“They’re really good,” Kieran says.
Not good enough. “Do you really want to hear me complain?”
“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to.”
“Maybe you’re just being polite.”
“When have I ever been polite to you?” he asks.
“If I tell you, how do I know you won’t use it against me later?”
“Jasper,” he says, and I know he’s fighting the urge to roll his eyes. “Less than fifteen minutes ago, I told you to fuck my mouth.”
He’s right. I can trust him — I know I can. I just can’t stop myself from hesitating. Just in case.
I turn around so I’m facing him. He adjusts his arms, so they’re wrapped around me. I wiggle down a bit, so I’m looking at his chest rather than his face. It’ll be easier to talk this way.
“I don’t know if you already knew this,” I begin, “but my parents live in Singapore.” And then I tell him everything. How they left when I was fifteen, and I had only my sister, and Senior didn’t even consider living with us. At first my parents called every day but now I’m lucky to talk to them once a fortnight and most of the call is them making sure I’m doing everything right. How it was an expectation for me to get school captain, and how it’s also expectation that I’m going to get amazing results and go to the best university in Australia.
“Then my dad calls to tell me my grades aren’t good enough, when they’re fine,” I say. “In fact, when I average out my scores, I’m doing better than I expected. It’s impossible to do everything perfectly.
“Although, if Dad didn’t think my grades were bad, he wouldn’t have called at all. The last time he called was to make sure I hadn’t forgotten to water the apple tree in the backyard.
“And then he asked me all those stupid questions to make sure I was doing okay. I know he cares. But he could sound a bit more…empathetic. Instead, he talks to me like I’m a colleague. Or an employee. Or a machine with the sole purpose of doing everything right.”
I take a deep breath. During my speech, Kieran started rubbing his hand up and down my back.
“I’ve been talking for a while. Sorry. It’s just, I can’t complain about any of this to anyone. Juliet would tell me to get over it. My friends think I’m living the dream life, being away from my parents. Even complaining to you makes me feel guilty. If I can’t complain to anyone, that means I shouldn’t complain, right? That’s the logical conclusion.” I look at him for the first time since I started talking. He’s wearing an expression I’ve never seen on him.
“You’re allowed to complain, Jasper,” he says. “No wonder you’re so stressed all the time.”
His words make my body feel lighter. Like everything I said wasn’t dumb.
“I’m sorry your parents aren’t around,” he says.
“They wouldn’t have gone if they thought I couldn’t handle it,” I say. I don’t want Kieran to think my parents are evil. “The job in Singapore is super important.”
“I think a parent’s only job is to parent.”
“You’re not living with your parents,” I say, then wince. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to say it like that.”
He shakes his head. “I know. You’re right. But my dad knew sending me down here was the best for me.”
I search his face. “Are you close with him?”
“My dad? Yeah. My mum left when I was young, so we only have each other.”
I nod. My body relaxes and I could fall asleep against Kieran right now. “I’m glad you came to Easton,” I murmur.
He takes a moment to respond, and I wonder what I’ve said wrong.
“You’re only saying that because I give killer blow jobs,” he answers, breaking the tension.
“Nah,” I say after a beat. “You’re also great at hand jobs. And kissing. And everything else.” I hope my light-hearted tone is convincing.
He chuckles. “Okay. Thank you.”
“This is where you return the compliment.”
