Kieran falls asleep, the rhythm of his breaths even. I stare at the dark ceiling. I wonder if he loved Michael, then stop, because wondering about that makes my heart ache. I think about his hoodie. I knew it was a stupid idea but I wore it tonight anyway because…
Because I wanted to show him something I’m too terrified to say.
*
Sunlight drifts through the open curtains, turning Kieran’s bedroom golden. Dust particles hang in the air. My brain wakes up. I turn to Kieran, searching for confirmation that last night happened. The party. The fight. The truth.
He lies beside me, the cut on the bridge of his nose dull, his skin swollen a bit. Apart from that, he looks innocent, full lips in a content line, long lashes fanning his cheek.
My shoulders hurt from sleeping on an unfamiliar bed, my elbow crushed by Kieran’s weight. Two fully grown guys shouldn’t be sleeping on a single bed. But I don’t care. I’d happily sleep squished like this, if it meant I could be close to him.
I watch him breathe and the realisation hits me like a truck.
I’m in love with him.
26
Kieran: Just Sex
When I wake up, everything is peaceful until it all rushes back. I reach out, but the bed is empty. The spot next to me isn’t warm with body heat. He left.
I can’t blame him. No wonder he left, after everything that happened, after everything I told him.
I yawn, and the movement makes my nose ache. After I get up and changed, I go to the bathroom to inspect the damage. A bruise has spread from my nose to under my eyes, an ugly purple colour.
How am I going to explain this to Senior? What if he sends me back to Sydney? No more Easton Grammar. No high school diploma. No Jasper.
There’s no point getting emotional about it, I think numbly. Getting emotional about it doesn’t fix things. Lying in bed, heartbroken after Michael dumped me didn’t help. It only made things worse.
I hope Senior’s out of the house, but I find him in the kitchen, cooking bacon and eggs, whistling. “Good morning Pip,” he says, glancing up at me. Then he does a double take. “Dear god. What’s happened to your face?”
I raise a hand to cover my nose. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry.”
He lets go of the pan and walks over to me, brushing my hand out of the way. “That’s not nothing,” he says. “Do we need to see a doctor?”
“It’s fine, it’s not broken.”
Senior takes a step back. “What happened?”
“I had an accident at the party.”
“An accident?” he echoes.
“A fight.”
Then I tell him. Senior gets me to sit on a stool at the island as I explain what happened from the moment I bumped into Fin in the doorway to the moment I got home, an ice-pack against my nose.
“How did you get home?” Senior asks.
“I called an Uber,” I answer.
“You could have called me,” Senior says.
I shake my head. To be honest, I wasn’t thinking about how to get home — Jasper did all of that — but if I was, I wouldn’t have called Senior, anyway. I wouldn’t have wanted to be more of a nuisance than I already am.
“Did you get home by yourself?” Senior asks.
I pause. I didn’t include Jasper in my recount, and I can’t start now. Jasper wouldn’t want Senior to know. “Yeah. I’m sorry,” I say.
