“I’m fine,” I say. “I ate lunch earlier.”
She nods and leaves the table. I finish another question and compare it with the answer sheet. I got it correct!
Lily returns with a matcha cake on a thin plate and two silver spoons. “Want a try?” she asks after setting it on the table.
It’d be rude to refuse, and besides, the cake does look appetising. We take a spoonful each and nod in approval. It’s sweet but not overwhelmingly so, and I take another spoon.
“I should try more Japanese food,” she says, looking around the cafe.
“I’ve always wanted to visit Japan,” I say.
She meets my eyes. “Really? Why?”
I shrug. “I think the culture is cool.”
“I don’t know much about Japan,” she says. “Apart from sumo wrestling. And…Nintendo’s from Japan, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And, what else? Oh yeah, those cartoons.”
I straighten. “Anime?”
“Yeah, that’s what it’s called.”
“Have you ever seen any?” I ask neutrally.
Maybe this is it. Maybe Lily and I could really be close friends.
“I’ve seen bits and pieces. My younger cousins are obsessed,” she replies. “But honestly, I think it’s kind of weird.”
I deflate. “Oh,” I say. “The boys think it’s weird, too.”
“They do?”
“Yeah. A few years ago, someone in our year level had an anime wallpaper on his laptop, and they teased him like hell for it.”
Lily frowns. “I hope they weren’t too mean. But at the same time, being into that stuff — like really into it, enough to make it your wallpaper — is just…weird. It’s like a red flag, you know?”
“Um. I guess. Why’s it weird?”
“It just is. Okay, maybe it’s fine if you’re five and like…what’s it called? The one where you catch the animals.”
“Pokemon?”
“Yeah, it’s okay if you like Pokemon as a kid. But if you’re into that stuff at our age? It’s just…” she trails off. “Like, I don’t want to sound judgemental or anything, but there are some things people need to be judged for.”
“Right,” I say, forcing a chuckle.
Lily takes another spoonful of cake. I look down at the spring-green dessert, but suddenly, I’ve lost my appetite.
We spend another hour and a half at the cafe, and as I work on maths, there’s a sour pit of dread in the low of my stomach. The truth is, I am weird. Not only regarding my interests, hobbies and dreams, but also, a few days ago, I made out with a stranger in a storeroom at school. We jerked each other off until we came. That’s objectively unusual.
The thought makes me kind of panicky, but I calm myself down somewhat with the reassurance that no one will know. My friends will never find out how strange I am. All I need to do is survive this year.
I’m relieved when we finally leave the cafe. We both parked in the lot on the far end of the mall, so we walk there together, and I ask Lily a lot of questions about her plans for the upcoming week, both to seem normal and to keep her talking so I can nod while counting down the minutes until I arrive home and flop down in my bed.
“Then, on Thursday afternoon, Mim and I will go to — is that Jude?” She stops.
