She shrugs. “Treats, also Duke and I share an appreciation for comfy chairs.” She leans forward, petting his stomach, to which he rolls over, slightly showing more of his belly. I can’t believe she’s got him wrapped around her finger. He’s usually a very aloof dog with everyone but Micah. He acts more like a cat than a dog sometimes. I really shouldn’t be surprised she has this effect on Duke.
I move to sit on the arm of the chair. “How are you feeling?” When we showed her library, there was one feeling I picked upon before she tried to push it down. Guilt.I haven’t had a chance to talk to her, just the two of us, about it.
She looks up at me and I see when it clicks what I’m asking. “I’m okay. My calls with Sophie have been helping. It still feels weird to be so happy but feeling that missing piece at the same time.”
“It’s okay to voice that. You don’t have to act like you don’t feel that pain,” I say.
“I know, I’m trying to work on it and not feel like a burden to everyone.”
Gods help me, she’s thinking she’s a burden. She and Micah are quite the pair at the moment. I take out the carving she gave me, showing it to her. Her eyes light up in recognition. I run my thumb over the irregular cuts and divots that make it the physical form of the rugged heart I love.
“You know when you gave this to me, it felt like you were offering a piece of your heart for me to protect. Ever since then I’ve kept it with me all the time. Your heart is always safe with me, no matter how bruised, broken, or rough it may be, I’ll protect and cherish it.” I hold her hand in mine along with the carving.
Her hazel eyes water as she sniffles. “You can’t just say stuff like that,” she jokes half-heartedly. I smile in return, feeling her love in the bond. Being able to feel our love via the bond is amazing but words are also needed. She needs to know how important she is to all of us.
Shaking her head, she laughs as she says softly, “Such a teddy bear.” Then she kisses me tenderly. We kiss like that for a while, not trying to start anything more, just connecting. As we break apart, she confesses, “I forgot he was gone.”
Thea looks away, as if afraid of my reaction, or maybe more afraid of speaking about what happened into the air. “Some parts of the heat are a little foggy when I was in the thick of it.Every time I bonded, it was super clear but some moments were still hazy. I remember a few times over those nine days of waking up or being in the middle of something and wondering where he was and why he wasn’t with me yet. Then it’d hit me later on when I was more lucid. Like waking from a dream.” She’s still not looking at me.
Reaching over, I gently guide her face until she’s looking at me again. “It’s okay. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or bad. It’s only natural you’d look for him during your heat.”
“I know that but it doesn’t stop me from feeling guilty. How could I forget? What if I forget more things about him as time goes on?” she huffs out, failing to hold back the tears this time.
I hug her to me and squeeze her tightly until she relaxes. “None of us will let that happen. Once we’re able to go to your apartment in Florida and bring all of yours and Connor’s things here, you’ll have reminders of him everywhere even though he never lived here. He should have been part of our pack too. We missed out on someone who would have made our family that much brighter,” I say lowly into her ear.
“What were some of the things he did that made you smile or laugh?” I ask, brushing hair away from her face. The warmth in her skin seeps into me.
“He’d chase me around the boat, trying to throw me in the water at least once every trip. If I was able to get him in the water first, he had to take care of all the cleaning up when we got back to port. He’d act uninterested in the books I read but always asked for what happened next after I read. He always had something clever to say about them.” She stops and laughs to herself.
“What’s that laugh for?”
Still laughing, she says, “I just thought about if Connor is watching over me as a ghost like he wrote in his note, then hiscommentary during the heat would have been hilarious. I can just picture him floating around shouting ‘no, do it this way’ or cheering it on in some way.”
I chuckle lowly. “That would be funny,” I admit softly, my fingers twining in the ends of her hair.
“Yeah. It makes me sad he missed out on knowing you guys. He wanted a pack so bad. To have the bond, brothers, family besides his parents.”
“Well when all our time comes, which will be a very long time from now, we will finally meet him on the other side. I don’t know if omegas get heats there but I’m sure we can try for his sake.” I try to remain serious, which of course fails, and we both laugh at that.
“Trust me, trust us to protect your heart, Baby Girl. We’ll keep it safe as long as you let us. Feel happy, sad, pissed off, and everything in between. We’ll still be here, I promise.”
“I’ll hold you to that,” she says in all seriousness as she nuzzles into my chest. Good. There’s nothing else I’d rather do.
31
THEA
Ishuffle out of the library, feeling tired. I found a new series that I’ve been binging on my e-reader and stayed up late tonight. The house is dark and quiet. Most of the guys must be asleep by now. Before heading to bed, I decided on getting some water and a snack. Most of the house lights are off, leaving only the dimmed recess lights in the ceiling. It’s also the only light source on when I enter the kitchen and see Liam working at the island.
What could he possibly be working on so late? He hears me approach him and glances at me over his shoulder. He looks exhausted. When I get close enough, I can see that his laptop screen is some medical article about heats. “Why are you still researching heats? We made it through mine without anything bad happening,” I ask, confused.
He looks reluctant to say anything, then he sighs. “We made it through the first one. I’m pretty sure your first year of heats will be abnormal as your body will still be trying to help regulate itself after the long-term suppressants. It doesn’t hurt to keep on top of things in preparation for the next one. Who knows instead of it happening every three to four months, it could come sooner.I think everything will be okay after a year, or at least after four heat cycles.”
I wrap my arms around him, resting my head on his shoulder. He takes on too much. I shouldn’t have expected any less, especially after what he told me about his mom and the reason he went into medicine.
“You don’t need to run yourself ragged for these unknowns. You can run my bloodwork however many times you wish. That will give us a heads-up when my next heat will happen. In the meantime, maybe put a pause on researching. You’re just going to drive yourself crazy, and I prefer you without the crazy.” I try to end this on a lighter note.
His hand comes up to hold my arm, brushing his thumb along my skin as we now hold each other. “I’ll try,” he mumbles, resigned, “that’s the best I can do.”
