“I knew it’d be a disaster if you found out who I was. That’s why I tried to end things. I didn’t want you to find out.”
“So you just planned to trick me? Never let me know?”
“It was for a good cause,” he urges. “You said it yourself — sometimes we have to lie by omission to…to protect ourselves. And each other. I didn’t lie to hurt you. I didn’t have malicious intentions. I just…” he looks down at his hands. “I didn’t want you to find out it was me and feel disgusted. I didn’t want you to regret everything you’d told me, to regret opening up and trusting me. I don’t want you to hate me.” His pleading eyes meet mine.
My blood feels like it’s boiling and freezing all at once as anger ,betrayal, and humiliation wash through me.
“I can’t do this,” I say. “I can’t talk about this now.” I turn around and continue down the street. I’m going to go home, have a scalding hot shower, and go to bed, and that’s where I’ll cry my eyes out, in the privacy of my bedroom, far away from Aaron Wynn.
“Jude,” he says, voice so quiet it’s almost a whisper. “Please don’t go.”
But he doesn’t chase me. And I don’t turn around.
17
Aaron: Not My Boyfriend
“What thefuck, Aaron?” Mimi yells in my face, but I barely hear her. I push into the house, planning to grab my shoes from the spare bedroom and get the fuck out.
“Leave him alone, Mim,” Ethan says.
Ricky materialises in front of me. “What’s going on?” he asks, eyes flitting from me to the others behind me.
I pass him without a word, climbing up the stairs.
“We caught him hooking up in the spare bedroom,” Ethan explains.
“Oof,” Ricky says. “But that’s not a big deal, right?”
“It is a big deal,” Mimi says. “I was trying to find him because we were about to have cake, and there he is, with Jude fucking Seymour.”
“Jude?” Ricky echoes.
“Yeah, Jude,” Ethan says.
“I didn’t know you liked boys,” Lily says quietly.
I speed up, but they follow me like a haze of wasps. Once back in the spare room, I yank on my socks.
“No one knew,” Mimi says. “Looks like he’s been keeping tons of secrets from us.”
“Okay, so Aaron’s hooking up with Jude,” Ricky says. “Why’s it such a big deal? You got a thing against gays now?”
Mimi glares at him like he’s stupid. “Because he’s supposed to be our friend, but instead, he’s been lying to us.” She turns herattention to me. “So much for ‘not wanting to date anyone,’ huh? No wonder you weren’t interested in Lily. You secretly like dick.”
“Mimi,” Lily says, hurt.
“We’re not dating,” I snap. “Jude’s not my boyfriend.”
“Okay, that makes itsomuch better,” Mimi says, hands up in the air.
Ethan gives me an apologetic look and touches Mimi’s back. “We can discuss this later,” he tells her.
“What, so we’re just gonna let this go?” Mimi demands.
I shove on my shoes and stand up. “I’m going home. Happy birthday,” I tell Mimi. Then I get out of there.
I didn’t drink, so I jump into my car, which is parked on the street, and drive out of Mimi’s neighbourhood. At first, I plan to go straight home, but my body’s fizzing up with a thousand different emotions, so I drive around Easton instead. Driving is calming; the roads are quiet, almost empty, this late at night, and it’s nice only seeing what my headlights show. I circle around the outskirts of town, passing Easton Grammar at one point.
