As I’m about to leave the kitchen, I glance over my shoulder. Fin stares at his feet, shoulders slumped, something in his face I haven’t seen in a long time. He looks defeated. Once upon a time, I might have felt sorry for him, but now I force myself to go without saying anything.
*
Jasper: Hi we need to talk. Can I come over now?
Kieran: Senior’s home. I’ll come to you.
My shoulders slump in relief as I read Kieran’s message. I was worried he wouldn’t respond after our fight yesterday. I need to think through what I’m going to say to him when I see him, so I don’t mess it up again.
My heart thumps in my ribcage at the thought of seeing him. I distract myself from it by tidying up my room. Outside, the sky changes from blue to grey in a minute. A minute later, the sky splits open and rain pours out.
I guess that means talking in the back garden is out of the question. We’ll talk in my room instead.
Shit. Kieran’s walking here. Did he bring an umbrella? I bet he didn’t.
I imagine him standing on the footpath, soaked in rain and rush out of my room and downstairs. I always make things difficult for him. Goddamn it.
I shove my feet into some boots and grab an umbrella from beside the front door and rush outside. Once I’m on the street, I head in the direction of Senior’s house. Kieran would be close by now.
Then I see him, a dark blue figure at the end of the street, head lowered. I run towards him, splashing puddles as I go. Soon, I can see droplets falling from the ends of his hair, and rivulets of water rushing down his hands. “Kieran!” I shout over the rain.
He stares at me. “What are you doing here?”
“Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t know it’d rain,” I say, holding the umbrella over us.
“It’s my fault for not checking the weather forecast,” he says, frowning at me. He’s still closed off from our fight yesterday. “You’re getting wet,” he says a moment later.
He’s right — two of us can’t fit under one umbrella. I’m not thinking properly. I should have brought two.
“Here,” I say, shoving the umbrella into his hand.
“You’re going to get drenched,” he says.
“It’s fine,” I say, speed-walking forward, the rain turning my shirt dark and dripping down the back of my neck. “We’re almost there. You can’t get any more wet, otherwise you’ll get sick.”
We take a couple minutes to get inside, and I look like I’ve fallen into a pool. We take our soggy shoes off, and then I lead Kieran to my room, and push him into my ensuite. “Have a shower,” I order, I say, giving him a clean white towel. “I’ll shower in another bathroom,” I explain before he protests.
He nods, and I leave him, taking clean clothes to the bathroom in a spare bedroom and jumping into the shower. While steaming hot water warms me up, I know I should rehearse what I’m going to say to Kieran, but I have no idea what I’m going to say.
You love him.
I squeeze my eyes shut.
When I return to my room in new clothes, the ensuite door is still closed, and I can hear the roar of water hitting the shower floor. I sit on the edge of my bed and try to calm down.
Just tell him what happened with Fin, then apologise. Maybe…maybe things can go back to normal. Fuck buddies. No strings attached. No feelings.
The shower goes quiet and a moment later, Kieran opens the door with the towel wrapped around his waist. His skin is tan and shiny and I have to rip my eyes from his body. I pull out some clothes from my wardrobe and thrust it at him, cheeks warm. “I’m sorry, I forgot.”
“It’s okay.”
He changes in the bathroom and I go back to waiting on the bed. When he returns, my clothes clinging to him, he arrives in front of me, close enough that his legs almost touch my knees. His arms are crossed, though. I don’t blame him for being defensive. “What did you want to talk about?” he asks.
I tell him.
28
Kieran: Mine
