“Not this small talk again,” I tease.
“No, I mean… you mentioned that it was lonely and boring.”
I shrug. “I don’t have much to do except go to work or stay at home, where I do nothing except study, clean or watch movies.”
“And it’s…lonely?”
“I only have my mum. And I’ve already told you about her,” I say.
“Her looking through your phone and stuff.”
“Yeah. It wasn’t always like that,” I add, feeling the urge to defend her. “She has her reasons.” I change the topic because even though I had my hand down his pants five minutes ago, I have to remember he’s still a stranger. “How was your weekend?” I ask. “You said it wasn’t the best?”
“Oh, well. You know, worked, studied, wasted time on my phone.”
“That doesn’t sound incredible, but not the worst either.”
“It wasn’t that. Other stuff happened, and… I have this problem where I’m scared of disappointing other people, but the downside is that it makes it incredibly easy for others to push me around.”
I nod. “You’re…not scared of upsetting me, are you?”
He takes a moment to think. “No. I don’t think so. I mean, if you asked me to give you my lunch, I’d give it to you. Not like I have much time to eat it anyway.”
“But…what if I wanted to touch you somewhere, and you didn’t want me to. You’d say so, right?” He doesn’t replyimmediately, and my body turns icy. “You’d say so, wouldn’t you?”
He must hear the panic in my voice because he quickly replies, “Yes, I would. Trust me, you haven’t done anything I haven’t wanted.”
My shoulders sag in relief.
“It’s not like I’d doanything,” he continues. “If my friends told me to jump off a cliff, I’m not going to do that, obviously. But I will do the harmless things. The small things. Even if I don’t want to. Like that girl I told you about.”
“The girl you were hiding from at the party?”
“Yeah. I can’t bear to hurt her feelings. It sounds so stupid saying it aloud, but even the thought of her reaction makes me anxious.”
I sort of understand. Kind of. Actually, the truth is that I’ve never tried to make people like me, and therefore never had to worry about what they think of me.
“I’ve never been in your position before,” I say. “But…the more you drag things on, the more you’ll hurt her in the long run.”
“I know,” he says, voice muffled. I guess he’s buried his face in his hands.
“Your friends won’t hate you if you say just say no,” I continue. “You’ve been friends with them for years at least, haven’t you?”
“Yeah, but still. I pride myself on being easygoing.”
“People will respect you more if you’re more assertive.”
“Thanks,” he drawls, voice clear. He must’ve raised his head.
“I didn’t mean to sound harsh,” I say. “And, of course, your friends already respect you. But people won’t automatically hate you if you stand up for yourself. The point I’m trying to make is that there’s a chance they’ll like you more.”
“You might be right,” he says after a moment.
“I’m always right.”
“You’re real humble, you know that?” he says, but there’s a smile in his voice.
I wonder if there’s time to kiss some more, but we’ve already been in here for quite a while. “I should go,” I say regretfully.
