Taylor’s face was stony. “Did you let him fuck you?”
My jaw dropped. “What the — what the hell kind of question is that?”
Taylor stepped closer. “Did you let him fuck you? Did you bend over and —”
I shoved him away. “No!” Then, after a moment to think, I added, “and even if I did, that’s none of your —”
“I don’t know what you see in him,” Taylor said.
I blinked. “What?”
“He’s shorter than you, for fuck’s sake. If you spread your legs for him —”
“I thought he was your friend,” I snapped, shoving him again. He barely moved. “You can’t talk about him like that, insulting his height like it even matters.” I felt outraged on behalf of Matty, and partially vindicated too. I was right. Taylor was a dick, not just to me, to everyone. It made me feel slightly betterabout how he rejected me, all those mornings ago. It had been a blessing. Being involved with someone like him simply wasn’t a good idea. He wasn’t a good person. “You’re supposed to be his friend.”
“He’s not my friend if he’s fucking you,” Taylor said.
“For the last time, we didn’t have sex,” I nearly shouted. “I don’t know what the hell is wrong with you. I don’t know why you care. Besides, do you really think I’d let just anyone…” I trailed off.
“You let me,” Taylor said quietly.
I shoved him for the third time, harder. Hard enough to start a fight. He let me.
“You…” I swallowed thickly. “You forced me.”
“I didn’t force you.”
“I was your slave —”
“You didn’t have to do anything you didn’t want to.”
I hung my head, staring at the floor as I clenched and unclenched my fists. I wished I hadn’t had soccer training and then moved all the furniture in my room. I wished I had more energy. If I did, I would’ve punched him in the face. I would’ve started a brawl.
Or maybe not. If I hit him, I could break his nose, and that would mess up his infuriatingly symmetrical face.
“I regret it,” I whispered.
Taylor didn’t reply for so long, I thought he might not have heard me.
“Pardon?”
I could’ve laughed right then. Taylor King, using words likepardon. He was choosing to be politenow?
“I regret it,” I said, more loudly. “I don’t know why I let you touch me. I don’t know why I let youuseme, like I was, what, just some human fleshlight.” I met his eyes, not caringto decipher the emotions flashing through them. “Do you know how much it makes me sick, thinking of how I let you violate —”
“Oh, come on,” he interrupted, and barked a laugh, though it sounded slightly manic. “I know what was in your package. I know what you do every night. I can hear the thudding. I can hear the sounds you make. Do you know how fucking loud you are? I can hear it from my bedroom. You — youenjoyedit. You liked it when I gave it to you. And now you can’t stop. You do it every night. You’re addicted to playing with your ass and it’s all because of me, and you know what?” Colour was rising in his cheeks. It was so different from the icy nonchalance I’d seen for the past week. “I would’ve done it again, if you asked for it. I would’ve helped you out. I would’ve asked for nothing in return, but instead, you buy some shitty toy and then you invite some guy over so what am I supposed to think —”
Scratch what I said before about not wanting to start a fight. I punched him in the stomach and he buckled over.
Good.Good. I readied myself for a fist to the face, energy sizzling through my body. I was ready to be tackled, to be thrown to the floor. I wanted this to get physical. I wanted to get on top of him, to pin him down and make him hurt —
And just as quickly as I got fired up, I deflated. Taylor was still bent over, clutching his stomach. Slowly, he straightened up, and I resigned myself to landing on my ass. But the blow never came.
Instead, he walked over to the couch and gingerly sat down. It should’ve made me feel better, seeing him look defeated and pathetic. Instead I felt guilty. Damn my conscience. He had it coming. He deserved it.
Cursing myself, I marched over to the fridge, pulled out a pack of frozen peas from the freezer, and handed it to him.
“Don’t need it.”
