But she's so young, not even thirty yet, and she has her whole life ahead of her. What can I offer her? A cabin in the woods? A life looking over our shoulders? The constant fear that my past will catch up with us again? Because it will. I'll never be done running.
She deserves better than any of this, someone who can give her the future she's earned. Not someone who will spend the rest of their life haunted by things in their past. It took her twelve hours to convince me to come for help. I'd have been stubborn, sleeping in another makeshift shelter in the woods right now if she hadn't been so damn stubborn. I can’t trust a soul, not even her, and still, she managed to force me.
How would we ever have a normal life?
Would she even want to stay in Sutter's Gap when this is over? Or would she go back to the city? The thought of her leaving, ofwaking up in that cabin alone after having her there, makes my chest ache.
I don't want to live alone anymore. These past weeks with her have shown me what I've been missing—conversation, companionship. I've gotten used to having her around me, having someone to wake up to and argue with. Someone to provide for and protect, and while those things mean different things to different people, to me it's meant a sense of hope and home.
But wanting her to stay and having the right to ask are different things entirely.
With the black stains on my soul, I have no right to ask someone so perfect for anything.
Her eyes flutter open and blink a few times, and she smiles when she sees me watching, a slow, sleepy smile that does dangerous things to my heart.
"G'morning." Her voice is rough with sleep. "How long have you been awake?"
"A while."
She shifts closer, tucking herself against my side. "What are you thinking about? You have that brooding look." She yawns and bites my chest on the exhale.
Any other moment, I'd stay locked in my head and tell her whatever she wanted to hear, but this time, I'm sick of deflecting and hiding. I blurt out my answer before I can think, and before it's fully unloaded, I feel a pang of insecurity that she'll reject me.
"I don't want you to go back to the city." I tuck that damn strand of hair behind her ear and press a kiss to her forehead. "Whenthis is over, when Cal is dealt with… I don't want you to leave. I don’t want to live alone."
She props herself up on one elbow, studying my face. "Live alone, or live without me?"
Her question feels too pointy, like it's cutting away at my ego. Admitting I need her out loud is totally different from knowing it in my gut. I'm a proud man, it's one of the first things I'd admit, but I can’t bring myself to say it.
So I look her dead in the eye and say nothing because I'm an idiot and just saying I love her would be too easy. It would open a door to a world too dangerous for my heart. I've killed men with my bare hands, watched them bleed out after my knife sank into their flesh, and I can't bring myself to tell the woman I love that I need her.
"It's me," Ellie calls from the hallway, followed by a soft knock. "I've got breakfast if you're awake."
I slip out of bed, grateful for the interruption, and pull on my boxers. Sloane watches me, and I see the disappointment in her eyes. I've hurt her by not answering. But I don't know how to fix it without making myself more vulnerable than I can handle.
I open the door to find Ellie holding a tray with coffee, toast, and eggs. She's already dressed for the day, hair pulled back, wearing jeans and a flannel shirt.
"Figured you two could use some real food." She hands me the tray, and I don't miss the way her eyes sweep over my body with a hint of jealousy in her expression. "I'm heading to the diner for the morning shift. You're welcome to stay here as long as you need. Make yourselves at home."
"Thank you, Ellie. I'm gonna pay you back for this." And I don’t mean the food. She's risking herself for us, and that's not something I take lightly.
"Don't thank me yet." She smiles and looks past me over my shoulder where I hear Sloane stirring. "I'm gonna try sniffing around town, see if I can find other people willing to help without telling them exactly what's going on. But you two need to stay inside. Keep the curtains closed. Don't answer the door for anyone." Her expression turns serious. "Those men in the SUVs are still circling."
"We'll be careful." Sloane has come to stand beside me, wrapped in a blanket. "God, that looks delicious. Thank you…"
"You're welcome, hon." Ellie's eyes soften. "Oh, I almost forgot. Varen—he stopped by the diner a bit ago. We spoke about you two, but I didn’t tell him you were here. He said to tell you he knows you tried to save Wade at the cabin. He's grateful for that. And he gave me a few packages for you."
She opens the door wider and says, "They came to the post office. I guess Wade took a few to the cabin. I left them on the coffee table." Her shoulder bobs as she says, "I told him I could get them to you and he seems suspicious, but I think he'll help if I give him more information."
I'm not sure what to even think right now. The sheriff was shot in my home, but if Varen knows I didn’t do it, it means Carver was awake enough to tell him what really happened. And if Ellie is trying to get the deputy involved, we're already in too deep. I stare at her blankly, not sure what to say, as Sloane thanks her again and takes the tray of food.
"I'll leave you to it." Ellie heads for the front door. "Be safe. And if you need anything, call the diner. I'll come right away."
I stand there gawking, hearing Sloane chewing toast as I think about the mess we're in. I've been hunted by criminals plenty of times, but I've never had to protect anyone other than me at the same time. And now I've dragged Ellie into it too.
"Do you want me to leave?" Sloane asks quietly. "Give you space to deal with the packages?" I turn to see her wearing my T-shirt and her panties.
"No, it's okay." I need her here to anchor me through whatever horrors Cal has sent this time. "This involves you too now."
