“Why wouldn’t it be?” I ask.
His thumb grazes over the skin between my eyebrows. “I can feel the creases here. You’re frowning.”
I relax my face. I shouldn’t be upset. It’s the last Friday of term, and my last meeting with R until after the holidays. I should make the most of it.
We sucked each other off earlier, and now we’re lying in each other’s arms. I was content until I started thinking about how unfair it is I can’t message him like a normal person, which led me to me stewing in angry silence, frowning so much even R could sense it in a pitch-black room.
“It’s nothing to do with you. I’m just…” I sigh. “I’m annoyed at my mum. I’m used to her surveilling me, but it really irked me this week. It’s been more than six months since stuff went down with my sister. Why does she still act like she’s a prison guard and I’m a criminal that’s going to recommit?” I realise my voice has been growing louder and clamp my jaw shut.
R wraps an arm around me, warm and close. “It probably hurts your feelings, too,” he murmurs.
I falter. “Yeah, you’re…you’re right. She has no faith in me.”
“Maybe she does, but she’s just bad at expressing it? You said yourself that she’s paranoid.”
“Yeah. She is. I mean, the stuff that happened with my sister was pretty bad. It affected her professional life too.” Great, now I feel guilty for complaining about Mum.
“Have you tried talking to her about it?”
“Yeah, ages ago. But when I —” I cut myself off. I almost saidwhen I moved here. I try again. “But when it firststarted happening, I didn’t care because there wasn’t anyone I desperately wanted to talk to.”
R’s hand rubs up and down my side. “I want to talk to you over the break, too. Then I feel silly because it’s only three weeks. It shouldn’t be a big deal.”
“I know. I feel silly, too.”
We lay there in silence for a few minutes. Then, remembering it’s the last day of term, I lean forward and press my lips against his. We spend the remaining minutes kissing lazily, and I try to memorise the smell and touch of his hair, the softness and taste of his lips and the noises he makes so I can tide myself over the break.
When it’s time to leave, I reluctantly get up and pat my clothing down. I adjust my tie so it’s not loose or crooked.
“Hey,” R says as I’m about to leave. “I know it’s not my place to talk about your mum’s parenting or whatever, but… you should be allowed to have your privacy. I’m not saying this just because I want you to talk to me,” he adds. “But because it’s something everyone should have.”
His words stay with me for the rest of the day. I think about them during my final classes, when the last bell rings, and on the way to the staff car park where I meet Mum. I think of the first proper letter he left in Locker 99. He’d mentioned his email in it. Something about hedgehogs and samurais.
10
Aaron: A Different Storeroom
Mimi hosts a gatho at her place to celebrate the end of term. She invites a bunch of friends, so about ten of us are there, sitting around a small fire in her large backyard, sipping on beer and soft drinks. I try to enjoy it, but I can’t stop thinking about how I won’t see F for a few weeks. I shouldn’t feel so attached to him. He’s a stranger.
A stranger I’ve kissed and touched and had sex with. A stranger I can talk freely to without being scared he’ll judge me.
Mimi’s gathering is fun, but Lily stays by my side the whole night, making me nervous. My friends took it well when I told them I wasn’t playing football, but there’s a lot of difference between rejecting a sport and rejecting a person.
Later that night, a bunch of people disappear inside to watch a movie, leaving the rest of us — Ethan, Ricky, Mimi, Lily and me — by the fire. When the conversation turns to our thoughts about dating, I take the opportunity to make it clear that I’m not even remotely interested.
“That’s our Aaron,” Ethan says. “He’s too focused on school. Even though he’s never cared about studying before.”
“I just think there’s no point. Everyone’s going to move away at the end of the year, anyway,” I say.
“Oi,” Ethan says, curling a possessive arm around Mimi.
“I mean, there’s no pointfor me,” I amend.
Mimi and Lily exchange a glance. “And nothing’s going to change your mind?” Mimi asks.
“Nothing,” I confirm.
“What if you met the love of your life?” Ricky asks. “Your trueee luuuurrve?”
