and ask for my number every week."
Dane's hands find my hips in the darkness as I bend over the bed, trying to climb in. "Those are finer points?" he asks, pulling me backward against his body.
"Sure, if I were the self-isolating, broody type who hates people…" I pull away, crawling over the mattress and flopping down. He follows me and pulls the covers over us as he wraps his frigid body, cold from walking home, around me. He feels like a corpse.
"And are you that type?" he asks, fingers finding the hem of my T-shirt where he seeks heat from my skin, and I shiver and almost shriek.
"Well, no. But my heart is spoken for, so I don't need to give my number out. And if there's a warm fire at home, I don't need to seek out the crowd at a diner, and if the man I love took meto dinner, we could steal kisses across the table without having people stare…"
I tangle my legs with his and turn in his arms until our bodies are flush from shoulders to knees, and he sinks his teeth into my neck. "Ah… well, if your heart is already taken…"
"Yeah," I sigh, and then I find his lips in the darkness and kiss him softly. "I guess it means I'll have to send every other man packin'."
"Don't tease me, Sloane. My heart can't take it." Dane's hands are still on my hips and I'm certain I feel him swelling against my thigh.
"I'm not teasing, Mr. Barrett. I think Sutter's Gap has found a new citizen."
He stops, lips on my jawline, and pulls back to say, "What?"
"I'm pretty sure I was clear with what I said." I feel him tense as he pulls my hips harder against his.
"You're staying?" he asks almost cautiously.
"Well, if the perks are right. You’ll have to convince me, but I’m leaning in that direction." My words are playful, but I've already made up my mind. As long as Dane is serious about me and wants me here, then I think it's where I want to be. I've been back and forth too many times to keep agonizing over it. I love him, and this is his home.
"Christ, Sloane," he grumbles, then sinks his teeth into my neck and growls hard. "You're gonna fuck with my head and I'm not gonna be able to let you go."
