It was like I’d been stabbed in the gut. Why had I told him I was a virgin? He hadn’t been cruel at the time, but I should’ve known it would come back to bite me.
“Do you think that just because someone fucks you, they’re secretly in love with you?” he asked. “Did you think last night was romantic? Did you think it was romantic when I made you my slave? When I made you wear that collar? When I told you to get on your knees?” He curled his lips, the same lips that had kissed me so passionately last night. “Did you think it was romantic because I looked you in the eyes?”
I felt my face flame, my cheeks probably as red as the blood smeared on his face.
“Do you think, because I used your body to get off, I’ve got, what, feelings for you?” He scoffed. “How naive can you get?”
This wasn’t fair. I’d only asked a question and now he was demeaning me. Calling me stupid. And maybe I was stupid, because why had I even let my guard down for a second?
I looked down at the bed covers covering my body and sucked in a deep breath to compose myself. “Alright,” I murmured. I looked at the boy who’d taken my virginity. “Can you go now?”
He didn’t react.
“Go now, please.”
Slowly, his mouth edged into a frown.
“Leave my bedroom now,” I repeated, enunciating the words clearly, so there’d be no question of understanding me. “You got what you wanted. Now go.”
His expression changed. “Archie —”
I lost my patience. “Go,” I snapped, standing up, keeping the covers tight around me. I’d never let him see my naked body again. I grabbed a towel. I needed to get out of here. “And don’t drip blood on the floor on your way out.”
I walked out and locked myself in the bathroom. Only once I was in the shower did I sag, resting my forehead against the cool tiles as scalding hot water pounded against my back. It was strange how a single conversation could make me feel so sick.
I tried to pinpoint the reason why. Was I disappointed? No. I didn’t want Taylor to like me. In fact, I pitied the poor person who Taylor would fall in love with — if he’d ever fall in love. He was probably a sociopath who didn’t care about anyone.
No, the tightness in my belly was because of that familiar mix of shame and humiliation and inadequacy. Taylor had bested me, again. He’d tricked me, and I’d been stupid and desperate enough to fall for it.
It had been enchanting for a moment, to be desired, and not just by anyone, but Taylor King, who had everything, who was always above it all.
I shook away the memory of his glazed eyes and flushed cheeks, and scrubbed my skin hard with soap, washing away all the caresses and kisses of the night before.
CHAPTER TWO
The Hunger
The rest of the day, frankly, was shit. No matter where I was, or what I did, Taylor’s words echoed in my head over and over.
I had breakfast in my room, the door closed, forcing myself to eat toast which tasted like cardboard.Are you asking me if I have a crush on you?
I changed my sheets, which smelled like sex and sweat.You really were a virgin.
I went to my lectures and tried to listen to what the professors were saying.Do you think that just because someone fucks you, they’re secretly in love with you?
Afterwards, I went to the gym, pushing through my reps until my muscles screamed.Did you think it was romantic…
Then I ran on the treadmill until my legs felt like they’d fall off, wobbling like jelly.How naive can you get?
All day it felt like my intestines had been tied into a tight knot. Nothing I did could shake the nauseating feeling.
At least I managed to avoid Taylor for the whole day. He was close by, though. After I crawled into bed that night, I heard him moving around in the kitchen, and gritted my teeth, because I couldn’t tell whether he was making a racket on purpose or not. My bed still sort of smelled like him, which didn’t make sense, because I’d changed all the sheets. Maybe it was all in my head.
At least the rest of the week came with endless distractions. I threw myself into studying, even though there wasn’t much to study for, being the beginning of the semester. I joined clubs and societies — probably more than I should’ve, but it would be good for my CV, and many clubs were eager to recruit a treasurer to be on their committee. I joined the Commerce Student Society, various finance related clubs, a volunteering club, and a club dedicated that was ostensibly about sport science but really consisted of a group of guys discussing how to maximise their gym gains, and finally, social soccer.
