I loved doing that with her and I learned a lot from it. That’s the main reason why I want to hold the map, it reminds me of my mother. It’s not because I’m stubborn, even though I know that’s exactly what Genevieve thinks.
But the truth is that it brings me joy, nostalgia in the best way possible, pretending that my mother drew the map and that we are playing together once again. One last time.
I miss her. I miss my mother, I miss her hugs, her good night kisses, the way she cared for me. The way she always made sure I was okay. The way she always protected me in the best way shecould without making my father aggressive. She always tried her absolute hardest.
I’m thankful I stood by her side and listened to her. Because now I know how to treat a woman. I’m sure I will make mistakes, I’m not much better than others. But I will never make a woman suffer by choice. If I ever hurt Genevieve, I will never be able to forgive myself. That’s something I already know.
I can see Genevieve getting closer to me in the corner of my eye. She places a hand on my shoulder, reassuring me, almost like she can read my thoughts, as if I’m an open book to her and not as complicated to understand as I’ve always thought myself to be.
“Is everything okay? Something about you shifted drastically.”
She noticed.
Of course she did. She’s one of those wonderful women whonoticethings. Just like my mother did. That’s what I want my future wife to give my children, too. The power of noticing and understanding.
And why the fuck am I thinking of marriage and kids right now?
“I’m fine.” I tell her untruthfully.
She steps in front of me and lays her hand on my chest, “No. No, Ector. You’re not.”
Standing on her tiptoes, she puts her arms around my neck, giving me a much-needed hug. The warmth radiates from her heart and my body gladly consumes it.
It’s the best hug I’ve ever received since my mother died. Actually, it’s thefirstever hug I’ve received since she passed.
It feels,Ifeel... so many things.
I wrap one of my arms around her lower back and bury my head on the side of her neck.
She smells so good, the smell of sweet red apples that promises true love instead of bitter curses. A smell that makes me go weak.
I let down my guard and put my other arm around her as well, feeling how my legs suddenly lose their strength. And that’s when it all happens, I fall to my knees for Genevieve Heart.
Everything is coming at me all at once, a thousand feelings attacking me at the same time. Everything that I have been building up inside for all these years. Sadness, anger, memories and disgust.
I expect Genevieve to run away from me, to leave me alone all by myself, she must think I’m weak. Men are taught that crying is weakness.
But she doesn’t. She doesn’t leave me at all.
Instead she sits with me. She stays through all the pain that keeps welling up. And in this moment, I realize that a man is not weak for showing his feelings or breaking down. It only means that everything has been pressed down for too long. A person can only take so much until it washes over.
We all need love. Love and a place where we feel safe.
“Shhh, it’s going to be okay.” She reassures me, just as I did with her, one of her hands running through my thick black hair.
And suddenly, my shoulders relaxed and I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
I really needed this. But I’m scared, terrified. How am I going to let go of her after all this? I’ve never let my guard down with anyone, and now... I did. I’m starting to feel obsessive, insane almost. She’s exactly what I need in my life and I can’t afford to lose her.
She stays on the ground with me, sitting with me for as long as I need her to. I want this to last forever. I will never forget this moment, it will forever be burnt deep into my memories.
I am not losing her after this journey. I’m going to make sure of that, whatever it takes.
—
We continue our walk together. This time, she isn’t walking behind me, she’s staying right by my side where I want her.
Just as I start thinking about the waterfall, the sound of running water echoes from within the forest.
