When Jasper finishes speaking, he watches me cautiously. I’m silent for a moment, taking everything in.
“Fin…” I begin.
“Won’t do anything,” Jasper answers. “He won’t bother you at all. He promised.” He says it with conviction, chin up. It’s only been a day since I saw him last, and I already missed the sight of him. His eyes, the angles of his body, his graceful hands that are now laying in his lap.
“You figured all of this out today?” I ask.
“Yeah,” Jasper replies. “Only a few hours ago.”
I can’t believe it. How the hell did he put all the pieces together?
“Zaina will be okay, won’t she?” I ask.
He nods. “It was an empty threat. I wouldn’t have exposed her.”
“Why not?”
Jasper fiddles with the bedcover, shrugging. “She’s your friend. And…when I talked to her I realised…I just realised it was the right thing to do. She’s a good person. I don’t want to screw with her future.” He looks at me, and I want to touch his hand.
Then I remember what he said yesterday.
We’re not even friends. We don’t even like each other. It’s just sex.
I take a tiny step away from him. “Fin also knows that we’re hooking up,” I say, keeping my voice measured.
“Yeah. I guess I’m not very subtle.” He rubs the back of his neck. I think of what Trinity said at Imogen’s party.
Is something up with you two?
He looks at you a lot.
He does it when you’re not watching.
He does it all the time.
“Anyway, he won’t say anything,” Jasper continues.
I nod. “That’s good.”
He glances up at me. “It is?”
“I figured it’s what you wanted. You don’t want to be associated with someone like me.”
Jasper looks away. “You know that’s not true, Kieran,” he says quietly.
“Well,” I say, my body feeling strangely itchy. “I don’t know if you’re ready for people to know that you’re involved with a guy.”
“I wouldn’t care about that, not if —” Jasper cuts himself off.
“If what?” I ask.
He flushes. “There’s another thing I want to talk to you about. Maybe…maybe you should sit down.” He gestures to the space on the bed beside him. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this nervous. Not even when he first propositioned me.
I sit down and try not to fidget.
“I’m sorry about picking a fight yesterday,” he says, looking at me right in the eye. “I didn’t say what I meant. What I meant was…” he inhales. “It’s not just sex for me.”
For a second, the entire world is silent, and then an overwhelming warmth floods my body.
