He glanced away. “I don’t want you to think that the only reason I asked you out was to get in your bed,” he said quietly.
I felt a pang in my chest, remembering what I’d said last time.
“I understand,” I said, “but you haven't even finished your coffee.”
He held it up as if just noticing it and shrugged. “I can finish it on the way. It'll keep me warm.”
“Finish it with me,” I said. “Besides, I think it would be better to talk some more, you know?”
Leo searched my face. “Okay.”
We entered the building and took the elevator up to my floor. In my studio, we sat next to each other on the couch, our legs touching as we sipped our drinks.
“So,” Leo began.
“So,” I replied.
Silence stretched out, and I laughed. “I can’t believe we’re still being awkward.”
Leo laughed, too, and set down his cup on the coffee table. “Well, I’m worried you still hate me.”
“I don't hate you. I never did. If I hated you, I wouldn't have cared in the first place. I wouldn't be sad or angry. Honestly, today has been really nice.”
He nodded slowly. “I’ve kind of alluded to this, but I haven’t actually asked properly.” He took a deep breath. “I was wondering whether you’d want to try a real relationship. I feel like I have to warn you that I might be awful at it, and I don’t know what I’m doing, but if you do want this, I will try my best. Because I want to be with you.” He gave me a small smile, but it was tinged with self-deprecation.
I didn’t want that smile. I wanted the real thing.
“Yes,” I murmured. “I mean, the answer’s obvious. I felt so lucky when I met you, Leo. It's like you fell right into my lap. And this is all I ever wanted. So, yes, of course.”
“Of course?”
“Of course,” I repeated, with more emphasis, and slid my hand across the fabric of the couch until one of my fingertipsbrushed one of his, sending a spark through my body. My heart raced like this was my first time alone with a boy.
Leo stared at where our fingers touched, then met my eyes. “The night we…the last time we saw each other,” he began. “You said I don’t like touching you. I do like it. I loved kissing you and sharing a bed, but I know I’ve never —” his lashes fluttered as he glanced away, then met my eyes again. “I’ve never touched you there.”
“To be fair,” I said, “you have offered. But every time, you looked…nauseated. It was polite of you to offer, but my idea of a fun time doesn’t include forcing someone to —”
“You wouldn’t have been forcing me,” Leo interrupted. “I wasn’t nauseated or grossed out or anything like that. I was just…nervous. I didn’t want to screw it up.”
“You wouldn’t have screwed it up,” I told him.
“But,” he said, eyes growing big, “what if I bit your dick off?”
That shocked a laugh from me. Then I realised he was completely serious. “I’m sure you won’t do that,” I said in my most reassuring voice.
“Fine, I might not bite it off, but…what if I’m too rough and I hurt you? Or what if I do such a bad job that you get soft from boredom? What if I’m so terrible that you realise you don’t like me after all? That I’m not worth it?”
“Leo,” I said. “I promise you, that would never happen.”
His cheeks pinked. “You say that, but you can’t know for sure. You’re so…confident.Andskilled. And I keep thinking about the other guys you’ve been with —” at that, I tensed up “— and I don’t want to be the shittest one. Maybe it’s delusional and ambitious of me, but I don’t even want to be average. I want to be the best.”
I reached out to touch his hand. “Listen to me. I’d be lying if I said sex wasn’t a skill, but the person is what really matters. It’strue,” I insisted, at the look on Leo’s face. “The times we had sex were great, weren’t they?”
“Yeah, but that’s because you’re amazing at it,” he said. “I didn’t even get you off. It was so inconsiderate, but I was too scared to try, in case I…” he trailed off, and I hated how wretched he looked.
“It’s okay,” I told him. “I know it’s easier said than done, but don’t stress about this stuff. I was scared the first few times. Everyone is. The truth is, even just trying is hot. Besides.” I smiled. “I can always teach you.”
I expected Leo to blush at that, but instead, he looked at me with those big, gorgeous eyes. “Yeah?”
