“Have you talked to them since the party?” I ask.
“To Ethan but not the rest of them,” he says.
I think of their shocked faces. Mimi’swhat the fuck. I ran out before I could see what else happened. “What happened?” I ask. “Sorry, I should’ve asked before. I’ve been so self-absorbed.”
“It’s okay,” Aaron says, giving me a reassuring smile, but I can tell he feels anxious, his eyes flicking back to his friends. “After you left when we talked on the street, I went back into the house, and that’s the last time I saw them all. They were shocked, both more and less shocked than I expected. Like, Ricky barely cared that I was hooking up with you, but Mimi was mad.”
“Why? Because you ruined her birthday?”
“No, not because of that. Ethan said Mimi was upset on Lily’s behalf. Lily was the girl I was hiding from at the party,” he explains. “Ethan also said that they were offended I’d kept secrets from them, so I told him about art and anime and all that stuff, and he didn’t even care.”
“That’s good,” I say. “Isn’t it?”
Aaron nods slowly. “It is, but it also makes me feel dumb for worrying in the first place. For the longest time, I was afraidthat if they knew all the weird parts of me, they wouldn’t want to be friends anymore. I feel silly saying this all to you because you seem so above it all, but I told you before, during one of our phone calls, that all I wanted in high school was to be accepted.”
“I remember,” I say. “And it’s not silly. I’m not above it all.” I touch his arm. I hate the way he’s beating himself up.
“But you don’t care what other people think,” he says.
I almost laugh. “Yeah, I do. I care about whatyouthink. As for all those other randoms” — I gesture towards the school — “that’s because I can’t even be bothered to try. You know, it’s my weird self-defence mechanism where I reject other people before they can reject me.”
“I remember you saying that. I guess we’re kind of opposites, huh?” He gives me a weak smile.
I mirror it. “You said Ethan came and saw you. That’s a good sign.”
He nods. “He’s actually the one who gave me the idea to give you a drawing.”
“Really?” That’s the last thing I expected.
“Yeah.” Aaron’s eyes fall to his lap, where he’s brought his hands together tight enough for his knuckles and joints to whiten. I recognise the pose — I sat the same way at the pizza restaurant.
“Hey,” I say softly.
He looks at me, eyes slightly too wide.
“If it makes things easier, you can head over without me. I can walk straight to the lockers. Or I can stay here, so they don’t know you drove me. Once you’re all out of sight, I’ll get out, and if you give me the keys, I can lock up after—”
“You don’t want to be seen with me?” Aaron interrupts. I wanted to ease his worry, but now he looks hurt, and that’s worse.
“What? No,” I say quickly. “I just meant if you go without me, you don’t have to deal with the elephant in the room. You don’t have to let the whole year level know that you’re gay or that you’re dating me if you don’t want to. I know it’ll make you anxious, and you said you wanted to finish Year 12 without any drama.”
“But,” Aaron says, blinking rapidly, “I thought we — I thought we were together.”
“We are,” I promise.
“But just in secret?”
I shrug.
“Is that what you want?”
“I’d do it for you, Aaron,” I say. “I don’t want you to feel stressed or like you’re being judged or that people are talking about you. I can tell that you’re scared. And I’m not judging you at all. It’s completely understandable to want to be accepted.”
He’s quiet for a moment. “How would you feel if people knew you were dating me?”
“Honestly?”
“Yeah,” he replies, face serious.
