“It’s not like I’m miserable,” I say. “Sure, I’m working towards the future. But I’m happy now. Sometimes.”
“Me too,” he says. “Sometimes. With you.”
Oh god. I think recounting what happened with my sister has gotten me all emotional because I’m afraid I might start crying.
“Yeah,” I say. “With you.”
12
Aaron: Absolutely Not
Days pass, each one similar to the others. I’ll work, plan to study, and find myself drawing. I call F almost every night. We don’t just talk about the heavy stuff — though I’m still reeling from the story he told me about his sister — but also about the most mundane things in the world: a crazy customer at work, the HSP I had for lunch, the recent thunderstorm. A few times, we’ve watched movies and TV shows together by pressing play at the same time. I introduced him toKaguya-Sama: Love is War. I wasn’t sure how he’d take it since he said he hasn’t watched anime since he was a kid, but he laughed at the show’s jokes, so I count that as a win.
Soon, it’s halfway through the holidays. It’s okay — I still have heaps of time to finish all my homework. Then it’s one week until the end. I can still finish everything in one week. Then it’s half a week left, and I’m cramming everything in, hating myself for not getting started earlier.
Jude’s finished all his schoolwork, of course. He told me once during a lunch break. We only make shallow small talk, and he’s nice enough, but I can’t help but feel we’re even more distant than we were in maths class. It’s not like I’m dying to be his best friend, and it’s obvious he doesn’t want to be mine when he flinched away from me that first week in the storeroom.
I wonder if my friends would flinch like that if they knew I was gay. Not that they’ll ever find out.
Well, maybe one day. Maybe at a five-year reunion, when I return to Easton as a full-time artist, a hot-as-hell boyfriend on my arm, and enough confidence to not care about what other people think of me.
Soon enough, it’s the final Friday before term three. Mum and Dad have given me the weekend off, so basically, it’s my last day of work during the holidays.
The front of the shop is quiet. Mum and Meg are talking to customers; Dad’s in the office, and Jude’s out the back of the storeroom. Whenever there’s nothing to do, he goes there to organise stuff. He’s either a neat freak or more likely, he wants to be alone.
I’m standing behind the register, checking the time on my phone, when a text message from my friend group comes in.
Ethan: Yo Aaron what are you doing rn?
Aaron: Working.
Ethan: You wanna get dinner with us? We’re going into town to eat.
Aaron: I just said I’m working lol
Ethan: When does your shift end?
Aaron: 6:30
Ethan: That’s perfect. We can go to the pizza place down the street from your shop.
Ethan: So what do ya reckon?
Ethan: Don’t say no, we’ve barely seen you all holidays.
That’s true. When I’m not working, I’m at home (not) studying, drawing, wasting time or on phone calls with F. My friends have invited me out a bunch of times, but I’ve always said no for one reason or another.
Aaron: Alright.
Ethan: That’s our boyyyyy
Ethan: We’ll meet you at the front of your store
Aaron: Sounds good :)
When it’s time to close, I grab my stuff and head to the front door. Jude follows since he always goes home via bus, and the bus stop’s about a hundred metres down the street. I’ve offered to drive him home, but he always declines, with a hint of alarm in his eyes, like he really doesn’t want to be subjected to an awkward drive with me.
I close the door behind me.
